Chapter 2, Multiple Sclerosis

Memories

I often wish my memory were stronger, as I tend to be out of sight, out of mind, frequently forgetting details of my past. This challenge is compounded by my diagnoses of relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis, mild cognitive impairment, and ADHD, all of which contribute significantly to my memory loss. Yet, it’s fascinating that I can recall the lyrics to TRU’s 1997 song ‘I Always Feel Like’ featuring Mia X almost word for word.

I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me

I’m paranoid I can’t sleep, I’m in the dope game

I think these hoes and these n*ggas out to get me mane

I often find myself wishing I could better remember the moments of my past. Without a significant nudge from someone who was there, recalling events feels like trying to piece together fragments of a story. Despite this, I am—and always have been—a bold, pink starburst kind of person: spontaneous, vibrant, and full of surprises. I speak freely, with no filter, and even I don’t always know what’s going to come out next. This fearless approach has brought me countless amazing experiences over the years, moments of joy, laughter, and connection that I desperately wish I could remember in detail.

Today is my BIRTHDAY, and I have one special request that would be the perfect gift to make my day. Has there been a moment during our time together that stands out? Maybe something I said or did that made you laugh or left an impression? If so, could you share it in the comments and help jog my memory? Your stories mean the world to me, and they would be a wonderful way to relive those precious experiences.

DDC

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Am I the Problem?

Lately, I’ve been on a rollercoaster with Facebook Dating. It’s been a cycle of joining, swiping, chatting, and leaving—only to come back and try again. A few meet-and-greets have come from it, and while some were genuinely pleasant, none have led to the connection I’m looking for. Either the spark wasn’t there for me, or it wasn’t reciprocated.  

I’ve met some nice people, but I’ve also found myself matching with individuals I wasn’t initially attracted to. I told myself it was about being open-minded, giving people a chance to grow on me, and stepping out of my comfort zone. But time and again, those efforts have proven unsuccessful. Attraction, as it turns out, can’t be forced—and neither can chemistry.  

Here’s the thing: I know I’m the prize. I know my worth, my value, and all the amazing things I bring to the table. So why is it so hard for me to truly live in that truth? Why do I keep finding myself settling for less than I deserve, hoping that somehow the situation will rise to meet me?  

The hard truth is, I’m the common denominator in all these experiences. It’s not easy to admit, but if I keep falling into the same patterns, I have to ask myself: Am I the problem? Am I the one blocking my own blessings by settling, doubting, or compromising on what I truly want and need?  

Recognizing this isn’t about self-blame; it’s about self-awareness. It’s about understanding that I can’t expect to find a deep, meaningful connection if I’m not fully aligned with what I deserve and willing to hold out for it.  

The truth is, being the prize means more than just knowing it—it means living it. It means refusing to settle, trusting the process, and having faith that the right connection will come when it’s meant to. It means being patient with myself, being okay with being single for a little longer, and focusing on my own growth and happiness.  

So no, I don’t think I’m “the problem” in the traditional sense. But I do think I have work to do. Work to ensure that my actions align with my self-worth. Work to break free from patterns of settling. Work to remember that I am worthy of a love that’s reciprocal, passionate, and authentic.  

DDC

Lesson: Yes. I may be the problem, but I’m also the prize—and it’s time I start living like it.  

Question: Are you the problem? 

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About Me, Career, Chapter 2, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health, Personal Finances

Louisiana Living

Six months ago, I packed up my life, loaded a U-Haul, and left behind nearly two decades in Texas to start fresh in Louisiana. 

I had spent 19 years building a life, raising my son, and making memories away from home, but the pull to return was undeniable. After my Daddy passed, my Mama was left alone, feeling aged and heartbroken, and I found myself alone, without a career, and needing a new direction. So I made the choice to come back, ready to be there for my Mom and to start life anew.

The decision wasn’t easy—starting over in your 40s takes resilience, adaptability, and, to be honest, a good supply of lotion infused tissues for those tough days and deep, tearful moments. A lot of tears have been shed. I felt a pull to rediscover my roots, reconnect with family, and carve out a new path.

This journey has come with plenty of adjustments and a fair share of unknowns. From adapting to life with my mom under one roof again, to building a new career, nurturing my faith, and even finding ways to invest in my own wellness, these last six months have challenged and changed me. Each step has been about more than just unpacking boxes; it’s been about uncovering pieces of myself that I hadn’t focused on in years. A new beginning.

Home. All boxes are unpacked, and my clothes and things are put away—everything has a place, and there’s a place for everything. After twenty years of living on my own since leaving my parents’ house with my one-year-old son, moving back has been an adjustment. A huge adjustment. I was a bit worried, knowing that in the past, Mom and I had a track record. We could only go about four days together before our personalities started to clash. How would it be to live under her roof, under her eye, and under her expectations?

