Tag Archives: Dating

Chapter 2, Love Life

Am I the Problem?

Lately, I’ve been on a rollercoaster with Facebook Dating. It’s been a cycle of joining, swiping, chatting, and leaving—only to come back and try again. A few meet-and-greets have come from it, and while some were genuinely pleasant, none have led to the connection I’m looking for. Either the spark wasn’t there for me, or it wasn’t reciprocated.  

I’ve met some nice people, but I’ve also found myself matching with individuals I wasn’t initially attracted to. I told myself it was about being open-minded, giving people a chance to grow on me, and stepping out of my comfort zone. But time and again, those efforts have proven unsuccessful. Attraction, as it turns out, can’t be forced—and neither can chemistry.  

Here’s the thing: I know I’m the prize. I know my worth, my value, and all the amazing things I bring to the table. So why is it so hard for me to truly live in that truth? Why do I keep finding myself settling for less than I deserve, hoping that somehow the situation will rise to meet me?  

The hard truth is, I’m the common denominator in all these experiences. It’s not easy to admit, but if I keep falling into the same patterns, I have to ask myself: Am I the problem? Am I the one blocking my own blessings by settling, doubting, or compromising on what I truly want and need?  

Recognizing this isn’t about self-blame; it’s about self-awareness. It’s about understanding that I can’t expect to find a deep, meaningful connection if I’m not fully aligned with what I deserve and willing to hold out for it.  

The truth is, being the prize means more than just knowing it—it means living it. It means refusing to settle, trusting the process, and having faith that the right connection will come when it’s meant to. It means being patient with myself, being okay with being single for a little longer, and focusing on my own growth and happiness.  

So no, I don’t think I’m “the problem” in the traditional sense. But I do think I have work to do. Work to ensure that my actions align with my self-worth. Work to break free from patterns of settling. Work to remember that I am worthy of a love that’s reciprocal, passionate, and authentic.  

DDC

Lesson: Yes. I may be the problem, but I’m also the prize—and it’s time I start living like it.  

Question: Are you the problem? 

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Adjusting

I’ve been in Louisiana for 70 days now, and I’m just about settled into my space. I have one moving box left to unpack—shoes. It’s amazing how many shoes I have, considering I wear the same pink flip-flops on a regular basis.

I know to clean the guest bathroom every Friday and take the trash out on Tuesday evenings.

I’ve got a couple of churches on my radar and have selected a local Toastmasters club to join.

I know of two taco spots with great deals. Mi Padres has a Taco Tuesday special: three tacos and a margarita for $15.

I started working as a bartender at a daiquiri shop three miles away and had an interview with PJ’s Coffee today, which went well.

Mom and I have developed a good rhythm. I enjoy quality time with my mom and Mason. We saw Inside Out 2 together. Great movie. I’ve made a few connections with old friends.

I was introduced to a very nice cigar bar in town. Good vibes. Great music. Perhaps I enjoyed the venue more because of who I was with than because of the venue itself. Perhaps.

How long does it take to start over? I am starting over in my forties. I have the opportunity to choose my identity. I am trying to figure it out as I go.

Lesson: It is starting to feel like home.

Question: Daiquiris or coffee?

DDC

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Chapter 2

IRL

I miss being held at night. It felt like home. I miss his consideration. He could be very thoughtful. I miss end of the day conversations. I miss feeling appreciated while preparing Hello Fresh. I miss someone else cleaning up afterwards. I miss having a handyman. I miss being in a couple. I miss having someone to do life with. I miss being an “us.”

What am I doing about it? I joined Hinge, an online dating site, a couple weeks ago. Potential matches are fewer than Tinder but more than Coffee Meets Bagel. Hinge advertises they are designed for you to get off the app with a match. I’d honestly rather meet someone in real life. IRL. Does that happen anymore? Why does dating have to be so complicated?

I’m ready for a life partner.

At least I’m ready to try.

XOXO

Lesson: I’m accepting life partner applications.

Question: Who do you know?

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Chapter 2, Daddy, Love Life

A Taste of Coffee

Coffee reached out after my Daddy’s memorial expressing his concern and offering his support. He has always been a thoughtful man. When he said, “if there’s anything that I can do to help support you, then let me know,” I’ve been offered support in the past, but I never know what I needed. I immediately knew what I needed when Coffee offered.

