Tag Archives: counseling

About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Beige

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with a strange feeling. I feel like I left my sparkle in DFW. Back then, I shined bright—bold, vibrant, effervescent. I was the type of person who lit up rooms, who carried a certain energy, a certain extra that made me feel alive.

Now? I feel beige. Neutral. Faded. Completely… blah.

It makes me wonder: is this what growing up is supposed to feel like? Trading in sparkle for steadiness, vibrancy for responsibility, joy for a “just get through the day” kind of existence? If it is—then I don’t want to grow up.

Moving, transitioning, and starting over later in life are not small things. Sometimes the sparkle isn’t lost—it’s buried under the weight of change. We juggle work, family, bills, routines, expectations. And slowly, the parts of us that once danced so freely get quiet. They’re still there, just muted.

But here’s the thing I’m starting to realize: sparkle doesn’t expire. It doesn’t vanish when you turn 30, 40, or even 70. It doesn’t disappear when you relocate or reinvent yourself. Sparkle is a state of being, a choice, a return to what lights you up.

Maybe the question isn’t, “Did I lose my sparkle?” Maybe it’s, “Where can I find it again?”

Finding My Sparkle Again

For me, sparkle looks like:

  • Being around people who energize me, not drain me.
  • Doing things that bring me joy simply because they make me smile.
  • Saying yes to experiences that scare me a little but also make me feel alive.
  • Dressing up just because, blasting music in the car, laughing loudly at all times.

In other words—sparkle is about choosing vibrancy in a world that often feels dull.

A Note to Myself (and Maybe to You Too)

Growing up doesn’t have to mean giving up my sparkle. Adulthood doesn’t have to equal beige. Yes, life changes. Yes, I carry more responsibilities. But that doesn’t mean I can’t sparkle again. Maybe the grown-up version of sparkle just looks different: less about wild nights out, more about being fully alive in the little things.

And if I’m really honest, maybe the fact that I even miss my sparkle is proof that it’s still in me somewhere—waiting for me to bring it back to life.

Here’s to sequins in the everyday, laughter in the ordinary, and sparkle— always sparkle— no matter the season.

DDC

Question: Have you ever felt beige? Is “beige” a phase we all go through, or a warning sign that I need to recalibrate? And maybe most importantly—what’s your go-to move when you feel beige? What do you do as your personal “anti-beige” to bring the sparkle back?

Lesson: Growing up doesn’t have to mean dimming down. Adulthood doesn’t have to equal beige. It’s possible to carry responsibility and still keep joy, spontaneity, and vibrancy alive.

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About Me, Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health, Therapy, Where to?

Haphazard

The only man you can prove I’ve been with once called me haphazard.

At the time, I wasn’t clear on the definition, but the word stuck with me. Haphazard. Neither “hap” nor “hazard” sounded like he meant it kindly. The moment has clung to me for over 20 years.

We were at a gas station exchanging something—I can’t remember the reason why. The why has faded. The what, however—what he said—stuck.

Haphazard means something done in a random, disorganized, or careless way—lacking a definite plan, order, or direction.

And the truth is, twenty-year-old DDC was, in fact, haphazard. No plan. A little order. A vague direction.

Fast forward two decades.

While preparing for my son’s college graduation, I realized how many days I’d be away from the office and thought: Maybe I’ll dye my hair hot pink while I’m off. A bold vacation choice. I’d done it before—dyed it pink in January for our family cruise, then went back to “office-approved” before returning to work. I’m not loyal to any one hair color these days, but I absolutely love hot pink.

So I asked my son if he cared.
He said, “I couldn’t care less.”
Cool. He’s calm like that—unbothered by most things.

Then I mentioned it to my mom.
“Hot pink hair is unprofessional,” she said.
I explained I’d return to work with a natural color. I even recalled that during my job interview, I specifically asked my supervisor about hair color. He said he didn’t mind pink hair.

But as the trip approached, I stalled. I never bought the dye.
The night before we left, I realized: I’m not doing it.

And that’s when it hit me.

Haphazard.

He called me that twenty years ago—when it was true. But even now, with a plan, permission, and pink hair history, I still didn’t follow through. Why?

Because some part of me didn’t want to hear his mouth, even if only in my memory. I didn’t want to imagine his face twisted in disapproval.

Why do I care?
I wish I didn’t.
I’m disappointed that I gave energy to a man from my past whose opinion should hold no power today. But here we are. It happened.

DDC

Lesson: Even when we grow, old voices can echo. The challenge is learning to turn the volume down—and let our own voices lead instead.

