Tara, my Program Therapist, asked if I had ever thought about becoming a life coach at the end of our last session. Look at God! It is wild that she would ask. Especially right now. Perfect timing. I put “life coach” all over this year’s vision board(s).
I love visioning. I have 4 pages of visions in my Day Designer planner, my laptop wallpaper is a vision board, my iPhone wallpaper is a vision board and I have recently started putting a vision board at the start of every week in my Savor planner.. . Yes, I have two planners.
Day Designer Vision
Thrive. Conscious spending. Weight loss. Reading. A beach with my boo. Mentorship. Professionalism. Intention. Affirmations. Contentment. Strength training. A trip to Jamaica. Execution. Pilates. Endless streams of income. Healthy living. Yoga. Deloitte. Love. Peace. Intimate moments. Savings. My tribe. Consistency. Mental health. Thrive.
My word for 2023 is THRIVE.
I am on a self love journey full of self care, establishing systems, and execution. It is a journey, not a destination. Thoughts of love and beauty come to mind in my day dreams. I am equipped with resources to find the answers to life’s questions. There is happiness in my life. Peace that surpasses all understanding. I have joy in my soul.
I want to share that happiness with others. I want them to look past their adverse circumstances and focus on the blessings in their lives. I want to walk them through the steps that I took (and others) to establish systems. I want to be there when they reach their goals.
Therefore, I have completed my certification in life coaching. As of this morning, I am officially a certified Happiness Life Coach.
XOXO
Lesson: You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.
In the words of Estelle, “thank you for making me a woman.”
I grew up today. I officially became an adult. An adult who cleans her stove on Tuesday nights.
What are your daily routines? Whether it be making your bed first thing in the morning, writing in a prayer journal at bedtime or cleaning the kitchen every Oven Cleaning Tuesday? I am proud to say I have began utilizing systems. James Clear would be so proud.
I have watched 500+ YouTube tutorials and pinned an infinite amount of images on various daily routines for entertainment purposes only until today. Check out my Pinterest. https://pin.it/6IhirV9
Pinterest has officially changed the trajectory of my life.
I am not sure who found it first. Nope. Yes. I do remember. I asked My Married Friend to look for daily cleaning routines and she understood the assignment.
It’s Tuesday night so I cleaned the kitchen. I am in the middle of cleaning the kitchen. I took a break to write this new beginning.
My official acceptance of adulthood.
Hear ye, hear ye, all who are listening! I, DDCandthecity, do declare from this day forward Tuesdays shall officially be known as Oven Cleaning Tuesday.
I have washed the dishes, sprayed Clorox All Purpose Cleaner on all the surfaces, and scrubbed the refrigerator. I also mopped. Turns out I should have left mopping as the last chore. It was not a good idea as I am not yet finished cleaning the kitchen but the floor is wet.
A guy told me that if his significant other left the house to go on a girl’s trip, then her stuff would be packed once she returned. He believes that women who take girl’s trips are not faithful on those trips. Dude was so very adamant about it. As if he had conducted scientific research analyzing every action on every girl’s trips.
I’ve been on several girl’s trips in my life. Infidelity is not the cornerstone of a girl’s trip. I have never been in a relationship when I was on a girl’s trip come to think about it. But, I do not see anything wrong with it and I would also encourage my mate to take a guy’s trip from time to time. His thinking is a definite red flag. A stop sign actually. The same guy also says that he will never get married. He expressed his feelings regarding marriage while we were on our first date. It was a brunch at Ellen’s in Deep Ellum. The food was amazing as usual but the conversation had its challenges. His ideas regarding marriage were his first red flag.
The second red flag was when he was telling me about his experience at a cigar bar. A lady felt compelled to list her accomplishments. He didn’t like that. She must have also said something regarding a height requirement that he did not meet. This brought the ugly out of him. In retelling the events of the night he called this young lady out of her name with such conviction that it stung to hear it.
That’s three red flags. How many are too many? I guess it would depend on what they are . . . or does it?