That night, I longed for friendly banter, companionship, and the comfort of being held. It reminded me of a line from “Waiting to Exhale” where Angela Bassett’s character, separated from her husband, admits, “I’m not like you, Gloria. I need to be held, even if it is a damn lie.” But what if it wasn’t a lie?

I eagerly awaited Coffee’s arrival, glancing through the peephole after he called from the parking lot. When he stood at my door, I sensed him collecting himself, preparing to interact with me, his ex. Encounters like these can be unpredictable. Our last phone conversation wasn’t pleasant, though not heated, just uncomfortable. Endings often carry that weight, but it wasn’t what I desired for us.

Coffee looked great, wearing a crisp white short-sleeve button-up and khaki cargo shorts, exuding a casual and classic vibe. We engaged in casual banter, catching up like old friends. He noticed that I had rearranged my furniture, making my apartment appear larger—a realization of the cute studio apartment I had always dreamed of. Chapter Two.

Have you ever experienced the realization you are living at least one of your dreams?

Coffee and I lay on top of the comforter, watching “Funny People” on Netflix. I chose the movie, as I adore Adam Sandler, and Seth Rogen’s humor always brings me joy. I needed a good laugh.

That night, Coffee held me close, and I reveled in being the little spoon. It felt incredibly comforting and pleasurable, as if the past had evaporated. It was as if he hadn’t ghosted me, as if he genuinely wanted to be with me, as if we were both at home in Chapter Two.

XOXO

Lesson: I had a taste for some Coffee this week.

Question: What’s your favorite Adam Sandler movie?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Retrospective

I am in the process of a career pivot. I’ve been in talent acquisition for 10+ years and have lost the love I initially had. I am interested in transitioning to project management. I attended a project management professional exam preparation class two weeks back. A wonderful experience. I enjoy being a student. The instructor was a very knowledgeable Black woman who was unusually enamored with the Olympics named Jackie O. Every example went back to an element of the Olympics in a project management context. The real life examples made the difficult curriculum significantly easier to digest.

She introduced the concept of a retrospective early on. A retrospective provides a structured opportunity for groups to discuss successes, challenges, and areas for development in order to make informed decisions and adjustments going forward.

Ever interact with someone and immediately recognize they have a different approach to dating? I had a first date recently. Drinks. He chose the location. Hayride Scandal in Baton Rouge. I appreciate effort being exhibited in the initial stages. There’s something about a guy planning the date that is a real turn on.

The atmosphere of the venue was a definite vibe. Mood lighting. Bartender was a mixologist. Drinks were made with style and precision. Our conversation was a mixture of engaging and hilarious. A man who makes me laugh is a definite short cut to get into my heart. He knew the cheat code early on.

The next day he asked what were my thoughts on the date. Initially, I was so taken back by the question I had no idea how to answer. The question was a very new experience for me. He asked what went well and what would I have changed about the date. Wait, is this a date retrospective? The combination of the pretty amazing first date with his desire to confirm I also thought the date was indeed amazing has my interest in him solidified.

Cheers to new beginnings!

XOXO

Lesson: He has demonstrated his ability to have intimate conversation and it’s only been a week. In our short time together, I can already see his ability to positively contribute to Chapter Two. With his encouragement, I downloaded Duolingo and started learning a new language. 7 day streak. I have also downloaded Vocabulary, a word a day app to enhance my lexicon. He uses words like ostentatious and amalgamation in casual.

Question: What green flags do you look for in the early dating stages?

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Love Life

Point of No Return

We used to play around singing Loveeeee in Future’s voice. It was fun and funny. Playful energy. Giggles. Now, I listen to Rihanna’s verse and it hits differently. Art imitates life.

You started being stingy with your time. Wondering if I am on your mind. I wanted to be in your possession. I wanted to be the one you want. You didn’t want me. You can’t want me.

I’m glad you made your choice known. If I had meant anything to you, then you could have expressed your choice with words. Feelings change. It’s perfectly okay. Use your words. Instead you chose silence. The coward’s choice.

