About Me, Career, Chapter 2, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health, Personal Finances

Louisiana Living

Six months ago, I packed up my life, loaded a U-Haul, and left behind nearly two decades in Texas to start fresh in Louisiana. 

I had spent 19 years building a life, raising my son, and making memories away from home, but the pull to return was undeniable. After my Daddy passed, my Mama was left alone, feeling aged and heartbroken, and I found myself alone, without a career, and needing a new direction. So I made the choice to come back, ready to be there for my Mom and to start life anew.

The decision wasn’t easy—starting over in your 40s takes resilience, adaptability, and, to be honest, a good supply of lotion infused tissues for those tough days and deep, tearful moments. A lot of tears have been shed. I felt a pull to rediscover my roots, reconnect with family, and carve out a new path.

This journey has come with plenty of adjustments and a fair share of unknowns. From adapting to life with my mom under one roof again, to building a new career, nurturing my faith, and even finding ways to invest in my own wellness, these last six months have challenged and changed me. Each step has been about more than just unpacking boxes; it’s been about uncovering pieces of myself that I hadn’t focused on in years. A new beginning.

Home. All boxes are unpacked, and my clothes and things are put away—everything has a place, and there’s a place for everything. After twenty years of living on my own since leaving my parents’ house with my one-year-old son, moving back has been an adjustment. A huge adjustment. I was a bit worried, knowing that in the past, Mom and I had a track record. We could only go about four days together before our personalities started to clash. How would it be to live under her roof, under her eye, and under her expectations?

Now, we seem to be adjusting pretty well—or at least, I think so. Wishful thinking. Every few weeks, I get the inevitable “we need to talk” conversation. This month’s topic? Replacing the wine I finished. Fair enough. So, after work, I’m off to the local grocery store to pick up two bottles of wine per her request.

Career. I now hold three jobs: bartender, barista, and Bursar’s Assistant. The first two are part-time weekend roles, while the Bursar’s Assistant is a full-time, four-month contract position with the college. Being in a state role here in Louisiana feels significant, and I can almost feel my dad smiling down, proud to see me in a government-related role like he once was. Miss you Daddy.

This summer, my good friend encouraged me to apply to a temp agency with hopes of finding work at Southern University, despite it being over 30 miles away. And about a month ago, I received a job offer much closer to home—a position at a local community college less than six miles from where I live. Blessed and highly favored. I’ve driven by the sign for the college countless times without truly noticing it, so discovering it in this way felt meant to be. Huge thanks to TT!

My second week at the college I expressed my interest in becoming a permanent team member and asked to meet with the Director of Human Resources. I came to the conversation prepared with points thoroughly outlining my qualifications for a posted Technology Coordinator role—and it was clear that the Director was just as ready to discuss the unposted HR Coordinator role with me. Smile. After a welcoming conversation, I applied for the HR Coordinator position where I’d be “the face of the human resources department.” The face? Wow! Right up my alley!! 

Wellness. I’ve been doing pretty good with consistent daily walks, which have become a reliable part of my routine. I tried the Beachbody 21-Day Fix program, a plan that helped me lose 30 pounds in the past, but this time, I haven’t managed to complete it. I’m leaning towards a simpler approach—sticking with daily walks, strength training twice a week, and practicing portion control. My sweet tooth had been out of control, but I’m finally reining it in. Though my attempts to restart a more intense fitness regimen haven’t stuck, I’m grateful for the consistency I’ve found in simpler routines that keep me grounded and healthy.

Relationships. This is an area where I continue to struggle. I am intensely lonely. Tears. The last six months have been deeply lonely; when I arrived, I isolated myself, rarely reaching out to others. Depression weighed heavily, leaving me without much to say. Worried about being perceived as “the depressed girl,” I stayed in my own bubble, finding comfort in audiobooks. So far, I’ve listened to 50 books this year—more than I have read in my lifetime combined.

Now, I almost feel ready to reconnect, but I’m not quite sure how to step back into social circles. Do I need to schedule time with friends, like an appointment? Everyone has busy lives of their own. Maybe I will ask ChatGPT to create a structured approach to re-entering the world. Gotta love the ChatGPT!  Mom and I are under the same roof but I still can’t quite say we are close. Tears. My son and I have set up a weekly call, and each week we find a good time to talk, catching each other up on our lives. I love me some Mason Riley:) That one connection has been a lifeline, and maybe it’s a good model for reconnecting with others.

Spiritual. In October, I took a meaningful step and became a member of a local Baptist church. This past Sunday, I signed up to serve in the Media Ministry, and I’ll attend my first meeting this Wednesday. I also began a prayer journal over the weekend. Since I’m new to prayer journaling, I’m using the ACTS Prayer Model—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication—as a guide for my entries. 

Personal. I started the Google Project Management Program two years ago. 24 months. Though it’s advertised as a six-month program, I have a former colleague who managed to complete it in just five weeks. I’m currently on course 5 out of 6. I finished the coursework once but didn’t pass the exam, so I’m going through the modules a second time, now taking detailed notes to ensure I fully understand the material.

