Trust my intuition. I started to see changes in his behavior about two months ago. Our time together went from 5-6 days to once a week. I knew it then. He said it was work. My heart told me it wasn’t.
Ask more questions. There were a lot of unknowns about him. He didn’t volunteer details. I didn’t ask follow up questions.
I am changing. In the past, I would have given this my energy. In Chapter Two I know I am the prize!
I am secure in the fact that our demise had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My self love journey just collected a trophy.
XOXO
Question: What did you learn from your last relationship?
I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.
Friday, I received an email from my boss saying to close all requisitions. Wait, what? As a recruiter, requisitions are my lifeline to production. Without requisitions I essentially do not have any work to do. Immediately I knew. In 30 minutes I was heading to run my errands to prepare for my weekend couples camping trip. I refused to let this email affect my mindset over the weekend. I closed the laptop and said, “I’ll worry about this on Monday.”
I received an email instructing my team there were a few requisitions that we could open up based on business need on Monday. Cool. I have work. I went from 15+ skill sets to hire down to 2. Hmmm, is that enough?
Wednesday at 8:23pm I received a calendar invite for Thursday. The meeting was scheduled for 12:30pm entitled “Talent/ Business Communications” from my boss’s boss’s boss. This is it. I knew immediately. I am being laid off.
I started my Thursday listening to “God Provides” by Tamela Mann. Took a relaxing walk at Katy Trail. I’m leaning in on my love of the outdoors these days. I talked to other colleagues who received the same invitation and got the scoop on what to expect. Leading up to the call I researched the questions I needed to ask when being laid off. I was ready. The managing director of talent and a human resources professional were both on the line. Here we go. The director delivered the message with such sincerity. Made the words hurt a little less. Business conditions. Salary continuation. Eligible for rehire. It was a lot of information in a very quick call but there would be an email to follow up. My time at D ended Friday at noon. Numb.
God Provides
I am currently receiving messages on LinkedIn stating, “congratulations on your work anniversary.” I started May 24, 2021. Ending in May 19, 2023. A few days short of 2 whole years.
The gate attendant scanned my boarding pass and then asked me to wait while he then pushed another pre boarder down the ramp. I thought this whole interaction was a bit strange. Why did I need to stand for pre boarding holding my heavy cute duffle if he knew I would still be waiting. Annoyed. He comes back to the gate. This time he offered to carry my duffle. It’s a super cute pink duffle from Tote & Carry that I overstuffed and was definitely struggling to carry.
Note: I did a google search for a weekender bag a few years ago. Immediately Tote & Carry started popping up on all of my social media. Uber cute, slightly affordable and best of all black owned brand. Obviously, I added to cart and eventually I placed an order.
Once we walk to the plane he carefully hands me my duffle and a folded piece of white paper. I didn’t remember dropping my boarding pass or any papers. I said, thank you,” put the paper in my backpack and headed to find a good window seat.
Third row. Right side. Window seat. Bliss. Oh! Let me see what was on this paper I dropped.
He wrote on a piece or paper and old school slid his number in my hands and I didn’t even realize it. Blushing.
XOXO
Lesson: I’m even cute at 5am with only a little mascara and SPF. Good Molecules Dark Spot Serum is definitely decreasing the hyperpigmentation on my cheeks. #winning
Question: What’s something someone did that flattered you lately?
I daughtered on Saturday. I drove my Mom to complete her normal weekend errands. It was quite an adventure. We stopped at 4 different grocery stores. Each with a different list of items because you cannot get meat from just any store according to my Mom. I, on the other hand, typically buy all my groceries from one place. Target. I love the ability to get grapes, a cute journal and light bulbs all from one stop. Note: I prefer to shop online then open my front door and my groceries to be perfectly positioned at my doormat waiting to be put away.
Stock image that understood the assignment.
The second to last stop had trouble with the air conditioning. It was 90 degrees in Louisiana on Saturday afternoon. I started to feel overheated. My Mom said the same. I headed to the checkout looking for an ice cold water to hydrate. I checked all the lines and all refrigerators containing cold drinks. The choices were Fanta, Red Bull, Gatorade and Coke. Not one cold bottle of water was available in the store. Surprised by the lack of water but also not surprised at the same time. I settled with Gatorade.
Well, hello there.