XOXO
Lesson: Consider ending the talking phase at the first red flag.
I am leaving my old identity and becoming Danielle 2.0 in 2023. Previously, I identified myself as lazy. I thought it was just who I was. I was lazy. I did not keep promises to myself. Promises of productivity. Whether it was to make my bed up or to wake up at 5am. I didn’t do it. Well, at least not consistently. So I am leaving “lazy Danielle” in 2022.
What else?
Stupid girl behavior. I am no longer running after these no good dudes who are not worth my time. This one may be a challenge for me. I have exhibited stupid girl behavior for so long that it is second nature to me. I will clean my phone out and block a few dudes that do not belong in 2023. They probably should have already been deleted. But hey, I have to start somewhere.
Confessions of a shopaholic. Have you seen the movie, Confessions of Shopaholic? The main character’s name is Rebecca Bloomwood. I named my car after her because I bought the car at a time when I definitely did not need a shiny new car, could not afford the car note and my credit rating made the interest rate incredibly high. I saw an advertisement for a similar car. Went to test drive it, then saw the car I bought and new I had to have it immediately. I am leaving impulsive shopping in 2022.
Unhealthy food choices. The human body is a beautiful thing. God made us in his image and therefore, I want to show appreciation for this vessel that HE has bestowed upon me in the way I choose to nourish it. Am I saying that I will give up sweets completely? Absolutely not! But do I need to order two cheesecakes from The Cheesecake Factory to be delivered to me at a bar that ran out of their desserts, no. Not anymore.
Ashy knees. Well ash is general. I am leaving ash in 2022. I bought a large Nivea recently and I will use it. Daily. Not only on the skin that is showing after I put my clothes on, the entire body.
XOXO
Lesson: I get to determine who I want to be. Danielle 2.0 is here.
He was famous, married to a beautiful woman, and the father of three. Living the American dream from the outside. But on the inside he couldn’t live another day. It breaks my heart to think of the intensity of mental anguish that he felt and no one knew.
Did he know the magnitude of his presence? He had an impact that mattered. He mattered.
Did he know? People come out in masses to post kind words once something has happened to someone. But do we ask people how they are doing and give them a safe space to answer before a tragedy? Do we look at their lives and think that because of their Instagram everything is fine and forget to discover the whole story? Instagram doesn’t show the whole story no matter how much I post. Everything will never make it to IG.
I spent time strolling through his Instagram. Lots of smiles, laughs, anniversaries and expertly choreographed dances. A Picture perfect collection of an incomplete story.
It just reminds me of the day I had a seizure at Lava Cantina. spaghetti sauce all over my white Memorial Day attire. The ambulance was called. Bartenders were caring for me. I was rolled out of Lava Cantina on a gurney. The EMT suggested I get further treatment at the nearest Emergency Room. I didn’t have health coverage. I couldn’t afford an ER visit. Instead of medical care I posted my “before” on Instagram.
XOXO
Lesson: Check on your “life of the party” friends. We have unspoken troubles too.
** Sincerest shout out to my Gooden friend. She saw my seizure first hand, went into immediate action, drove me home and stayed with me while I recovered on the sofa. She is also consistently the first one to recognize when I’m absent from social media in a mental funk. I will always love her for that and return the thoughtfulness.
Question: When was the last time you reached out to a person that you don’t normally engage with to do a wellbeing check?
Call to Action: Check on your strong friend or family member TODAY. Say, “sincerely, how are you really doing?”
I met a guy and instantly imagined I was with my new boo thang. I envisioned us cuddling on the sofa watching Sunday football for the rest of the day. I would be on the couch watching him fold his laundry and complete other Sunday chores. I would offer to assist periodically and he would decline and tell me to, “just relax.”
Get these from Whole Foods. You will not be disappointed!
As you may have gathered I’m currently sitting in my corner spot on the sofa, snacking on plant based cookies that I promise taste like Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies writing this post. No chores were done together.
