I won’t move on until my Daddy’s memorial service.
I had a hearty cry in the Waffle House parking lot. My Daddy and I (plus Mason) loved to go to the Waffle House. Two pork chops. Eggs scrambled softly. Grits swimming in butter. Warm syrup. Chocolate chip waffle.
Grits and eggs were devoured before photo.
I poured one (orange juice) out for my dead homey while playing to Its So Hard To Say Goodbye from Cooley High Soundtrack.
Simply Orange
I spent an entire day in bed. Only getting up to occasionally use the restroom.
I’m ready to move on.
I need to celebrate my Daddy’s life before I can unapologetically live mine . . . again.
XOXO
Lesson: My Daddy transitioned Sunday, August 13. His memorial services are Saturday, August 26. Thirteen days in limbo.
Have you heard of AI? Not Allen Iverson. Artificial intelligence. ChatGPT is AI. Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of professional emails and I use ChatGPT on a daily basis. It’s become somewhat of a foundation. A rough draft, you know.
So today I asked ChatGPT to write an essay for me. I typed, “write an essay to be read at my Daddy’s funeral.”
Want to know how ChatGPT responded? It sent condolences. Seriously ChatGPT sent me condolences on the passing of my father. It wrote “I’m really sorry to hear about your loss.”
I received condolences from ChatGPT today.
XOXO
Lesson: AI has a heart:)
Question: How do you use Artificial Intelligence (AI)?
I walked into the room. I didn’t know what to expect. My Daddy was laying in a hospital bed. His eyes opened with a slight smile. He was happy to have a visitor but unsure of who I was. He blinked a bit. He focused. Then he quickly arose beaming with pure joy. I knew the moment he recognized his visitor. “Badness!” My Daddy consistently made me feel like I was the most important person in his world.
I remember going to Leo’s Roller Rink on Saturday mornings.
Just me and my Daddy. I’ve always been a devoted Daddy’s girl. Saturday skating sessions would always close with a race. One lap around the rink with your age group. I was fast (in elementary school). I often won the free small cold drink. After each win I would sashay towards my Daddy. Biggest smile my face could hold. He would clap so loudly. I remember the commanding clap coming from his soul as if I won gold in the junior Olympics.
My Daddy is … was … my biggest fan.
XOXO
Lesson: In Loving Memory. Dean Renea Clark. June 6, 1948- August 13, 2023.
Question: Who does a Daddy’s girl become in Chapter Two?
Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? It’s a Pixar cartoon that I connect with …inside out.
The main character is a happy 11-year-old whose world turns upside-down when she and her parents move to San Francisco. Riley’s emotions try to guide her through this difficult, life-changing event. However, the stress of the move brings Sadness to the forefront.
Let me introduce you to Sadness. In a moment of extreme despair, Sadness kicks her leg up letting Joy know that if she wanted Sadness to move then Joy had to drag Sadness to the destination.
I know Sadness. I know her very well. She’s been with me these last few days. Lying on the floor with her leg kicked up demanding Joy to show up in a big way.
XOXO
Lesson: Leg in the air.
Question: When’s the last time you experienced Joy?
I didn’t get the job. After three interviews and a drive to New Orleans, I received an email stating, “I’m sorry that this one didn’t work out – it was a really tough decision but we enjoyed speaking with you and appreciate all the time you took to meet with us.”
I appreciate the semi-personalized rejection email over a generic computer generated email. However, what I really would have appreciated is a detailed explanation of why they decided not to move forward. Did I not have enough experience? Were my salary expectations out of range? Did the HR Director notice my disturbed facial expression when she said she believes HR should be 100% onsite? I’ll never know the true reason. Organizations are terrified of litigation they rarely give the real reason you didn’t get the offer.
Rejection, whether it is from a potential career opportunity or from the cute guy across the bar at brunch . . . hurts.
To be honest, I did not want that job. Needed? Yes! Insurance isn’t free. Wanted? No!! It was in recruiting and the job posting emphasized, must love recruiting. I do not love recruiting. I tolerate recruiting for the greater good. Insurance! I do not love being 100% onsite. I do not love certain aspects of the role including the need to actively source and pipeline passive candidates.
Hmmm. Maybe the role wasn’t for me. Maybe God told them to pick somebody else to do it. . . Maybe rejection was for my good.