Question: What old label or comment still lingers in your mind—and how much of your present is it quietly influencing?

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Chapter 2

Reflections from August

1. Mason came to my infusion appointment for the first time.

2. Free burgers from Slutty Vegan w/ Mason. Tasty.

3. I love Oreo. I’m officially a dog Auntie.

4. My neighbor taught my BFF a cool way to squirt pool water.

5. Mason taught me how to skip.

6. My Aunties Mary, Gail, Karen and I sang karaoke and danced around the house. Titanium!

7. Bar Louie meetup w/ Ernest. Time for a hair cut.

8. Got my first tattoo, my Daddy’s birthday.

9. Experienced Rhythm and Bowl at Bowlero on Tuesday nights. Karaoke!

10. Had eggs and rice for breakfast in Louisiana. Delicious.

11. Discovered the neighborhood pool in Gonzales. Relaxation.

12. Edited the program at the daiquiri shop. Bellini.

13. Mason went back to school. Hello, empty nest:)

14. Posted a video of my Mom saying, “What’s that?”

15. My Daddy’s Memorial Service was beautiful. Closure.

16. My tribe showed up and out. Loved.

17. After Memorial karaoke with SuperRay at 24 hr karaoke bar. Fun.

18. Face to face counseling session w/ Hope. Release.

19. Coffee held me. Ahh.

20. Spent quality time with BFF. Understanding.

21. Mom gave words of affirmation several times. Love language.

22. Reconnected with Lalle Berry.

23. Gooden sent beautiful flowers.

24. Portable hookah from Amazon. Third time is the charm.

XOXO

Lesson: August had lots of highlights.

Question: Have you completed a monthly reset?

Monthly Reset Instructions:

Start by reflecting over the previous month. What were your highlights? Then set goals and intentions for the new month. What would you like to accomplish? How will you develop your mind? How are you going to challenge yourself this month?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Farewell

I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.

Coffee. It was a beautiful moment in time.

XOXO

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Personal Finances

What’s the discount?

I calculated my total consumer debt this evening. It’s an auto loan, a personal loan, two credit cards and taxes. The number is so high I am not comfortable admitting it yet. Furthermore, that uncomfortable number plus my student loans is extremely uncomfortable. I need Biden to come through with some aid relief. I wish it called all be erased

I’m ashamed to be in this predicament. I’m ashamed that I’ve made a decent amount of money over my working life and I literally have nothing to show for it. No significant amount of savings considering all that I’ve received. It’s a damn shame. I can’t even tell you where the money went. I’m guessing travel, food, debt and my spectacular mirror that I call Dandelion. I’m fortunate enough to where I can start tackling this debt with my full time job if I stick to a strict budget.

So that’s the plan moving forward. I’m going to tackle this massive debt smallest to largest using the debt snowball method promoted by Dave Ramsey. I’m going to increase my income with a part time gig and a new side hustle.

I’ve got an interview with Ulta to be a Beauty Advisor. I’m pretty excited. What do you wear to an interview for a part time gig at Ulta?

The manager called today to invite me to interview. I made sure to clarify that my hair is currently neon pink. She said, “that’s fine!” Not actually sure why I felt the need to say anything in the first place. Probably an issue that I could bring up in counseling.

XOXO

Lesson: I can do hard things.

Question: Seriously, what should I wear to interview?

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Mental Health

All is Well

On my drive to Westside Baptist this morning I had an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. All is well with my soul. Listening to slow jams on a station inspired by Shea Butter Baby. I could not think of a negative area in my life. All is well with me.

XOXO

Lesson: Today is a good day

Question: How’s your day?

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health

Red Flag(s)

How many red flags before you are out? Is it like baseball? Three strikes and you are out. Or . . . is it one red flag and then game is over?

Damn. It’s 1. Is it ONE!!!!!!!

Why do I give Stop Sign(s) a second chance? Well, actually I give five chances. Today was the fifth red flag! WTF!

I need to sit with this.

XOXO

Lesson: Expect more, give less.

Question: When is my next therapy session?

Note: Read the blog post entitled, “Stop Sign.”

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Balance

What are your thoughts on meditation? I used to think it was just a gimmick. It was silent breathing, sitting cross cross applesauce and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Shout out to Tina Turner and Angela Basset. Meditation was for people who were holistic, who use the word “chakra” and buy natural deodorants from Sprouts. That is not me. However, recently I started practicing meditation as a part of my morning routine and I can testify that meditation is a beneficial practice.