I had imagined this amazing future with a stranger. We barely even communicated at brunch. The only thing I know about this man is his address. Why would I have attached this magical connection to him in the first place?!? Something has to be seriously wrong with me in regards to men if I seriously thought that I would ever hear from him again.
I need Hope right now. I need hope too! This man gave absolutely no indication that he was even mildly interested in me. He really didn’t. I threw myself at him at, “hello.”
I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I feel confused. What is it about me that consistently chooses the wrong guy? Consistently! The absolute only thing they want from me is it. But now it makes me recognize what all of the guys in the past have had in common. . . me. It’s me.
I lead with it. If they lead with it, then cool too. But it isn’t all that I want. I truly want a fairytale. I want to have this awesome meet cute with a guy near the oranges counter at Target. We banter. We finish our grocery shopping together. We go to the Starbucks area and talk until his ice cream melts then we walk off into sunset. Where would I even get that from? No one in my life is living this fairytale that I dream about. Why would I even think it existed? Something needs to be fixed with my thought processes. My imagination runs in the wrong direction.
XOXO
Lesson: Real life is not a fairytale.
Question: Why do you think I have this fairytale? For real. I’d like to know some thoughts. DM me on Instagram @ddcandthecity
I’m feeling . . . some type of way. I don’t know how to describe it. Wait, let me check my feelings wheel. . .
Numb.
I feel numb.
Deprived of the power of sensation. Deprived of words. I can’t stop thinking about the possibility that the multiple sclerosis has progressed. That I will be told there are more lesions on my brain. What will I do?
Tear.
Then at that very moment I hear Beyoncé’s voice belt through my radio!
You won’t break my soul
You won’t break my soul
You won’t break my soul
You won’t break my soul
I’m tellin’ everybody
MS, YOU WONT BREAK MY SOUL!
The results don’t matter. I’m going to be alright. I will handle whatever happens like I’m 100% THAT GIRL.
XOXO
Lesson: Don’t worry about things you have zero control over. It won’t help so why waste the time. Instead, enjoy every moment to its fullest potential.
Chapter 2 is what I am calling this season of my life. I have had some significant changes in the my life in these last two years (became an empty nester, landed a role with an organization that I only thought existed in fairy tales, health and wellness became a priority in my life, my role within my immediate family has shifted, and I was diagnosed with a significant health condition).Who I was two years ago no longer exists. I have decided that I will no longer simply go with the flow of life and instead be intentional with the direction that I flow. Being intentional is the new black.
Defining Chapter 2
I’d like to define my intentions for Chapter 2 in writing. Putting these thoughts on the world wide web will give me a new level of accountability that in past would have scared me. Today, however, it inspires me. An audience to my goals, a defined beginning, progress updates, and a concrete reference of my intentions when I need to be reminded. I am known in my friend group to be a planner. I love lists. My friend and I joked today that I am the type who would have a list of the lists that I want to make. But as much as I do love planning ironically the follow through is rare. What is the value of a plan without actions? Absolutely nothing! A waste of the time and effort expended to create the plan. Chapter 2 will be my period of setting a schedule, showing the work in progress, stumbles, and ultimately the outcome.
Introducing AbleTo
As a benefit to my health insurance, I have been offered with no additional copay a therapist and a certified health and wellness/ behavioral coach through an 8 week program called AbleTo. I have excellent insurance benefits with my fairy tale organization. I had my initial meeting with my assigned therapist today. She is a goal driven therapist. She emailed homework after our intake call. I have an assignment. In today’s session she went through a self care assessment to determine the goals of our 8 weeks together. The assessment was detailed with sections that covered physical self care, psychological/emotional self care, social self care, spiritual self care, and professional self care. I had to rate my current levels of self care with several questions in each section from 1-3. 1 meant needs a lot of work, 2 means there’s been effort but still needs improvement and 3 meant I am currently doing well in the area.
How would you rate your current self care routine?