Proud parent moment. Mason Riley has officially joined the workforce!
Mason started begging for a job in his junior year of high school. I was adamantly opposed to him working. I said, “you have the rest of your life to have a job.” I understood his desire for his own money, but I also knew I would make sure he had everything he needed. Mason doesn’t ask for much. He chooses to go without rather than asking me. I believe he’s afraid to be a burden even though I reassure him that is what parents are for.
Now, he is six months away from being 21 years old. It’s the summer before his junior year of college. He’s a man. A man needs to feel the ability to provide. I believe it’s time.
He’s been applying for part time jobs since May and finally landed his role at the neighborhood movie theater. A walkable commute for his first gig. He loves movies. I mean REALLY loves movies. Working at the theater is a dream come true for him. Free movies. The fact that it’s a walkable distance from the apartment is a dream come true for me.
I am in the process of a career pivot. I’ve been in talent acquisition for 10+ years and have lost the love I initially had. I am interested in transitioning to project management. I attended a project management professional exam preparation class two weeks back. A wonderful experience. I enjoy being a student. The instructor was a very knowledgeable Black woman who was unusually enamored with the Olympics named Jackie O. Every example went back to an element of the Olympics in a project management context. The real life examples made the difficult curriculum significantly easier to digest.
She introduced the concept of a retrospective early on. A retrospective provides a structured opportunity for groups to discuss successes, challenges, and areas for development in order to make informed decisions and adjustments going forward.
Ever interact with someone and immediately recognize they have a different approach to dating? I had a first date recently. Drinks. He chose the location. Hayride Scandal in Baton Rouge. I appreciate effort being exhibited in the initial stages. There’s something about a guy planning the date that is a real turn on.
The atmosphere of the venue was a definite vibe. Mood lighting. Bartender was a mixologist. Drinks were made with style and precision. Our conversation was a mixture of engaging and hilarious. A man who makes me laugh is a definite short cut to get into my heart. He knew the cheat code early on.
The next day he asked what were my thoughts on the date. Initially, I was so taken back by the question I had no idea how to answer. The question was a very new experience for me. He asked what went well and what would I have changed about the date. Wait, is this a date retrospective? The combination of the pretty amazing first date with his desire to confirm I also thought the date was indeed amazing has my interest in him solidified.
Cheers to new beginnings!
XOXO
Lesson: He has demonstrated his ability to have intimate conversation and it’s only been a week. In our short time together, I can already see his ability to positively contribute to Chapter Two. With his encouragement, I downloaded Duolingo and started learning a new language. 7 day streak. I have also downloaded Vocabulary, a word a day app to enhance my lexicon. He uses words like ostentatious and amalgamation in casual.
Question: What green flags do you look for in the early dating stages?
We used to play around singing Loveeeee in Future’s voice. It was fun and funny. Playful energy. Giggles. Now, I listen to Rihanna’s verse and it hits differently. Art imitates life.
You started being stingy with your time. Wondering if I am on your mind. I wanted to be in your possession. I wanted to be the one you want. You didn’t want me. You can’t want me.
I’m glad you made your choice known. If I had meant anything to you, then you could have expressed your choice with words. Feelings change. It’s perfectly okay. Use your words. Instead you chose silence. The coward’s choice.
Your representative was outgoing. A concert go-er. A candle maker. A tent builder. A person who enjoyed quality time. He was generous. Thoughtful. Considerate of my physical limitations. He held me tight while we slept. He gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. He fit perfectly inside of me. He noticed the little things. Your representative made me feel content.
You are not your representative. Thank you for showing up as the coward you are before it all became too deep. Your representative and I had a beautiful moment. You and I have nothing.
XOXO
Lesson: You crossed the line. The point of no return.
Question: What is your favorite song from Future or Rihanna?
Trust my intuition. I started to see changes in his behavior about two months ago. Our time together went from 5-6 days to once a week. I knew it then. He said it was work. My heart told me it wasn’t.
Ask more questions. There were a lot of unknowns about him. He didn’t volunteer details. I didn’t ask follow up questions.
I am changing. In the past, I would have given this my energy. In Chapter Two I know I am the prize!
I am secure in the fact that our demise had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My self love journey just collected a trophy.
XOXO
Question: What did you learn from your last relationship?
I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.
DDCANDTHECITY 