Tag Archives: African american

Chapter 2, Love Life

Errands

I ran an errand today.

Last week I did a little impulse spending. Was it retail therapy? Hmmm? No. Well, maybe. Boredom also played a factor. I bought a desk. For Chapter Two. A gray glass desk from Target. I was scrolling the furniture section and found the cutest gray glass desk for $80. Original price was $232.99. It was on sale. I had to get it immediately.

I am moving into my new apartment next week and I had an impulse that I wanted a gray aesthetic and needed a new gray glass L shaped desk to go in the corner near the window. L shaped desks are boss to me. Girl boss. I bet Michelle Obama has a L shaped desk with a view of her garden.

Today’s impulse was that I would stick to go my tried and true colors. Black and white with pink as the accent color. Guess what! My current desk is black. A sleek black desk that also says girl boss.

After I finished my work day I ran an errand to Target and returned the gray glass desk. . . with Coffee.

XOXO

Lesson: Coffee makes a simple errand an adventure.

Question: Should I have kept the gray glass desk?

Prerequisite: Read my post entitled “A New Subscriber.” “An Errand” will hit differently.

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About Me, Love Life, Mental Health

California King Bed

There was a time when I would spend entire weekends in the bed. Of course, I would get up to use the restroom and get something to eat. I would just get back into bed. I would rarely answer the phone. I would occasionally respond to text. I set the thermostat on the coldest temperature, restarted Grace and Frankie from season 1 episode 1 over and over and then get comfortable in bed ready to sleep the day away.

It did not dawn on me that my sleeping was a faint cry for help. If I did not have any obligations to go anywhere, then I would be in the bed. Was I depressed? The thought often crossed my mind. But if I was depressed then why wasn’t I also in bed during the week I wondered? I convinced myself that it wasn’t depression.

In hindsight, I believe it was a case of high functioning depression. My last relationship had ended. . . very badly. I thought he was my future Mr. I was entirely wrong about him and his intentions. I was sad and extremely lonely. The break up felt like a punch in the gut. Ouch! I didn’t want to show up for myself on the weekends. There was no cleaning routine. My place consistently looked like Hurricane DDC had ransacked everything. There was no desire to workout. There wasn’t a relationship with the Lord. I was grieving. I didn’t know it then, but I can clearly identify it now.

This was several years ago now. I was up this morning pulling the sheets off of my bed getting ready to wash (Wednesday is the day to clean my bedroom) and the thought crossed my mind of how I used to spend entire weekends in this bed. Thankfully, I am pass that phase of life. I function. I clean. I pray. I meditate. Occasionally I work out too. I do not want to go back to that place. I will not go back.

XOXO

Lesson: You never know the battles that people are fighting daily.

Question: Do you notice when the life of the party stops living?

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Mental Health

Red Flag(s)

How many red flags before you are out? Is it like baseball? Three strikes and you are out. Or . . . is it one red flag and then game is over?

Damn. It’s 1. Is it ONE!!!!!!!

Why do I give Stop Sign(s) a second chance? Well, actually I give five chances. Today was the fifth red flag! WTF!

I need to sit with this.

XOXO

Lesson: Expect more, give less.

Question: When is my next therapy session?

Note: Read the blog post entitled, “Stop Sign.”

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Chapter 2, Love Life

My Buddy

Y’all! I made a platonic male friend! I’m so excited. He’s a cool professional dude. He is in the beginning stage of a divorce, so dating him isn’t an option. He’s cool to hang around and talk to. I love having access to a male opinion. We have some things in common. Interest in cigars, networking as a social activity and making decisions which bring peace of mind.

He and I met at a networking mixer, then connected over LinkedIn. Very informative conversations. He read the book that I’m currently working with, 12 Week Year. It is a real pleasure to have intellectual conversation with a male. Let’s give him a name. . . Buddy!

Buddy has connected me with his fraternity brother to speak on a panel to college students about the organization I work for. Speaking on a panel is on this year’s vision board! I’m nervous. I don’t know what I am going to say yet. I will work on an outline next week. The panel isn’t until March. I’ve got time to prepare thoroughly.

XOXO

Lesson: Maintain meaningful relationships with forward thinking individuals.