Your representative was outgoing. A concert go-er. A candle maker. A tent builder. A person who enjoyed quality time. He was generous. Thoughtful. Considerate of my physical limitations. He held me tight while we slept. He gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. He fit perfectly inside of me. He noticed the little things. Your representative made me feel content.

You are not your representative. Thank you for showing up as the coward you are before it all became too deep. Your representative and I had a beautiful moment. You and I have nothing.

XOXO

Lesson: You crossed the line. The point of no return.

Question: What is your favorite song from Future or Rihanna?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Lessons

Trust my intuition. I started to see changes in his behavior about two months ago. Our time together went from 5-6 days to once a week. I knew it then. He said it was work. My heart told me it wasn’t.

Ask more questions. There were a lot of unknowns about him. He didn’t volunteer details. I didn’t ask follow up questions.

I am changing. In the past, I would have given this my energy. In Chapter Two I know I am the prize!

I am secure in the fact that our demise had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My self love journey just collected a trophy.

XOXO

Question: What did you learn from your last relationship?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Farewell

I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.

Coffee. It was a beautiful moment in time.

XOXO

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Where to?

Camping? Who? Me!

I went camping. Not glamping. Let’s be clear. Real CAMPING. I am talking tents, sleeping bags, cast iron skillets and s’mores. I have come to the realization that I am in love with the outdoors minus mosquitoes.

Friday after work Coffee (my boo from Coffee Meets Bagel) and I loaded up the trunk, met up with two couples and then we caravanned to Lake Texoma, Oklahoma. Coffee drove. I slept the entire way. He’s a speed racer. Not sure what was the reason for the rush. It was best that I close my eyes. Lately, I have feelings of anxiety when other people are driving me. Which is very interesting considering I am not a great driver myself.

Once we arrived every couple worked together to put their tents up. Coffee and I had a regular tent. I assisted by handing him things. He’s so handy. Smile. The other two couples had matching penthouse tents. Their tents were one bedroom apartments bigger than some studio apartments I’ve seen on YouTube.

Tent Sweet Tent

That evening we sat around with the most deliciously seasoned steaks on the fire thanks to my friend. She and her husband coordinated the weekend. She confirmed I have a plus one a couple weeks ago and then asked if we were interested in a camping adventure. Coffee agreed immediately. Smile. He’s been working very hard this season. A weekend away was perfect timing. We all sat around the fire laughing and talking, listening to mellow music and simply enjoying life. Good people. Good vibes. Great times.

Saturday we had scrambled eggs with a vegetable medley. So delicious. The campsite was a short walk to the most relaxing and beautiful beach. I’m still amazed this was a quick road trip to Oklahoma. Wow. I love water. I laid on the sand near the water’s edge listening to a podcast about the ability to be both classy and ratchet at the same time with the sounds of the waves in the background. Bliss.

Saturday evening we played a conversation starting game I found on Amazon. The questions were a mixture of light and thought provoking questions. We talked about what we learned about marriage from watching our parents. I remember one of the husbands saying how much he admired his father and the way his father expresses love for his mother. It was quite beautiful to hear. Reassuring. Long lasting love exists.

I woke up to wet campgrounds Sunday morning. I slept so hard through what I heard was a rough storm. Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. Coffee kept checking the tent making sure it didn’t leak while I snored. Thankfully, we stayed pretty dry. We got up, broke down the tents, cleaned up our site, packed the trunk once again and headed back to the real world.

I had the most amazing time. I loved seeing Coffee interact in a group setting. He’s more reserved than I am (well honestly everyone is more reserved than me). I was nervous he would sit in the lonely lunch corner while the rest of us enjoyed each other’s company. Fortunately, I had nothing to be nervous about. Coffee was magnificent in every way. I feel like we’re even closer now. It feels good.

XOXO

Lesson: Add an air mattress on the camping essentials list. It takes my body two days to recover after two days of sleeping on the ground.

Question: What did you learn about marriage by watching your parents?

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Mental Health

All is Well

On my drive to Westside Baptist this morning I had an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. All is well with my soul. Listening to slow jams on a station inspired by Shea Butter Baby. I could not think of a negative area in my life. All is well with me.

XOXO

Lesson: Today is a good day

Question: How’s your day?

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