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About Me, Chapter 2, Where to?

My Kitchen

I was ingredient prepping this weekend—chopping sweet bell peppers, steaming spinach, blending eggs with cottage cheese—when an uninvited guest made an appearance. A fly started buzzing around my ingredients. Instinctively, I yelled, “Get out of my kitchen!”

That’s when it hit me.

I yelled at a fly to get out of my kitchen.

This wasn’t just any moment. This was Friday, May 16th—the one-year mark of my move back to Louisiana after nearly two decades in Dallas.

One year ago, when I returned home, I was riding a rollercoaster of emotions—hopeful, yet often deeply sad. Starting over in your 40s isn’t as simple as packing a U-Haul and driving across state lines. It’s raw. It’s humbling. It’s layered.

And the kitchen? The kitchen was my mom’s. Her space. Her rhythm. Her routines.

Sure, I scrambled eggs most mornings, but for the longest time, I had no desire to truly cook. I had spent 19 years cooking dinner almost daily for my son and me. But when I got here, something changed. I was in survival mode. I didn’t want to try new recipes or meal prep or bake for the joy of it. I tiptoed in and out of the kitchen like a respectful guest. It wasn’t mine.

But on this ordinary Friday, 365 days later, while speaking to a fly, I unknowingly claimed ownership of a space that once felt foreign.

“My kitchen.”

And when I realized what I had said, I shed a tear.

A single, grateful tear.

Because in that small moment, I realized something big:


I am home.

—DDC 🩷

Question: What’s one unexpected moment that made you realize you were exactly where you were meant to be?

Lesson: Home doesn’t always feel like home at first. Sometimes it takes time, healing, and even yelling at a fly. It feels good to be home. 

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Chapter 2, Mental Health, Where to?

Adjusting

I’ve been in Louisiana for 70 days now, and I’m just about settled into my space. I have one moving box left to unpack—shoes. It’s amazing how many shoes I have, considering I wear the same pink flip-flops on a regular basis.

I know to clean the guest bathroom every Friday and take the trash out on Tuesday evenings.

I’ve got a couple of churches on my radar and have selected a local Toastmasters club to join.

I know of two taco spots with great deals. Mi Padres has a Taco Tuesday special: three tacos and a margarita for $15.

I started working as a bartender at a daiquiri shop three miles away and had an interview with PJ’s Coffee today, which went well.

Mom and I have developed a good rhythm. I enjoy quality time with my mom and Mason. We saw Inside Out 2 together. Great movie. I’ve made a few connections with old friends.

I was introduced to a very nice cigar bar in town. Good vibes. Great music. Perhaps I enjoyed the venue more because of who I was with than because of the venue itself. Perhaps.

How long does it take to start over? I am starting over in my forties. I have the opportunity to choose my identity. I am trying to figure it out as I go.

Lesson: It is starting to feel like home.

Question: Daiquiris or coffee?

DDC

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Chapter 2

IRL

I miss being held at night. It felt like home. I miss his consideration. He could be very thoughtful. I miss end of the day conversations. I miss feeling appreciated while preparing Hello Fresh. I miss someone else cleaning up afterwards. I miss having a handyman. I miss being in a couple. I miss having someone to do life with. I miss being an “us.”

What am I doing about it? I joined Hinge, an online dating site, a couple weeks ago. Potential matches are fewer than Tinder but more than Coffee Meets Bagel. Hinge advertises they are designed for you to get off the app with a match. I’d honestly rather meet someone in real life. IRL. Does that happen anymore? Why does dating have to be so complicated?

I’m ready for a life partner.

At least I’m ready to try.

XOXO

Lesson: I’m accepting life partner applications.

Question: Who do you know?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Farewell

I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.

Coffee. It was a beautiful moment in time.

XOXO

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Chapter 2, Where to?

Last Day

Friday, I received an email from my boss saying to close all requisitions. Wait, what? As a recruiter, requisitions are my lifeline to production. Without requisitions I essentially do not have any work to do. Immediately I knew. In 30 minutes I was heading to run my errands to prepare for my weekend couples camping trip. I refused to let this email affect my mindset over the weekend. I closed the laptop and said, “I’ll worry about this on Monday.”

I received an email instructing my team there were a few requisitions that we could open up based on business need on Monday. Cool. I have work. I went from 15+ skill sets to hire down to 2. Hmmm, is that enough?

Wednesday at 8:23pm I received a calendar invite for Thursday. The meeting was scheduled for 12:30pm entitled “Talent/ Business Communications” from my boss’s boss’s boss. This is it. I knew immediately. I am being laid off.

I started my Thursday listening to “God Provides” by Tamela Mann. Took a relaxing walk at Katy Trail. I’m leaning in on my love of the outdoors these days. I talked to other colleagues who received the same invitation and got the scoop on what to expect. Leading up to the call I researched the questions I needed to ask when being laid off. I was ready. The managing director of talent and a human resources professional were both on the line. Here we go. The director delivered the message with such sincerity. Made the words hurt a little less. Business conditions. Salary continuation. Eligible for rehire. It was a lot of information in a very quick call but there would be an email to follow up. My time at D ended Friday at noon. Numb.

God Provides

I am currently receiving messages on LinkedIn stating, “congratulations on your work anniversary.” I started May 24, 2021. Ending in May 19, 2023. A few days short of 2 whole years.

Each message is like a punch in the gut.

XOXO

Lesson: Ready for my next opportunity.

Question: Got any leads?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Errands

I ran an errand today.

Last week I did a little impulse spending. Was it retail therapy? Hmmm? No. Well, maybe. Boredom also played a factor. I bought a desk. For Chapter Two. A gray glass desk from Target. I was scrolling the furniture section and found the cutest gray glass desk for $80. Original price was $232.99. It was on sale. I had to get it immediately.