Now, we seem to be adjusting pretty well—or at least, I think so. Wishful thinking. Every few weeks, I get the inevitable “we need to talk” conversation. This month’s topic? Replacing the wine I finished. Fair enough. So, after work, I’m off to the local grocery store to pick up two bottles of wine per her request.

Career. I now hold three jobs: bartender, barista, and Bursar’s Assistant. The first two are part-time weekend roles, while the Bursar’s Assistant is a full-time, four-month contract position with the college. Being in a state role here in Louisiana feels significant, and I can almost feel my dad smiling down, proud to see me in a government-related role like he once was. Miss you Daddy.

This summer, my good friend encouraged me to apply to a temp agency with hopes of finding work at Southern University, despite it being over 30 miles away. And about a month ago, I received a job offer much closer to home—a position at a local community college less than six miles from where I live. Blessed and highly favored. I’ve driven by the sign for the college countless times without truly noticing it, so discovering it in this way felt meant to be. Huge thanks to TT!

My second week at the college I expressed my interest in becoming a permanent team member and asked to meet with the Director of Human Resources. I came to the conversation prepared with points thoroughly outlining my qualifications for a posted Technology Coordinator role—and it was clear that the Director was just as ready to discuss the unposted HR Coordinator role with me. Smile. After a welcoming conversation, I applied for the HR Coordinator position where I’d be “the face of the human resources department.” The face? Wow! Right up my alley!! 

Wellness. I’ve been doing pretty good with consistent daily walks, which have become a reliable part of my routine. I tried the Beachbody 21-Day Fix program, a plan that helped me lose 30 pounds in the past, but this time, I haven’t managed to complete it. I’m leaning towards a simpler approach—sticking with daily walks, strength training twice a week, and practicing portion control. My sweet tooth had been out of control, but I’m finally reining it in. Though my attempts to restart a more intense fitness regimen haven’t stuck, I’m grateful for the consistency I’ve found in simpler routines that keep me grounded and healthy.

Relationships. This is an area where I continue to struggle. I am intensely lonely. Tears. The last six months have been deeply lonely; when I arrived, I isolated myself, rarely reaching out to others. Depression weighed heavily, leaving me without much to say. Worried about being perceived as “the depressed girl,” I stayed in my own bubble, finding comfort in audiobooks. So far, I’ve listened to 50 books this year—more than I have read in my lifetime combined.

Now, I almost feel ready to reconnect, but I’m not quite sure how to step back into social circles. Do I need to schedule time with friends, like an appointment? Everyone has busy lives of their own. Maybe I will ask ChatGPT to create a structured approach to re-entering the world. Gotta love the ChatGPT!  Mom and I are under the same roof but I still can’t quite say we are close. Tears. My son and I have set up a weekly call, and each week we find a good time to talk, catching each other up on our lives. I love me some Mason Riley:) That one connection has been a lifeline, and maybe it’s a good model for reconnecting with others.

Spiritual. In October, I took a meaningful step and became a member of a local Baptist church. This past Sunday, I signed up to serve in the Media Ministry, and I’ll attend my first meeting this Wednesday. I also began a prayer journal over the weekend. Since I’m new to prayer journaling, I’m using the ACTS Prayer Model—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication—as a guide for my entries. 

Personal. I started the Google Project Management Program two years ago. 24 months. Though it’s advertised as a six-month program, I have a former colleague who managed to complete it in just five weeks. I’m currently on course 5 out of 6. I finished the coursework once but didn’t pass the exam, so I’m going through the modules a second time, now taking detailed notes to ensure I fully understand the material.

Finances. I’m thrilled to say that I finally have a little cushion in the bank, and it feels amazing. My bartending job has allowed me to save cash money for the first time in my life. Last month, Mom and I went to get our toes done, and being able to pay for my own gel pedicure was a small but meaningful milestone in my financial progress.

Creativity. Becoming a YouTube content creator was one of my top goals for 2024, but so far, I’ve only managed to produce a handful of videos. I’m not entirely sure what’s holding me back—maybe it’s the fear of others judging my videos, a lack of clarity on how to navigate YouTube, or perhaps I don’t want it as much as I initially thought. I need to reflect on my motivations and determine the next steps to move forward.

On November 16, 2024 it will be officially six months back in Louisiana, and I’m finally beginning to feel grounded. Unpacking all my belongings was just the first step; now I’m learning to navigate life with family again and balancing new roles that push me forward professionally. I’ve embraced each challenge with patience and humor, including the occasional mother-daughter “we need to talk” chats. Every area of life has required intention, from joining a church community to stabilizing my finances and prioritizing health and creativity.