Finances. I’m thrilled to say that I finally have a little cushion in the bank, and it feels amazing. My bartending job has allowed me to save cash money for the first time in my life. Last month, Mom and I went to get our toes done, and being able to pay for my own gel pedicure was a small but meaningful milestone in my financial progress.

Creativity. Becoming a YouTube content creator was one of my top goals for 2024, but so far, I’ve only managed to produce a handful of videos. I’m not entirely sure what’s holding me back—maybe it’s the fear of others judging my videos, a lack of clarity on how to navigate YouTube, or perhaps I don’t want it as much as I initially thought. I need to reflect on my motivations and determine the next steps to move forward.

On November 16, 2024 it will be officially six months back in Louisiana, and I’m finally beginning to feel grounded. Unpacking all my belongings was just the first step; now I’m learning to navigate life with family again and balancing new roles that push me forward professionally. I’ve embraced each challenge with patience and humor, including the occasional mother-daughter “we need to talk” chats. Every area of life has required intention, from joining a church community to stabilizing my finances and prioritizing health and creativity.

This season has reminded me that starting over is complex, sometimes messy, but it also brings growth and connection. Whether it’s learning to find joy in the simplest things, reconnecting with people, or laying the foundation for new habits, I’m realizing that “home” is more than a place. It’s a process of rediscovering who I am and creating a life that aligns with that. And while I’m not where I thought I’d be, I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

DDC

Lesson: In the words of Fantasia Barrino’s brother from her short lived time in reality tv, “It feels so good to be home, shorty!” 

Question: What’s your go-to move for staying connected without looking like you’re desperately craving human interaction …even though you definitely are?

PS. I went to Alexander’s Market to my buy my mom’s wine. It costs $18.99!! She got money!!! Two bottles are not in my budget, so I bought one bottle. I will get bottle #2 next week and I will no longer drink her 5% ALC wine anymore.

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About Me, Career, Chapter 2, Mental Health, Personal Finances

Feeling Low

I’m feeling low. I haven’t had an income since March. I’m literally living off the grace of God and my Mom.

I’ve had a few interviews. The interview process is completely draining. I am drained. Mentally drained. Physically drained. In the interviews, I turn my personality all the way on. I am engaging. I take notes. I’m knowledgeable about the organization. I’ve made notes about the interviewer from their LinkedIn profiles. I show my interest in the role without the true desperation I actually feel. When I really just want to say, “pick me, choose me, hire me. Please, just give me a chance!”

I want to push through. I’m trying to push through. It’s a daily struggle. Trying to be hopeful. Trying not to drown in my tears. All the while I really just want to give up. I want to curl up in the bed. Comfy pajamas. Covers over my head. Schitts Creek playing in the laptop. Crumpled up used tear stained tissues all around.

DDC

Lesson: Sadness has moved in.

Question: What do I do now?

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About Me, Daddy, Mental Health, Personal Finances, Where to?

Starburst

A change of address is coming and I am experiencing a multitude of emotions. Excited. Sad. Nervous. Eager. Nostalgic. Regretful. Joyful. Curious. Grateful. 

Excited. I moved to Texas two weeks after my college graduation in May 2005. I have visited throughout the years but never longer than 2 weeks. I am excited to experience the 2024 version of Louisiana. Excited to establish a life of intention. Excited for a chance for a new beginning. A life reset:)

Sad. 

Nervous. Being in my parent’s home without my Daddy has saddened me every visit. Sometimes just for a moment. Sometimes for a few hours that include wailing tears. I am nervous about my ability to maintain a positive, happy, hopeful disposition. Nervous that my sparkle will dwindle in my new environment. Nervous that the grief stricken energy which permeates the walls of my parent’s home will transfer to me. Nervous that my pop of pink starburst energy will become beige. 

Eager. Moving home is the ultimate reset. A metamorphosis. During metamorphosis, the caterpillar undergoes significant changes in its body structure and physiology, eventually emerging as a completely different creature with adaptations suited for its adult life. I am eager to undergo significant changes. Change in body structure. Change in environment. Change in mindset. 

Nostalgic. A time was had in the DFW metroplex these last 19 years. I have been reflecting over the people and places that made an impact on who I am today. I spent many a Friday night happy hours at the Pappadeaux’s on Frankford then would let the night take us where it may. Hey Kelly*. I remember the night that a semi famous comedian gave me the dollars out of his pocket after I performed Mary J. Blidge’s ‘Not Gon Cry’ at Maxwell’s on a Tuesday. Karaoke was, is, and will forever be my love. Thankfully, I stumbled upon a Thursday night karaoke only 3 miles away.

Regretful. Are you familiar with the butterfly effect? A concept which suggests that small changes in initial conditions can lead to vastly different outcomes. New discoveries of productivity and attention strategies that I have been learning recently make me wonder who I could have been if I knew then what I know now. I am currently using a pomodoro technique to write this blog. It is a time management method designed to improve focus and productivity by breaking work into manageable chunks and incorporating regular breaks to maintain mental freshness. It involves breaking work into intervals, traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. I wonder who would I be if I knew the pomodoro technique in 2005. What could I have done with that one simple technique? We will never know and it does no good to ponder over the what ifs.

