Chapter 2

My Best

Why do we begin conversations with new people by asking what they do for a living? Perhaps it’s because I’ve never truly loved my job, or maybe it’s because I feel that my profession doesn’t reflect who I am as a person. I have always found the “what do you do for a living” conversation to be uber annoying. 

We are often quick to ask about someone’s occupation, as if our job is the definitive factor of who we are. Personally, I would much rather discuss what brought me joy recently, my goals for finishing the year strong, or my most prized possession and why it matters to me. These questions hold greater potential for meaningful dialogue. Additionally, I prefer to keep conversations about work confined to the workplace.

I was at a local lounge, sitting at the bar with a football game playing on the big screen. While chit-chatting with the guy next to me, he asked what I do for a living. I paused, trying to come up with a witty reply, but nothing came to mind—I was just sitting there, speechless. We both laughed, and it made me realize I need to think of an answer—something clever and memorable that I can adjust as needed. I have a friend who says she’s a chimney sweeper, and I love that so much!

DDC

Lesson: What do I do for a living? My best. 

Question: What’s a clever reply that says I have my own money, I work to get that money and I do not want to discuss it any further? 

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Career, Chapter 2, Personal Finances, Where to?

The Jedi and Me

I’ve been a bartender at a local daiquiri shop for about a month. I started with zero professional experience as a bartender, and aside from making a Tequila Sunrise, I am unfamiliar with cocktail recipes and techniques. I initially applied to the daiquiri shop thinking my job would mainly involve pulling levers to dispense daiquiris. I was surprised to find out there’s a full bar, and my duties include preparing mixed drinks. Fortunately, they hired me despite my lack of experience and assured me that I could learn on the job.

My initial training shift was with E. An 18 year old on her last week at the daiquiri shop before going to school. I arrived before she did. That should have been my first clue to lower my expectations of training or at least of my trainer. Thankfully, since then, E has had her final shift and I have my fingers crossed that I never have to work with or see her ever again. 

I worked my first night out of training with K, also known as, the Jedi. She was the only Black employee until I started, and we connected instantly. In her mid-20s, she has a no-nonsense quality about her. Her training was thorough, teaching me the right way to do things, not just enough to avoid trouble, which was a stark contrast to my earlier training from E. The Jedi also gave me the lowdown on my new colleagues, including who is related to whom. Additionally, she advised me about the patrons of the daiquiri shop, warning me that the regulars are chatty and to be cautious about who I entertain.

The Jedi is moving this week and will no longer be at the daiquiri shop. Her parting words to me were a reminder: this daiquiri shop is my job, and I should keep my personal life separate. She emphasized coming to work to make money, not friends. Her words reminded me of my Daddy, who would share the same sentiments with me whenever I started a new job in the past. I needed that reminder from the Jedi.

Despite the unexpected challenges and steep learning curve, my experience at the daiquiri shop has been rewarding. Tips!!!! 

Thanks to the valuable training and advice from the Jedi I am adapting slowly but surely to being a bartender. Her guidance has not only equipped me with the skills to handle my duties but also offered me crucial life lessons. 

Lesson: I am a working woman. 

Question: What’s your drink of choice? 

Note: I have two part time jobs now. First came the bartender and I started as a barista at a coffee shop a couple weeks ago. More to come about the life of a barista. 

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Adjusting

I’ve been in Louisiana for 70 days now, and I’m just about settled into my space. I have one moving box left to unpack—shoes. It’s amazing how many shoes I have, considering I wear the same pink flip-flops on a regular basis.

I know to clean the guest bathroom every Friday and take the trash out on Tuesday evenings.

I’ve got a couple of churches on my radar and have selected a local Toastmasters club to join.

I know of two taco spots with great deals. Mi Padres has a Taco Tuesday special: three tacos and a margarita for $15.

I started working as a bartender at a daiquiri shop three miles away and had an interview with PJ’s Coffee today, which went well.

Mom and I have developed a good rhythm. I enjoy quality time with my mom and Mason. We saw Inside Out 2 together. Great movie. I’ve made a few connections with old friends.

I was introduced to a very nice cigar bar in town. Good vibes. Great music. Perhaps I enjoyed the venue more because of who I was with than because of the venue itself. Perhaps.

