Author Archives: Danielle Clark

Chapter 2, Love Life

Errands

I ran an errand today.

Last week I did a little impulse spending. Was it retail therapy? Hmmm? No. Well, maybe. Boredom also played a factor. I bought a desk. For Chapter Two. A gray glass desk from Target. I was scrolling the furniture section and found the cutest gray glass desk for $80. Original price was $232.99. It was on sale. I had to get it immediately.

I am moving into my new apartment next week and I had an impulse that I wanted a gray aesthetic and needed a new gray glass L shaped desk to go in the corner near the window. L shaped desks are boss to me. Girl boss. I bet Michelle Obama has a L shaped desk with a view of her garden.

Today’s impulse was that I would stick to go my tried and true colors. Black and white with pink as the accent color. Guess what! My current desk is black. A sleek black desk that also says girl boss.

After I finished my work day I ran an errand to Target and returned the gray glass desk. . . with Coffee.

XOXO

Lesson: Coffee makes a simple errand an adventure.

Question: Should I have kept the gray glass desk?

Prerequisite: Read my post entitled “A New Subscriber.” “An Errand” will hit differently.

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About Me, Love Life, Mental Health

California King Bed

There was a time when I would spend entire weekends in the bed. Of course, I would get up to use the restroom and get something to eat. I would just get back into bed. I would rarely answer the phone. I would occasionally respond to text. I set the thermostat on the coldest temperature, restarted Grace and Frankie from season 1 episode 1 over and over and then get comfortable in bed ready to sleep the day away.

It did not dawn on me that my sleeping was a faint cry for help. If I did not have any obligations to go anywhere, then I would be in the bed. Was I depressed? The thought often crossed my mind. But if I was depressed then why wasn’t I also in bed during the week I wondered? I convinced myself that it wasn’t depression.

In hindsight, I believe it was a case of high functioning depression. My last relationship had ended. . . very badly. I thought he was my future Mr. I was entirely wrong about him and his intentions. I was sad and extremely lonely. The break up felt like a punch in the gut. Ouch! I didn’t want to show up for myself on the weekends. There was no cleaning routine. My place consistently looked like Hurricane DDC had ransacked everything. There was no desire to workout. There wasn’t a relationship with the Lord. I was grieving. I didn’t know it then, but I can clearly identify it now.

This was several years ago now. I was up this morning pulling the sheets off of my bed getting ready to wash (Wednesday is the day to clean my bedroom) and the thought crossed my mind of how I used to spend entire weekends in this bed. Thankfully, I am pass that phase of life. I function. I clean. I pray. I meditate. Occasionally I work out too. I do not want to go back to that place. I will not go back.

XOXO

Lesson: You never know the battles that people are fighting daily.

Question: Do you notice when the life of the party stops living?

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About Me, Chapter 2

Wants

I want to be an 180 pound (or less) financially secure active Christian women with a stable career that inspires good vibes and is stress free. I want to have a clean organized home of essentials only. I want to set daily priorities and cross them off the list by the end of each day. I want to have an active prayer life where I spend quality time in conversation with the Lord. I want to be an avid reader. I want to feel complete even in times when I am physically alone. I want to be in a steady committed relationship that is full of laughter but there is still room for tears together when it is warranted. I want to live a healthy life where I experiment with new vegetarian recipes sporadically but still includes Peanut Butter Snickers Pie from City Works every once in a while. I want to crave physical activity. I will start my day with a 30 minute workout Monday through Friday. I want to complete a Lovely Bodies 90 minute workout on Saturday mornings at least once a month. I want to talk to my counselor, Hope, on a monthly basis, I want to talk to my behavioral therapist, Tara, on a weekly basis, and I am going to add a trauma therapist in on a biweekly basis. I want to live by a daily cleaning routine. Bathrooms are on Mondays. Sundays are to reset for the week.

I have a lot of wants. Wait, are there a lot? Hmmm. They aren’t too much to want. I could want a million dollars too. Well, I do want a million dollars too. What I am trying to say is that I want a lot of things but I do not want too much. All of these things are completely doable. Consistently doable.

I have some very doable wants. I can do all that I want to do, but why don’t I?

XOXO

Lesson: Wants without actions are meaningless.

Question: What am I prepared to do on a daily basis to achieve the life that I want?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health

A New Subscriber

I met a guy on Coffee Meets Bagel a couple of weeks ago. I am doing something different to get something different. I started the chat by making my goals for online dating very clear and asked what did he desire. I no longer want to waste my time pursuing f*ck boys. Therefore, I need to know that a guy has some serious intentions with dating from the very beginning. Let’s call this one Coffee.