Some of the questions under physical self care umbrella were “eat healthy foods,” “get enough sleep,” “exercise,” and “participate in fun activities.” Overall, I would rate my physical self care at a 2. I have pretty good physical self care. Sleep is my friend. I do enjoy when I complete a workout. However, I lacked structure and consistency. My goal in physical self care is to create a consistent exercise schedule and participate in more fun physical activities. The suggestions were walking, swimming, dancing and sports. I love dance as a workout. It is super entertaining with friends. I have been to a few classes when the opportunity has presented itself but I’d love to do them more frequently. I am thinking of looking for one fun physical activity monthly.
The second category is psychological/ emotional self care where some of the questions were “participates in hobbies,” “get away from distractions,” “express my feelings in a healthy way,” and “go on vacations or day trips.” Overall, I would rate myself at a 2 in this area. I do well, but need consistency. The goal is to consistently express my feelings through a weekly blog post on published every Thursday and to limit screen time to lunch time instead of throughout the work day.
Next up is social self care. I am definitely capable of being a social butterfly but there is still an opportunity to be more consistent. Are you noticing a pattern? I lacked consistency. The goals in this area are to schedule time to connect with friends and family who are long distant. Make a list of the people that I’d like to connect with and then call each one periodically. Sending Instagram posts and writing, “this is us” is not sufficient and doesn’t build meaningful connections.
I give myself a 1 in spiritual self care. There is a lot of room for improvement here. Improvement in my prayer life, consistent attendance in worship, mindfulness, and gratitude. The goals are to attend worship service regularly, write in a prayer journal nightly, and in a gratitude journal in the mornings. I love the Lord. I need to let Him know. Give Him my burdens listen to messages from Him.
Lastly, my professional self care is a 2. The questions here were “learn new things related to my profession,” “maintain balance between my professional and personal life,” “say no to excessive new responsibilities,” and keep a comfortable workspace that allows me to be successful.” The goal is to complete the Google Project Management Certificate. To work on an assignment Monday – Friday after my work day until completion and also to build a network with a new colleague once a month.
Watch this.
Chapter 2 has begun! Here are the goals. I am open to receiving accountability. I will be transparent with my progress. I appreciate you taking the journey with me.
XOXO
Lesson: Yesterday, I lacked structure and consistency, but today is a new day.
Question: What does your Chapter 2 entail? What goals do you want to accomplish? What defines your current chapter?
Today was such a good day. Started my day in the office. I dressed like that girl and presented like a boss. I was late. That’s irrelevant:) Next was my biweekly meeting with my leader where we laughed at delusional candidates and discussed Amazon finds. What was next? A few administrative tasks. A little social media. A call with a candidate on the verge of an offer to discuss salary. Then, the best part of MY workday. My midday nap. I got up and got completed some professional productivity combined with some personal creativity. I signed up for a December workout program in Grand Prairie. Oh my! I do not like to drive long distances. However, I will do it for results. Pretty excited. I’ve seen some drastic results. Such a good day that when evening came I felt like talking, talking, talking. I get that from Funky Dineva. I love me some old school Funky Dineva.
I called my mom. What did we talk about? Let me think. An update on my dad. Made a decision about Christmas plans. So excited. I’ve made some great plans. I can’t wait to reveal the surprise to her. What else? Hair products! My mom has been having trouble finding the perfect products for her hair. It been fun playing with all of the different brands she has auditioned. We talked about watching HGTV. I love watching the different shows. Love it or List it is my current favorite.
Next I talked to my BFF. It was a quick update on the fantastic plans I have for my mom’s Christmas gift this year. We touched on a few other topics but nothing notable.
My married friend was next. My Godchild did not want to say “hello” to me. That’s cool. I’ve had that feeling so I’ll let it slide. Gave my friend an update on the specialists that my neurologist has referred me too. It is all exciting. My medical team is coming along beautifully. I had to make a note about my foot. It feels like there’s a grip holding it tight after I walk for a little while. It is a new “thing.” I don’t know what to call it. Maybe, symptom? Anyway. It is a new way that multiple sclerosis is presenting for me. She rushed me off the phone to have a good conversation with her husband. Cute.