For the last 21 days I have been practicing morning meditations. Sometimes twice in a day using the Balance app. I like a mid day reset to conquer my afternoons. I feel mental clarity, increased relaxation and focus because of meditation. The ability to focus on the task at hand has been amazing. I am typically very easily distracted by shiny objects. My BFF calls me Squirrel. SQUIRREL!

I have tried to meditate several times in the past. I could not stop my mind from wondering to other random thoughts. I’d think about to do lists and what groceries I needed to restock. I would give up after 2-3 days. What a difference timing and motivation makes. Now I crave meditation. A mid day reset does the trick to get a renewed dose of focus for the second half of the workday. My new clarity has encouraged the desire to learn more about all of the benefits of meditation. Did you know that meditation can increase imagination and creativity?

The Balance app is great for meditation beginners. The app asks questions daily about my experience with meditation and uses the answers to tailor the days guided meditation. There are two choices for meditation coaches. I chose the Black male. His voice is calm and familiar. The app also has meditation plans designed for your specific need at the time I.e. relieve stress, find focus, ease loneliness, facing fear, and pain relief. I will be sure to practice the meditation that eases loneliness when neccessary.

XOXO

Lesson: Download the Balance app.

Question: What does meditation do for you?

Note: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a Buddhist chant the enables chanters to embrace the entirety of the text and uncover their Buddhanature. It actually has nothing to do with meditation.

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Love Life

Weird

I have grown up with the understanding that I move differently than most. Some call it a free spirit. Some call it haphazard. The label you use doesn’t matter much to me. It is the sentiment that I admire. I am not your average woman. Recently, someone called me weird, but I believe the intent was to be hurtful this time.

I have been living by a daily cleaning schedule. Wednesdays is bedroom cleaning day, I am about to put my bedding in the wash when I take a break from this post. I pick out the drinks in my refrigerator from left to right. I expect visitors to do the same. Let me see, what else. I cannot have the sound from the tv on while I am working, but I can listen to music loudly and work and still am able to work productively. My very large mirror has a name, Dandelion and is my prized possession. I occasionally talk to my mirror. Just a comment here and there, never an entire conversation. But that is probably because a mirror cannot talk back. I have a particular way to make my bed in the morning. There is a designated order to the way the pillows are positioned. I go to bed watching the same Netflix show every single night for the last 3-4 years. I do not watch reality tv. It actually irks my nerves to even hear realty tv on my television. I have a special spot where I sit on the sofa. I politely ask guests to switch seats with me if they get to my seat first.

I received a text message stating that I am, “too weird.” Hmmm. Weird. Weird? I am definitely a different kind of a person. But am I weird?

Let me know what you think.

XOXO

Lesson: What someone else thinks about me is irrelevant to me.

Question: Do you think he meant “weird” as an insult?

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About Me, Love Life

Romantic? Or desperate?

There are no fairytales in real life.

I met a guy and instantly imagined I was with my new boo thang. I envisioned us cuddling on the sofa watching Sunday football for the rest of the day. I would be on the couch watching him fold his laundry and complete other Sunday chores. I would offer to assist periodically and he would decline and tell me to, “just relax.”

Get these from Whole Foods. You will not be disappointed!

As you may have gathered I’m currently sitting in my corner spot on the sofa, snacking on plant based cookies that I promise taste like Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies writing this post. No chores were done together.

I had imagined this amazing future with a stranger. We barely even communicated at brunch. The only thing I know about this man is his address. Why would I have attached this magical connection to him in the first place?!? Something has to be seriously wrong with me in regards to men if I seriously thought that I would ever hear from him again.

I need Hope right now. I need hope too! This man gave absolutely no indication that he was even mildly interested in me. He really didn’t. I threw myself at him at, “hello.”

I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I feel confused. What is it about me that consistently chooses the wrong guy? Consistently! The absolute only thing they want from me is it. But now it makes me recognize what all of the guys in the past have had in common. . . me. It’s me.

I lead with it. If they lead with it, then cool too. But it isn’t all that I want. I truly want a fairytale. I want to have this awesome meet cute with a guy near the oranges counter at Target. We banter. We finish our grocery shopping together. We go to the Starbucks area and talk until his ice cream melts then we walk off into sunset. Where would I even get that from? No one in my life is living this fairytale that I dream about. Why would I even think it existed? Something needs to be fixed with my thought processes. My imagination runs in the wrong direction.

XOXO

Lesson: Real life is not a fairytale.

Question: Why do you think I have this fairytale? For real. I’d like to know some thoughts. DM me on Instagram @ddcandthecity

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