CMB

It has been a great two weeks. It is as if seeds are being planted. He plants the seeds and he waters them daily. We initially matched on February 13th. I started the chat. He responds in complete sentences (not just “k” or “that’s great” when I sent an essay). He doesn’t use text speak (i.e. wyd?) and I appreciate that. Reading complete sentences on dating apps is a huge turn on for me. Our first phone conversation was three hours. We talked about anything and everything. I felt like Alicia Keys singing, “Teenage Love Affair.” Coffee has an amazing sense of humor and he laughs at my jokes. He’s intelligent. He likes to go outside. He initiates outings. We have future plans to attend a wine festival after I get settled in my new place.

Spending time with him feels comfortable. We have easy conversation. I am able to be my natural weird self without judgement. I love that he laughs at my humor. Coffee is an introvert. Very different than my extrovert ways. He’s more reserved opposed to my outgoing, open and free spirit. He’s slim and I am thick. He only wants to sit in the front row at a concert while I do not mind touching the ceiling of the venue. They say opposites attract.

Since I started this blog I wondered how I would feel when a dating prospect read my words. Especially if I wanted to write about them! I mentioned my blog daily to Time Warner. I hoped at some point he would ask to see it. He never did. I want my mate to be an avid reader of my blog. He could give his honest opinions in response to the questions posed. I want him to quote a my words the way Dre quoted Sidney in Brown Sugar, “simplicity provides a fine line between elegance and plainness.”

Coffee read my blog today.

XOXO

Lesson: I like my Coffee, tall bright and handsome.

Question: How should a love interest demonstrate their interest for you to receive it?

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health

Red Flag(s)

How many red flags before you are out? Is it like baseball? Three strikes and you are out. Or . . . is it one red flag and then game is over?

Damn. It’s 1. Is it ONE!!!!!!!

Why do I give Stop Sign(s) a second chance? Well, actually I give five chances. Today was the fifth red flag! WTF!

I need to sit with this.

XOXO

Lesson: Expect more, give less.

Question: When is my next therapy session?

Note: Read the blog post entitled, “Stop Sign.”

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Chapter 2, Love Life

My Buddy

Y’all! I made a platonic male friend! I’m so excited. He’s a cool professional dude. He is in the beginning stage of a divorce, so dating him isn’t an option. He’s cool to hang around and talk to. I love having access to a male opinion. We have some things in common. Interest in cigars, networking as a social activity and making decisions which bring peace of mind.

He and I met at a networking mixer, then connected over LinkedIn. Very informative conversations. He read the book that I’m currently working with, 12 Week Year. It is a real pleasure to have intellectual conversation with a male. Let’s give him a name. . . Buddy!

Buddy has connected me with his fraternity brother to speak on a panel to college students about the organization I work for. Speaking on a panel is on this year’s vision board! I’m nervous. I don’t know what I am going to say yet. I will work on an outline next week. The panel isn’t until March. I’ve got time to prepare thoroughly.

XOXO

Lesson: Maintain meaningful relationships with forward thinking individuals.

Question: Can men and women be friends?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Balance

What are your thoughts on meditation? I used to think it was just a gimmick. It was silent breathing, sitting cross cross applesauce and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Shout out to Tina Turner and Angela Basset. Meditation was for people who were holistic, who use the word “chakra” and buy natural deodorants from Sprouts. That is not me. However, recently I started practicing meditation as a part of my morning routine and I can testify that meditation is a beneficial practice.

For the last 21 days I have been practicing morning meditations. Sometimes twice in a day using the Balance app. I like a mid day reset to conquer my afternoons. I feel mental clarity, increased relaxation and focus because of meditation. The ability to focus on the task at hand has been amazing. I am typically very easily distracted by shiny objects. My BFF calls me Squirrel. SQUIRREL!

I have tried to meditate several times in the past. I could not stop my mind from wondering to other random thoughts. I’d think about to do lists and what groceries I needed to restock. I would give up after 2-3 days. What a difference timing and motivation makes. Now I crave meditation. A mid day reset does the trick to get a renewed dose of focus for the second half of the workday. My new clarity has encouraged the desire to learn more about all of the benefits of meditation. Did you know that meditation can increase imagination and creativity?

The Balance app is great for meditation beginners. The app asks questions daily about my experience with meditation and uses the answers to tailor the days guided meditation. There are two choices for meditation coaches. I chose the Black male. His voice is calm and familiar. The app also has meditation plans designed for your specific need at the time I.e. relieve stress, find focus, ease loneliness, facing fear, and pain relief. I will be sure to practice the meditation that eases loneliness when neccessary.