Once my Mom got in the car I selected parent’s home as the destination. However, I was then told we had to get gas before going home. I was a bit confused. Seeing that we had ¾ of a tank, more than enough gas needed to get home. Why do we have to get gas now in 90 degree weather when we are BOTH exhausted? My Mom prefers to get gas from Sam’s Club. It is less expensive. We were already close to Sam’s which is twenty minutes away from my parent’s home. I headed to Sam’s Club on Siegen Lane.
Just Keep Swimming.
Even though my Mom had declared that she was hot and tired, she was able to keep going anyway. Just keep swimming. One of the most significant moments from the animated movie Finding Nemo was Dory telling her new friend Nemo to just keep swimming. The idea of just keep swimming gives us the hope we need to achieve the goal, to finish strong, and to persevere through the hard times. My Mom is a real life illustration of “Just keep swimming.” She has trials and tribulations in her life, yet she doesn’t give up. She just keeps swimming. I am incredibly thankful for the lessons that I have learned by simply being in her presence.
Happy Mother’s Day.
XOXO
Lesson: Prototype. Noun. The original or model on which something is based or formed.
Question: What lessons have you learned by watching the actions of your Mother?
I went camping. Not glamping. Let’s be clear. Real CAMPING. I am talking tents, sleeping bags, cast iron skillets and s’mores. I have come to the realization that I am in love with the outdoors minus mosquitoes.
Friday after work Coffee (my boo from Coffee Meets Bagel) and I loaded up the trunk, met up with two couples and then we caravanned to Lake Texoma, Oklahoma. Coffee drove. I slept the entire way. He’s a speed racer. Not sure what was the reason for the rush. It was best that I close my eyes. Lately, I have feelings of anxiety when other people are driving me. Which is very interesting considering I am not a great driver myself.
Once we arrived every couple worked together to put their tents up. Coffee and I had a regular tent. I assisted by handing him things. He’s so handy. Smile. The other two couples had matching penthouse tents. Their tents were one bedroom apartments bigger than some studio apartments I’ve seen on YouTube.
Tent Sweet Tent
That evening we sat around with the most deliciously seasoned steaks on the fire thanks to my friend. She and her husband coordinated the weekend. She confirmed I have a plus one a couple weeks ago and then asked if we were interested in a camping adventure. Coffee agreed immediately. Smile. He’s been working very hard this season. A weekend away was perfect timing. We all sat around the fire laughing and talking, listening to mellow music and simply enjoying life. Good people. Good vibes. Great times.
Saturday we had scrambled eggs with a vegetable medley. So delicious. The campsite was a short walk to the most relaxing and beautiful beach. I’m still amazed this was a quick road trip to Oklahoma. Wow. I love water. I laid on the sand near the water’s edge listening to a podcast about the ability to be both classy and ratchet at the same time with the sounds of the waves in the background. Bliss.
Saturday evening we played a conversation starting game I found on Amazon. The questions were a mixture of light and thought provoking questions. We talked about what we learned about marriage from watching our parents. I remember one of the husbands saying how much he admired his father and the way his father expresses love for his mother. It was quite beautiful to hear. Reassuring. Long lasting love exists.
I woke up to wet campgrounds Sunday morning. I slept so hard through what I heard was a rough storm. Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. Coffee kept checking the tent making sure it didn’t leak while I snored. Thankfully, we stayed pretty dry. We got up, broke down the tents, cleaned up our site, packed the trunk once again and headed back to the real world.
I had the most amazing time. I loved seeing Coffee interact in a group setting. He’s more reserved than I am (well honestly everyone is more reserved than me). I was nervous he would sit in the lonely lunch corner while the rest of us enjoyed each other’s company. Fortunately, I had nothing to be nervous about. Coffee was magnificent in every way. I feel like we’re even closer now. It feels good.
XOXO
Lesson: Add an air mattress on the camping essentials list. It takes my body two days to recover after two days of sleeping on the ground.
Question: What did you learn about marriage by watching your parents?