Then I called…hmm. He needs a nickname. Let me think. OMG of course! He will be called AfroTech. We met at the very end of the last day of the Expo Hall at AfroTech . Witty conversation. Very flirtatious. Spoke of a potential future. We walked down Sixth Street in Austin and eventually stopped at a bar with live music. The generous bartender was a chatty young Becky. I loved how AfroTech was able to keep up the conversation. Points. I love personality. No wallflowers for me please. I called AfroTech and we talked a bit. I have an interview on Thursday morning. He had some insightful tips on interview preparation, words of encouragement, and then had to get off of the phone to finish with his homework. Points.
Parking Lot was next. A dude whose nickname has been declared as Parking Lot. There was minimal small talk. Random thoughts from a gummy. Insightful revelations on my part. Then let me tell you what this dude said! He told me that he doesn’t like small talk. He only wants to talk on the phone when there is critical information. Otherwise, he “would prefer to text and multitask.” Well, that was fun. Delete. No need to keep his number, I will not be using it again. Another one bites the dust.
XOXO
Lesson: I am a talker.
Question: Tell me about the last time you felt talking talking talking!
On Thanksgiving day, my mom and I went to visit my dad in the behavioral health unit of Baton Rouge General. My dad has had severe mental health issues my entire life. Bipolar, depression, anxiety, and possibly schizophrenia. He has spent the majority of this last year in and out of mental institutions. My dad’s psychiatrist of the last 30+ years died in 2021. The new doctors keep changing his medication and now my dad isn’t the same anymore.
Before we left the house my mom call and asked if we could bring him Thanksgiving dinner and the facility said, “outside food is not allowed in the unit.” We were escorted to the visitor’s room and a few minutes later an aide rolled my dad into the room in a wheelchair. He has been having trouble walking for a while. He uses a walker at home. Seeing him in the wheelchair made it all real to me. My dad needs a wheelchair. He did not know that I was coming with my mom so when his eyes caught my eyes the excitement was undeniable.
It was my first visit seeing him in the hospital. My dad has been in and out of mental institutions my entire life for erratic behavior. However, I can count on one hand how many times I have actually seen him in that state. My parent’s still think of me as a their baby. I am the youngest of two. They have sheltered me from the whole story my entire life. On the other hand, my sister is older. She was not able to receive that same shelter growing up unfortunately. Therefore, she and I have different relationships with our dad.
The visit was short, but pleasant. No appearance of erratic behavior. His words were clear. He apologized for ruining the holiday and my birthday. He did not ruin anything. My mom was able to sneak in some Barq’s root beer for him. He smiled. He was happy. We talked about cars and had some small talk. He remembered a conversation he had with my son from the summer about Mason’s Thanksgiving plans. My dad adores my son. Mason is my dad’s only grandson.
This last week the doctors were changing some of my dad’s medications and he would be ready for discharge on Black Friday.
Black Friday came. My mom went to get him. I met them at the front door. This time when my dad’s eyes caught mine he started crying. Wailing. I did not know what to do. For some reason, the only words that came to me were, “how are you doing?” I was pretty sure that those were not the right words and this was not the right time. I guided him to his room. I stood next to him in silence as he continued to cry.
This was all unreal to me. My dad sat in the room for hours crying and refusing to eat anything. This is how they discharged him? Is he somehow better? Cannot be! Seeing my dad this way was extremely painful. My mom has to function like this daily!?! How?!?
How does it make me feel? Let me get my feelings wheel out.
Helpless. I feel helpless. I don’t have the words to say that will fix it all. I don’t know what to do. How can I help him? How can I help my mom as his caregiver?
What am I supposed to do?
Xoxo
Lesson: Make sure that I have long term care coverage.
Question: The roles are changing as we age. Who am I now that I’m no longer the baby of the family?
DDCANDTHECITY 