Question: Can men and women be friends?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Balance

What are your thoughts on meditation? I used to think it was just a gimmick. It was silent breathing, sitting cross cross applesauce and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Shout out to Tina Turner and Angela Basset. Meditation was for people who were holistic, who use the word “chakra” and buy natural deodorants from Sprouts. That is not me. However, recently I started practicing meditation as a part of my morning routine and I can testify that meditation is a beneficial practice.

For the last 21 days I have been practicing morning meditations. Sometimes twice in a day using the Balance app. I like a mid day reset to conquer my afternoons. I feel mental clarity, increased relaxation and focus because of meditation. The ability to focus on the task at hand has been amazing. I am typically very easily distracted by shiny objects. My BFF calls me Squirrel. SQUIRREL!

I have tried to meditate several times in the past. I could not stop my mind from wondering to other random thoughts. I’d think about to do lists and what groceries I needed to restock. I would give up after 2-3 days. What a difference timing and motivation makes. Now I crave meditation. A mid day reset does the trick to get a renewed dose of focus for the second half of the workday. My new clarity has encouraged the desire to learn more about all of the benefits of meditation. Did you know that meditation can increase imagination and creativity?

The Balance app is great for meditation beginners. The app asks questions daily about my experience with meditation and uses the answers to tailor the days guided meditation. There are two choices for meditation coaches. I chose the Black male. His voice is calm and familiar. The app also has meditation plans designed for your specific need at the time I.e. relieve stress, find focus, ease loneliness, facing fear, and pain relief. I will be sure to practice the meditation that eases loneliness when neccessary.

XOXO

Lesson: Download the Balance app.

Question: What does meditation do for you?

Note: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a Buddhist chant the enables chanters to embrace the entirety of the text and uncover their Buddhanature. It actually has nothing to do with meditation.

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Love Life

Weird

I have grown up with the understanding that I move differently than most. Some call it a free spirit. Some call it haphazard. The label you use doesn’t matter much to me. It is the sentiment that I admire. I am not your average woman. Recently, someone called me weird, but I believe the intent was to be hurtful this time.

I have been living by a daily cleaning schedule. Wednesdays is bedroom cleaning day, I am about to put my bedding in the wash when I take a break from this post. I pick out the drinks in my refrigerator from left to right. I expect visitors to do the same. Let me see, what else. I cannot have the sound from the tv on while I am working, but I can listen to music loudly and work and still am able to work productively. My very large mirror has a name, Dandelion and is my prized possession. I occasionally talk to my mirror. Just a comment here and there, never an entire conversation. But that is probably because a mirror cannot talk back. I have a particular way to make my bed in the morning. There is a designated order to the way the pillows are positioned. I go to bed watching the same Netflix show every single night for the last 3-4 years. I do not watch reality tv. It actually irks my nerves to even hear realty tv on my television. I have a special spot where I sit on the sofa. I politely ask guests to switch seats with me if they get to my seat first.

I received a text message stating that I am, “too weird.” Hmmm. Weird. Weird? I am definitely a different kind of a person. But am I weird?

Let me know what you think.

XOXO

Lesson: What someone else thinks about me is irrelevant to me.

Question: Do you think he meant “weird” as an insult?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health

Mittens

My dating life has been filled with heartbreak and disappointment. The trails that I have endured have lead me to ask God, “what are You trying to teach me?” What am I to learn from these trials? I am obviously not getting it. Whatever IT is. There has to be a reason for this heartbreak to keep coming one after another. What is it, God? Can You make the lesson clear to me?!? I must be doing something wrong to not have experienced the love that I long for. Does this mean I need to stop trying? Should I get a cat or two and settle into being a fine ass auntie (with no niece or nephew)?

Ironically, I do want a cat. I want to have something to talk to in my empty nest. I have been wanting one for a few years now. The stigma around single women and cats is the major reason I do not have a cat. Hmmm. On some level, I care about what other people think about me. I know I am not supposed to care, but I actually do. I don’t want to meet a guy and he shame me for having a cat. I do not want to have to pay for the boarding of a cat when I travel. My parent’s would never allow the cat in their home. My mom already told me that I would have to leave my cat in the garage when I came home.

I am going to put some thought into what I will do with the cat when I travel.

XOXO

Lesson: I do not know the lesson today.

Question: What is God trying to tell me?