XOXO

Lesson: Download the Balance app.

Question: What does meditation do for you?

Note: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a Buddhist chant the enables chanters to embrace the entirety of the text and uncover their Buddhanature. It actually has nothing to do with meditation.

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Love Life

Weird

I have grown up with the understanding that I move differently than most. Some call it a free spirit. Some call it haphazard. The label you use doesn’t matter much to me. It is the sentiment that I admire. I am not your average woman. Recently, someone called me weird, but I believe the intent was to be hurtful this time.

I have been living by a daily cleaning schedule. Wednesdays is bedroom cleaning day, I am about to put my bedding in the wash when I take a break from this post. I pick out the drinks in my refrigerator from left to right. I expect visitors to do the same. Let me see, what else. I cannot have the sound from the tv on while I am working, but I can listen to music loudly and work and still am able to work productively. My very large mirror has a name, Dandelion and is my prized possession. I occasionally talk to my mirror. Just a comment here and there, never an entire conversation. But that is probably because a mirror cannot talk back. I have a particular way to make my bed in the morning. There is a designated order to the way the pillows are positioned. I go to bed watching the same Netflix show every single night for the last 3-4 years. I do not watch reality tv. It actually irks my nerves to even hear realty tv on my television. I have a special spot where I sit on the sofa. I politely ask guests to switch seats with me if they get to my seat first.

I received a text message stating that I am, “too weird.” Hmmm. Weird. Weird? I am definitely a different kind of a person. But am I weird?

Let me know what you think.

XOXO

Lesson: What someone else thinks about me is irrelevant to me.

Question: Do you think he meant “weird” as an insult?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health

Mittens

My dating life has been filled with heartbreak and disappointment. The trails that I have endured have lead me to ask God, “what are You trying to teach me?” What am I to learn from these trials? I am obviously not getting it. Whatever IT is. There has to be a reason for this heartbreak to keep coming one after another. What is it, God? Can You make the lesson clear to me?!? I must be doing something wrong to not have experienced the love that I long for. Does this mean I need to stop trying? Should I get a cat or two and settle into being a fine ass auntie (with no niece or nephew)?

Ironically, I do want a cat. I want to have something to talk to in my empty nest. I have been wanting one for a few years now. The stigma around single women and cats is the major reason I do not have a cat. Hmmm. On some level, I care about what other people think about me. I know I am not supposed to care, but I actually do. I don’t want to meet a guy and he shame me for having a cat. I do not want to have to pay for the boarding of a cat when I travel. My parent’s would never allow the cat in their home. My mom already told me that I would have to leave my cat in the garage when I came home.

I am going to put some thought into what I will do with the cat when I travel.

XOXO

Lesson: I do not know the lesson today.

Question: What is God trying to tell me?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Love Life

Boo Boo

I met a man. Well, I rekindled a 15+ year old fling.

Have you ever been to Cigars International? Last Saturday, I felt like stepping out. Sent a text to a girlfriend and asked if she wanted to be seen as much as I did. She declined. It doesn’t bother me to go out solo solo. Actually, I enjoy it. I got dressed up real nice with my big ass black hoop earrings and headed to Cigars International.

Men love cigars. I love men. The mean at Cigars International always love me. I get chose every time I am there. I like going. A lot. It is nice sized, has a huge patio outside with a fire pit and ample seating. I need access to a seat in order to leave the house. Inside there are several big comfy leather chairs in the center.

I walked in and all I could see were men. Black handsome men. I love that place. Smile. I might go tonight. I walked around looking for a suitor and an empty chair. I walk by the big comfy chairs and I hear my name. “Danielle!” It was a familiar voice. I looked down and sitting there was (let’s call him) Time Warner looking damn good with a new to me beard with shades of gray. Mmmm. Well okay Time Warner. Time has been good to you.

Many moons ago I called Time Warner Cable. My cable had been turned off for nonpayment. Hehe. I think I called to negotiate and Time Warner was the customer service representative. His voice was so sexy that I got his information and we started seeing each other. I can remember chilling at Maxwell’s Lounge with Time Warner. He was always very nice and treated me good.

We sat at Cigars International together for the rest of night catching up. He’s still really nice. I enjoyed being with him again and then he asked me to be his girl friend. Just like that. I said yes. Me. A whole girlfriend!

We starting hanging out daily. It feels so good to have someone.

XOXO

Update: Time Warner and I are not equally yoked. I am a single woman.

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