How long does it take to start over? I am starting over in my forties. I have the opportunity to choose my identity. I am trying to figure it out as I go.

Lesson: It is starting to feel like home.

Question: Daiquiris or coffee?

DDC

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Career, Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Future State of the Union

July 1 – September 29

Spiritual

◦ Find a Louisiana church home.

◦ Become an active member of church. Attend Bible study. Ministry participation.

◦ Watch at least one online sermon 2x weekly.

Relationships

◦ Active daughter, sister, mother, friend, niece and cousin.

Wellness

◦ 21 Day Fix.

◦ 80/20 eating plan. 80% paleo. 20% Wtf.

◦ Current weight 246 lbs. Goal is to weigh less.

◦ Stop eating at 9p nightly.

Personal Growth

◦ Complete HubSpot free Digital Marketing Courses.

◦ Active participation in WBC Toastmasters.

◦ Morning/ evening routines daily.

◦ Listen to “No Excuses” and take notes.

Creativity

◦ Post to DDCandthecity weekly. Thursdays at 10a.

◦ Post YouTube weekly reviews on Wednesdays at 8p.

◦ Research cucumber and tomato container gardening.

Home

◦ Purged and organized bathroom, closet, and bookcase.

◦ Stick to bathroom cleaning routine. Friday mornings.

Career

◦ Get hired.

◦ Complete Google Project Management Certification.

Finances

◦ Save a starter emergency fund.

◦ Earn $$ daily w/ Lyft.

Someday, Maybe

◦ Certified Associate Project Management study prep

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Settled

It has been a little over a month in my new to me home. I am officially all moved into my new bedroom. I now inhabit the room that has been historically called my Mom’s “sewing room” my entire life. My parents moved to this home after I had been in Dallas for a few years. Until a month ago, I had not spent longer than two consecutive weeks in Louisiana in the last 19 years. Needless to say, I never felt at home in my parent’s house. I was a visitor. 

There are four bedrooms in my parent’s house and I always chose to sleep on the couch. My parent’s occupied the owner’s suite. My Mom had her sewing room to create magic. My Daddy had his version of a man cave called “The Chamber” which he shared with Mason over the summers. The last bedroom was called the “Black” room because of the elaborate black bedding, black headboard my mom refurbished, and black ornate curtains on the windows. My sister has spent time living in this home. She slept in the “Black” room for several years. She had positive affirmations posted on the walls. It has always been my sister’s room in my mind. Therefore, I slept on the sofa (whether Nicole was here or not.)

Now, I am extremely grateful to say that I officially have my own room. My Mom has moved her sewing things to her bedroom. I’ve got my black and white decor with a pop of hot pink. White dresser, white nightstand and white bookshelf. Black queen headboard and black bedding. A black and white striped plant stand with pivotal books placed on top for decor. Becoming, A Belle in Brooklyn, and a NIV Journal the Word Bible. There’s a piece of me in every room of the house now and a few 27 gallon storage containers in the garage. There’s a black painted accent wall. Limousine Leather by Behr. Semi gloss. The cherry on top is the perfection that is Dandelion, my oversized mirror, exists perfectly as the first magnificent image you see when you enter my very own room. It all screams DDC! 

I officially have a space to call my own. 

DDC

Lesson: I am incredibly grateful for having a room to call my own. This experience has taught me the value of having a personal sanctuary, a place where I can relax, reflect, and recharge.

Question: What possession do you own that whenever you see it, then you immediately feel at home?

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About Me, Career, Chapter 2, Mental Health, Personal Finances

Feeling Low

I’m feeling low. I haven’t had an income since March. I’m literally living off the grace of God and my Mom.

I’ve had a few interviews. The interview process is completely draining. I am drained. Mentally drained. Physically drained. In the interviews, I turn my personality all the way on. I am engaging. I take notes. I’m knowledgeable about the organization. I’ve made notes about the interviewer from their LinkedIn profiles. I show my interest in the role without the true desperation I actually feel. When I really just want to say, “pick me, choose me, hire me. Please, just give me a chance!”

I want to push through. I’m trying to push through. It’s a daily struggle. Trying to be hopeful. Trying not to drown in my tears. All the while I really just want to give up. I want to curl up in the bed. Comfy pajamas. Covers over my head. Schitts Creek playing in the laptop. Crumpled up used tear stained tissues all around.