This season has reminded me that starting over is complex, sometimes messy, but it also brings growth and connection. Whether it’s learning to find joy in the simplest things, reconnecting with people, or laying the foundation for new habits, I’m realizing that “home” is more than a place. It’s a process of rediscovering who I am and creating a life that aligns with that. And while I’m not where I thought I’d be, I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

DDC

Lesson: In the words of Fantasia Barrino’s brother from her short lived time in reality tv, “It feels so good to be home, shorty!” 

Question: What’s your go-to move for staying connected without looking like you’re desperately craving human interaction …even though you definitely are?

PS. I went to Alexander’s Market to my buy my mom’s wine. It costs $18.99!! She got money!!! Two bottles are not in my budget, so I bought one bottle. I will get bottle #2 next week and I will no longer drink her 5% ALC wine anymore.

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Adjusting

I’ve been in Louisiana for 70 days now, and I’m just about settled into my space. I have one moving box left to unpack—shoes. It’s amazing how many shoes I have, considering I wear the same pink flip-flops on a regular basis.

I know to clean the guest bathroom every Friday and take the trash out on Tuesday evenings.

I’ve got a couple of churches on my radar and have selected a local Toastmasters club to join.

I know of two taco spots with great deals. Mi Padres has a Taco Tuesday special: three tacos and a margarita for $15.

I started working as a bartender at a daiquiri shop three miles away and had an interview with PJ’s Coffee today, which went well.

Mom and I have developed a good rhythm. I enjoy quality time with my mom and Mason. We saw Inside Out 2 together. Great movie. I’ve made a few connections with old friends.

I was introduced to a very nice cigar bar in town. Good vibes. Great music. Perhaps I enjoyed the venue more because of who I was with than because of the venue itself. Perhaps.

How long does it take to start over? I am starting over in my forties. I have the opportunity to choose my identity. I am trying to figure it out as I go.

Lesson: It is starting to feel like home.

Question: Daiquiris or coffee?

DDC

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Career, Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Future State of the Union

July 1 – September 29

Spiritual

◦ Find a Louisiana church home.

◦ Become an active member of church. Attend Bible study. Ministry participation.

◦ Watch at least one online sermon 2x weekly.

Relationships

◦ Active daughter, sister, mother, friend, niece and cousin.

Wellness

◦ 21 Day Fix.

◦ 80/20 eating plan. 80% paleo. 20% Wtf.

◦ Current weight 246 lbs. Goal is to weigh less.

◦ Stop eating at 9p nightly.

Personal Growth

◦ Complete HubSpot free Digital Marketing Courses.

◦ Active participation in WBC Toastmasters.

◦ Morning/ evening routines daily.

◦ Listen to “No Excuses” and take notes.

Creativity

◦ Post to DDCandthecity weekly. Thursdays at 10a.

◦ Post YouTube weekly reviews on Wednesdays at 8p.

◦ Research cucumber and tomato container gardening.

Home

◦ Purged and organized bathroom, closet, and bookcase.

◦ Stick to bathroom cleaning routine. Friday mornings.

Career

◦ Get hired.

◦ Complete Google Project Management Certification.

Finances

◦ Save a starter emergency fund.

◦ Earn $$ daily w/ Lyft.

Someday, Maybe

◦ Certified Associate Project Management study prep

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Reset

I absolutely love a reset. Yearly reset. Monthly reset. Weekly reset. Daily reset. A reset is a chance to start over. A reset is the opportunity of a new beginning. 

“In the canvas of life, a new beginning is the brushstroke that paints the beauty of possibility. It’s not just a chance to start over; it’s an opportunity to craft a masterpiece, a chance to get it right, and an embrace of the endless potential that unfolds with every fresh start.”

I love to watch YouTube videos of people conducting their own resets. My favorite YouTuber MuchelleB is famous (to me) for the reset. She walks us through her resets with her Australian accent and I am always engrossed. So intrigued that I have rewatched her videos from 3-4 years ago with patience. It’s amusing to watch her older resets as she is using platforms that I am unfamiliar with. Have you ever heard of Things 3? 

Every new year I make a list of lofty goals in several areas of my life that I dream to achieve during the year. I would spend weeks creating elaborate vision boards of my dreams for a successful year. Then I would not refer to that vision board until the next year to create the new vision. 

This year is different. Totally different. In my Tamar Braxton voice. This year I am reviewing my annual goals on a weekly basis. Making plans for that week to progress towards the vision. 

“A goal without a plan is just a wish, a dream waiting for the blueprint of action to bring it to life.”

How did I plan to achieve the beautiful elaborate vision board without a plan? Hence, the weekly reset. On a weekly basis I review the goals for the year and plan what needs to happen that week in order to achieve the bigger picture. This year I am using the tools I have learned from watching countless YouTube videos on how to achieve the desires of my heart. 

DDC

Lesson: A reset is a weekly must. 

Question: How do you prepare for a new week? A new month? A new year? 