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Chapter 2, Mental Health

Oven Cleaning Tuesday

Exhibit A. Weekly Cleaning Checklist

In the words of Estelle, “thank you for making me a woman.”

I grew up today. I officially became an adult. An adult who cleans her stove on Tuesday nights.

What are your daily routines? Whether it be making your bed first thing in the morning, writing in a prayer journal at bedtime or cleaning the kitchen every Oven Cleaning Tuesday? I am proud to say I have began utilizing systems. James Clear would be so proud.

I have watched 500+ YouTube tutorials and pinned an infinite amount of images on various daily routines for entertainment purposes only until today. Check out my Pinterest. https://pin.it/6IhirV9

Pinterest has officially changed the trajectory of my life. 

I am not sure who found it first. Nope.  Yes. I do remember. I asked My Married Friend to look for daily cleaning routines and she understood the assignment. 

It’s Tuesday night so I cleaned the kitchen. I am in the middle of cleaning the kitchen. I took a break to write this new beginning.

My official acceptance of adulthood.

Hear ye, hear ye, all who are listening! I, DDCandthecity, do declare from this day forward Tuesdays shall officially be known as Oven Cleaning Tuesday. 

I have washed the dishes, sprayed Clorox All Purpose Cleaner on all the surfaces, and scrubbed the refrigerator. I also mopped. Turns out I should have left mopping as the last chore. It was not a good idea as I am not yet finished cleaning the kitchen but the floor is wet.

Enter this blog. 

XOXO

Lesson: It took me 41 years to become an adult. 

Question: What do you do on Tuesday nights?

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About Me, Love Life

Romantic? Or desperate?

There are no fairytales in real life.

I met a guy and instantly imagined I was with my new boo thang. I envisioned us cuddling on the sofa watching Sunday football for the rest of the day. I would be on the couch watching him fold his laundry and complete other Sunday chores. I would offer to assist periodically and he would decline and tell me to, “just relax.”

Get these from Whole Foods. You will not be disappointed!

As you may have gathered I’m currently sitting in my corner spot on the sofa, snacking on plant based cookies that I promise taste like Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies writing this post. No chores were done together.

I had imagined this amazing future with a stranger. We barely even communicated at brunch. The only thing I know about this man is his address. Why would I have attached this magical connection to him in the first place?!? Something has to be seriously wrong with me in regards to men if I seriously thought that I would ever hear from him again.

I need Hope right now. I need hope too! This man gave absolutely no indication that he was even mildly interested in me. He really didn’t. I threw myself at him at, “hello.”

I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I feel confused. What is it about me that consistently chooses the wrong guy? Consistently! The absolute only thing they want from me is it. But now it makes me recognize what all of the guys in the past have had in common. . . me. It’s me.

I lead with it. If they lead with it, then cool too. But it isn’t all that I want. I truly want a fairytale. I want to have this awesome meet cute with a guy near the oranges counter at Target. We banter. We finish our grocery shopping together. We go to the Starbucks area and talk until his ice cream melts then we walk off into sunset. Where would I even get that from? No one in my life is living this fairytale that I dream about. Why would I even think it existed? Something needs to be fixed with my thought processes. My imagination runs in the wrong direction.

XOXO

Lesson: Real life is not a fairytale.

Question: Why do you think I have this fairytale? For real. I’d like to know some thoughts. DM me on Instagram @ddcandthecity

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About Me, Mental Health, Multiple Sclerosis

Break My Soul

I had an MRI today.

Waiting my turn.

I’m feeling . . . some type of way. I don’t know how to describe it. Wait, let me check my feelings wheel. . .

Numb.

I feel numb.

Deprived of the power of sensation. Deprived of words. I can’t stop thinking about the possibility that the multiple sclerosis has progressed. That I will be told there are more lesions on my brain. What will I do?

Tear.

Then at that very moment I hear Beyoncé’s voice belt through my radio!

You won’t break my soul

You won’t break my soul

You won’t break my soul

You won’t break my soul

I’m tellin’ everybody

MS, YOU WONT BREAK MY SOUL!

The results don’t matter. I’m going to be alright. I will handle whatever happens like I’m 100% THAT GIRL.

XOXO

Lesson: Don’t worry about things you have zero control over. It won’t help so why waste the time. Instead, enjoy every moment to its fullest potential.

Question: What’s your favorite Beyoncé song?

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