I calculated my total consumer debt this evening. It’s an auto loan, a personal loan, two credit cards and taxes. The number is so high I am not comfortable admitting it yet. Furthermore, that uncomfortable number plus my student loans is extremely uncomfortable. I need Biden to come through with some aid relief. I wish it called all be erased
I’m ashamed to be in this predicament. I’m ashamed that I’ve made a decent amount of money over my working life and I literally have nothing to show for it. No significant amount of savings considering all that I’ve received. It’s a damn shame. I can’t even tell you where the money went. I’m guessing travel, food, debt and my spectacular mirror that I call Dandelion. I’m fortunate enough to where I can start tackling this debt with my full time job if I stick to a strict budget.
So that’s the plan moving forward. I’m going to tackle this massive debt smallest to largest using the debt snowball method promoted by Dave Ramsey. I’m going to increase my income with a part time gig and a new side hustle.
I’ve got an interview with Ulta to be a Beauty Advisor. I’m pretty excited. What do you wear to an interview for a part time gig at Ulta?
The manager called today to invite me to interview. I made sure to clarify that my hair is currently neon pink. She said, “that’s fine!” Not actually sure why I felt the need to say anything in the first place. Probably an issue that I could bring up in counseling.
XOXO
Lesson: I can do hard things.
Question: Seriously, what should I wear to interview?
I really like Coffee. I like him. Whether it’s putting my old clutter in the dumpster, eating a home cooked meal on the floor of my apartment (I sold my sofa) or dancing in my office/ dining area to a rap song. The little things. I enjoy being in his presence.
We’ve been doing life together. He came to my place and we worked together twice this week. I love having a coworker near. Candidates say the dumbest things and it is fun to get off the phone then immediately have a hearty laugh at them with a nearby ear.
He came with me to make a return at Target. A simple task but walking the aisles next to a tall handsome man discussing acceptable alcohol content of wines is a scene from a movie. A movie that I have not played on in a long while. I believe I found this new role at just the right time in my life.
Chapter Two.
Lesson: Cigars International won’t be seeing me for a little while.
Last week I did a little impulse spending. Was it retail therapy? Hmmm? No. Well, maybe. Boredom also played a factor. I bought a desk. For Chapter Two. A gray glass desk from Target. I was scrolling the furniture section and found the cutest gray glass desk for $80. Original price was $232.99. It was on sale. I had to get it immediately.
I am moving into my new apartment next week and I had an impulse that I wanted a gray aesthetic and needed a new gray glass L shaped desk to go in the corner near the window. L shaped desks are boss to me. Girl boss. I bet Michelle Obama has a L shaped desk with a view of her garden.
Today’s impulse was that I would stick to go my tried and true colors. Black and white with pink as the accent color. Guess what! My current desk is black. A sleek black desk that also says girl boss.
After I finished my work day I ran an errand to Target and returned the gray glass desk. . . with Coffee.
XOXO
Lesson: Coffee makes a simple errand an adventure.
Question: Should I have kept the gray glass desk?
Prerequisite: Read my post entitled “A New Subscriber.” “An Errand” will hit differently.
I want to be an 180 pound (or less) financially secure active Christian women with a stable career that inspires good vibes and is stress free. I want to have a clean organized home of essentials only. I want to set daily priorities and cross them off the list by the end of each day. I want to have an active prayer life where I spend quality time in conversation with the Lord. I want to be an avid reader. I want to feel complete even in times when I am physically alone. I want to be in a steady committed relationship that is full of laughter but there is still room for tears together when it is warranted. I want to live a healthy life where I experiment with new vegetarian recipes sporadically but still includes Peanut Butter Snickers Pie from City Works every once in a while. I want to crave physical activity. I will start my day with a 30 minute workout Monday through Friday. I want to complete a Lovely Bodies 90 minute workout on Saturday mornings at least once a month. I want to talk to my counselor, Hope, on a monthly basis, I want to talk to my behavioral therapist, Tara, on a weekly basis, and I am going to add a trauma therapist in on a biweekly basis. I want to live by a daily cleaning routine. Bathrooms are on Mondays. Sundays are to reset for the week.
I have a lot of wants. Wait, are there a lot? Hmmm. They aren’t too much to want. I could want a million dollars too. Well, I do want a million dollars too. What I am trying to say is that I want a lot of things but I do not want too much. All of these things are completely doable. Consistently doable.
I have some very doable wants. I can do all that I want to do, but why don’t I?
XOXO
Lesson: Wants without actions are meaningless.
Question: What am I prepared to do on a daily basis to achieve the life that I want?
DDCANDTHECITY 