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Career, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Rejection

I didn’t get the job. After three interviews and a drive to New Orleans, I received an email stating, “I’m sorry that this one didn’t work out – it was a really tough decision but we enjoyed speaking with you and appreciate all the time you took to meet with us.”

I appreciate the semi-personalized rejection email over a generic computer generated email. However, what I really would have appreciated is a detailed explanation of why they decided not to move forward. Did I not have enough experience? Were my salary expectations out of range? Did the HR Director notice my disturbed facial expression when she said she believes HR should be 100% onsite? I’ll never know the true reason. Organizations are terrified of litigation they rarely give the real reason you didn’t get the offer.

Rejection, whether it is from a potential career opportunity or from the cute guy across the bar at brunch . . . hurts.

To be honest, I did not want that job. Needed? Yes! Insurance isn’t free. Wanted? No!! It was in recruiting and the job posting emphasized, must love recruiting. I do not love recruiting. I tolerate recruiting for the greater good. Insurance! I do not love being 100% onsite. I do not love certain aspects of the role including the need to actively source and pipeline passive candidates.

Hmmm. Maybe the role wasn’t for me. Maybe God told them to pick somebody else to do it. . . Maybe rejection was for my good.

XOXO

Lesson: I am down … but I am not out.

Question: How do you handle rejection?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Retrospective

I am in the process of a career pivot. I’ve been in talent acquisition for 10+ years and have lost the love I initially had. I am interested in transitioning to project management. I attended a project management professional exam preparation class two weeks back. A wonderful experience. I enjoy being a student. The instructor was a very knowledgeable Black woman who was unusually enamored with the Olympics named Jackie O. Every example went back to an element of the Olympics in a project management context. The real life examples made the difficult curriculum significantly easier to digest.

She introduced the concept of a retrospective early on. A retrospective provides a structured opportunity for groups to discuss successes, challenges, and areas for development in order to make informed decisions and adjustments going forward.

Ever interact with someone and immediately recognize they have a different approach to dating? I had a first date recently. Drinks. He chose the location. Hayride Scandal in Baton Rouge. I appreciate effort being exhibited in the initial stages. There’s something about a guy planning the date that is a real turn on.

The atmosphere of the venue was a definite vibe. Mood lighting. Bartender was a mixologist. Drinks were made with style and precision. Our conversation was a mixture of engaging and hilarious. A man who makes me laugh is a definite short cut to get into my heart. He knew the cheat code early on.

The next day he asked what were my thoughts on the date. Initially, I was so taken back by the question I had no idea how to answer. The question was a very new experience for me. He asked what went well and what would I have changed about the date. Wait, is this a date retrospective? The combination of the pretty amazing first date with his desire to confirm I also thought the date was indeed amazing has my interest in him solidified.

Cheers to new beginnings!

XOXO

Lesson: He has demonstrated his ability to have intimate conversation and it’s only been a week. In our short time together, I can already see his ability to positively contribute to Chapter Two. With his encouragement, I downloaded Duolingo and started learning a new language. 7 day streak. I have also downloaded Vocabulary, a word a day app to enhance my lexicon. He uses words like ostentatious and amalgamation in casual.

Question: What green flags do you look for in the early dating stages?

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Love Life

Point of No Return

We used to play around singing Loveeeee in Future’s voice. It was fun and funny. Playful energy. Giggles. Now, I listen to Rihanna’s verse and it hits differently. Art imitates life.

You started being stingy with your time. Wondering if I am on your mind. I wanted to be in your possession. I wanted to be the one you want. You didn’t want me. You can’t want me.

I’m glad you made your choice known. If I had meant anything to you, then you could have expressed your choice with words. Feelings change. It’s perfectly okay. Use your words. Instead you chose silence. The coward’s choice.

Your representative was outgoing. A concert go-er. A candle maker. A tent builder. A person who enjoyed quality time. He was generous. Thoughtful. Considerate of my physical limitations. He held me tight while we slept. He gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. He fit perfectly inside of me. He noticed the little things. Your representative made me feel content.

You are not your representative. Thank you for showing up as the coward you are before it all became too deep. Your representative and I had a beautiful moment. You and I have nothing.

XOXO

Lesson: You crossed the line. The point of no return.

Question: What is your favorite song from Future or Rihanna?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Lessons

Trust my intuition. I started to see changes in his behavior about two months ago. Our time together went from 5-6 days to once a week. I knew it then. He said it was work. My heart told me it wasn’t.

Ask more questions. There were a lot of unknowns about him. He didn’t volunteer details. I didn’t ask follow up questions.

I am changing. In the past, I would have given this my energy. In Chapter Two I know I am the prize!

I am secure in the fact that our demise had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My self love journey just collected a trophy.

XOXO

Question: What did you learn from your last relationship?

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