I am moving into my new apartment next week and I had an impulse that I wanted a gray aesthetic and needed a new gray glass L shaped desk to go in the corner near the window. L shaped desks are boss to me. Girl boss. I bet Michelle Obama has a L shaped desk with a view of her garden.

Today’s impulse was that I would stick to go my tried and true colors. Black and white with pink as the accent color. Guess what! My current desk is black. A sleek black desk that also says girl boss.

After I finished my work day I ran an errand to Target and returned the gray glass desk. . . with Coffee.

XOXO

Lesson: Coffee makes a simple errand an adventure.

Question: Should I have kept the gray glass desk?

Prerequisite: Read my post entitled “A New Subscriber.” “An Errand” will hit differently.

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About Me, Love Life, Mental Health

California King Bed

There was a time when I would spend entire weekends in the bed. Of course, I would get up to use the restroom and get something to eat. I would just get back into bed. I would rarely answer the phone. I would occasionally respond to text. I set the thermostat on the coldest temperature, restarted Grace and Frankie from season 1 episode 1 over and over and then get comfortable in bed ready to sleep the day away.

It did not dawn on me that my sleeping was a faint cry for help. If I did not have any obligations to go anywhere, then I would be in the bed. Was I depressed? The thought often crossed my mind. But if I was depressed then why wasn’t I also in bed during the week I wondered? I convinced myself that it wasn’t depression.

In hindsight, I believe it was a case of high functioning depression. My last relationship had ended. . . very badly. I thought he was my future Mr. I was entirely wrong about him and his intentions. I was sad and extremely lonely. The break up felt like a punch in the gut. Ouch! I didn’t want to show up for myself on the weekends. There was no cleaning routine. My place consistently looked like Hurricane DDC had ransacked everything. There was no desire to workout. There wasn’t a relationship with the Lord. I was grieving. I didn’t know it then, but I can clearly identify it now.

This was several years ago now. I was up this morning pulling the sheets off of my bed getting ready to wash (Wednesday is the day to clean my bedroom) and the thought crossed my mind of how I used to spend entire weekends in this bed. Thankfully, I am pass that phase of life. I function. I clean. I pray. I meditate. Occasionally I work out too. I do not want to go back to that place. I will not go back.

XOXO

Lesson: You never know the battles that people are fighting daily.

Question: Do you notice when the life of the party stops living?

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health

Red Flag(s)

How many red flags before you are out? Is it like baseball? Three strikes and you are out. Or . . . is it one red flag and then game is over?

Damn. It’s 1. Is it ONE!!!!!!!

Why do I give Stop Sign(s) a second chance? Well, actually I give five chances. Today was the fifth red flag! WTF!

I need to sit with this.

XOXO

Lesson: Expect more, give less.

Question: When is my next therapy session?

Note: Read the blog post entitled, “Stop Sign.”

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Balance

What are your thoughts on meditation? I used to think it was just a gimmick. It was silent breathing, sitting cross cross applesauce and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Shout out to Tina Turner and Angela Basset. Meditation was for people who were holistic, who use the word “chakra” and buy natural deodorants from Sprouts. That is not me. However, recently I started practicing meditation as a part of my morning routine and I can testify that meditation is a beneficial practice.

For the last 21 days I have been practicing morning meditations. Sometimes twice in a day using the Balance app. I like a mid day reset to conquer my afternoons. I feel mental clarity, increased relaxation and focus because of meditation. The ability to focus on the task at hand has been amazing. I am typically very easily distracted by shiny objects. My BFF calls me Squirrel. SQUIRREL!

I have tried to meditate several times in the past. I could not stop my mind from wondering to other random thoughts. I’d think about to do lists and what groceries I needed to restock. I would give up after 2-3 days. What a difference timing and motivation makes. Now I crave meditation. A mid day reset does the trick to get a renewed dose of focus for the second half of the workday. My new clarity has encouraged the desire to learn more about all of the benefits of meditation. Did you know that meditation can increase imagination and creativity?

The Balance app is great for meditation beginners. The app asks questions daily about my experience with meditation and uses the answers to tailor the days guided meditation. There are two choices for meditation coaches. I chose the Black male. His voice is calm and familiar. The app also has meditation plans designed for your specific need at the time I.e. relieve stress, find focus, ease loneliness, facing fear, and pain relief. I will be sure to practice the meditation that eases loneliness when neccessary.

XOXO

Lesson: Download the Balance app.

Question: What does meditation do for you?

Note: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a Buddhist chant the enables chanters to embrace the entirety of the text and uncover their Buddhanature. It actually has nothing to do with meditation.

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About Me, Chapter 2, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health

Mittens

My dating life has been filled with heartbreak and disappointment. The trails that I have endured have lead me to ask God, “what are You trying to teach me?” What am I to learn from these trials? I am obviously not getting it. Whatever IT is. There has to be a reason for this heartbreak to keep coming one after another. What is it, God? Can You make the lesson clear to me?!? I must be doing something wrong to not have experienced the love that I long for. Does this mean I need to stop trying? Should I get a cat or two and settle into being a fine ass auntie (with no niece or nephew)?

Ironically, I do want a cat. I want to have something to talk to in my empty nest. I have been wanting one for a few years now. The stigma around single women and cats is the major reason I do not have a cat. Hmmm. On some level, I care about what other people think about me. I know I am not supposed to care, but I actually do. I don’t want to meet a guy and he shame me for having a cat. I do not want to have to pay for the boarding of a cat when I travel. My parent’s would never allow the cat in their home. My mom already told me that I would have to leave my cat in the garage when I came home.

I am going to put some thought into what I will do with the cat when I travel.

XOXO

Lesson: I do not know the lesson today.

Question: What is God trying to tell me?

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