DDC

Lesson: Sadness has moved in.

Question: What do I do now?

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About Me, Daddy, Mental Health, Personal Finances, Where to?

Starburst

A change of address is coming and I am experiencing a multitude of emotions. Excited. Sad. Nervous. Eager. Nostalgic. Regretful. Joyful. Curious. Grateful. 

Excited. I moved to Texas two weeks after my college graduation in May 2005. I have visited throughout the years but never longer than 2 weeks. I am excited to experience the 2024 version of Louisiana. Excited to establish a life of intention. Excited for a chance for a new beginning. A life reset:)

Sad. 

Nervous. Being in my parent’s home without my Daddy has saddened me every visit. Sometimes just for a moment. Sometimes for a few hours that include wailing tears. I am nervous about my ability to maintain a positive, happy, hopeful disposition. Nervous that my sparkle will dwindle in my new environment. Nervous that the grief stricken energy which permeates the walls of my parent’s home will transfer to me. Nervous that my pop of pink starburst energy will become beige. 

Eager. Moving home is the ultimate reset. A metamorphosis. During metamorphosis, the caterpillar undergoes significant changes in its body structure and physiology, eventually emerging as a completely different creature with adaptations suited for its adult life. I am eager to undergo significant changes. Change in body structure. Change in environment. Change in mindset. 

Nostalgic. A time was had in the DFW metroplex these last 19 years. I have been reflecting over the people and places that made an impact on who I am today. I spent many a Friday night happy hours at the Pappadeaux’s on Frankford then would let the night take us where it may. Hey Kelly*. I remember the night that a semi famous comedian gave me the dollars out of his pocket after I performed Mary J. Blidge’s ‘Not Gon Cry’ at Maxwell’s on a Tuesday. Karaoke was, is, and will forever be my love. Thankfully, I stumbled upon a Thursday night karaoke only 3 miles away.

Regretful. Are you familiar with the butterfly effect? A concept which suggests that small changes in initial conditions can lead to vastly different outcomes. New discoveries of productivity and attention strategies that I have been learning recently make me wonder who I could have been if I knew then what I know now. I am currently using a pomodoro technique to write this blog. It is a time management method designed to improve focus and productivity by breaking work into manageable chunks and incorporating regular breaks to maintain mental freshness. It involves breaking work into intervals, traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. I wonder who would I be if I knew the pomodoro technique in 2005. What could I have done with that one simple technique? We will never know and it does no good to ponder over the what ifs.

Joyful. I am moving home to live with my Mom. Last year my Mom suggested the idea of my moving home. I am still in shock that this move was her idea. I am joyful to have the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship with her at this stage of our lives. Joyful for the front row seat to her potential metamorphosis. EXTREMELY joyful for having a significant reduction in monthly living expenses. 

Curious. What lies ahead? Will I shine bright like a diamond? Will I be a neutral beige? Will my Mom and I become buddies and have a made for television relationship? Hallmark not Tubi.

Grateful. I am grateful that my Mom has welcomed me into her home. 

DDC

Lesson: A passenger called me Starburst as a nickname this week and I liked it. 

Question: Any tips on starting over in your 40s? 

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Mental Health

Unhappy

It is becoming exceedingly difficult to get out of the bed on a daily basis. The scale is at an all time high. Black leggings and graphic t-shirts hide the weight. Desperately begging for male attention. Unsure how to spend my time when I do have the energy to be productive. The list of to dos is growing consistently and continues to be undone.

I feel numb. Despair. Lonely. Hurt.

Unhappy.

DDC

Lesson: I feel unhappy.

Question: What now?

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Chapter 2, Mental Health

Me, Myself, and I

I don’t want to give you the wrong impression, I need love and affection. Future said it. I feel it. My ideal situation would be living together. Constant daily interactions.

I need more. More quality time. More words of affirmation. I am a person who craves attention.

If I did what I plan to do when I actually plan to do it then would I still feel lonely?

I am learning more and more day to day that no one is going to give me the kind of attention that I crave…. other than myself.

DDC

Lesson: I need people.

Question: Am I wanting too much?

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