Joyful. I am moving home to live with my Mom. Last year my Mom suggested the idea of my moving home. I am still in shock that this move was her idea. I am joyful to have the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship with her at this stage of our lives. Joyful for the front row seat to her potential metamorphosis. EXTREMELY joyful for having a significant reduction in monthly living expenses. 

Curious. What lies ahead? Will I shine bright like a diamond? Will I be a neutral beige? Will my Mom and I become buddies and have a made for television relationship? Hallmark not Tubi.

Grateful. I am grateful that my Mom has welcomed me into her home. 

DDC

Lesson: A passenger called me Starburst as a nickname this week and I liked it. 

Question: Any tips on starting over in your 40s? 

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Reset

I absolutely love a reset. Yearly reset. Monthly reset. Weekly reset. Daily reset. A reset is a chance to start over. A reset is the opportunity of a new beginning. 

“In the canvas of life, a new beginning is the brushstroke that paints the beauty of possibility. It’s not just a chance to start over; it’s an opportunity to craft a masterpiece, a chance to get it right, and an embrace of the endless potential that unfolds with every fresh start.”

I love to watch YouTube videos of people conducting their own resets. My favorite YouTuber MuchelleB is famous (to me) for the reset. She walks us through her resets with her Australian accent and I am always engrossed. So intrigued that I have rewatched her videos from 3-4 years ago with patience. It’s amusing to watch her older resets as she is using platforms that I am unfamiliar with. Have you ever heard of Things 3? 

Every new year I make a list of lofty goals in several areas of my life that I dream to achieve during the year. I would spend weeks creating elaborate vision boards of my dreams for a successful year. Then I would not refer to that vision board until the next year to create the new vision. 

This year is different. Totally different. In my Tamar Braxton voice. This year I am reviewing my annual goals on a weekly basis. Making plans for that week to progress towards the vision. 

“A goal without a plan is just a wish, a dream waiting for the blueprint of action to bring it to life.”

How did I plan to achieve the beautiful elaborate vision board without a plan? Hence, the weekly reset. On a weekly basis I review the goals for the year and plan what needs to happen that week in order to achieve the bigger picture. This year I am using the tools I have learned from watching countless YouTube videos on how to achieve the desires of my heart. 

DDC

Lesson: A reset is a weekly must. 

Question: How do you prepare for a new week? A new month? A new year? 

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About Me, Career, Chapter 2, Daddy, Mental Health

No Call No Show

Later tonight, I am hosting the debut karaoke night at Lena’s Ontechnology for a college friend. In my low mood, all I wanted to do was… well, absolutely nothing. I didn’t feel like doing a single thing. My usual spark was missing in action. How in the hell am I going to be able to put my game face on enough to host a karaoke night when I do not want to get out of bed? I woke up in a low mood. Last night, I decided that I would wake up at 7 a.m. Unfortunately, I did not tell the alarm clock. I naturally woke up after 8 a.m. to disappointment. I wanted to lay in bed longer than a sloth on a weekend. But then, thankfully, I remembered I had a phone interview for a project management position at 10 a.m. I needed to do my usual interview preparation. I needed to research the company, review the interviewer’s LinkedIn profile, and prepare some thought provoking questions.

So, I played my interview anthem to get in gear. Rick Ross blared over the HomePod loud and clear, “Everyday I’m hustlin’. Everyday I’m, everyday I’m, everyday I’m hustlin’. Everyday I’m hustlin’.” Okay. It’s go time!! I pulled up my resume, the job description, and LinkedIn and waited patiently. And you won’t believe it, the interviewer was a no call, no show to the phone interview that I was so excited about. After waiting for 15+ minutes, I realized that she wasn’t going to call. I did my due diligence and sent an email requesting a reschedule, and then at that moment, a heavy cloud came over my spirit. I wanted to get back in bed and stay there… indefinitely. So, I sent out the SOS text to my tribe (I needed encouragement) and then called my Mama and cried. I had a really good cry. My Mom reminded me that I’ve conquered this unemployment demon before and I WILL do it again. Instead of getting in the bed and deep under the covers, I made the decision to fight the low mood. Besides, I have to be fabulous tonight. I had a list of things to cross off my to-do list. Hair. Outfit. Makeup. Plus I needed to send out a few reminders about tonight’s festivities.

I stopped by Walgreens on the way home and picked up some prints of my family. My sister had the idea to get a picture of Daddy printed for her place. I picked out my favorite picture of Daddy. He had the biggest smile. The kind of smile where your eyes squint. I bought him a Michael Kors shirt for Christmas one year. His first designer article of clothing. His excitement shines through the photo. It was my Mom’s idea to keep the original price on the shirt. I never told him that I got it from Nordstrom’s Rack for half the ticketed price. I also printed a photo of my sister, Nicole, my Mom, and I from the New Orleans City Park from 2022. I’d arranged for my cousin to take our pictures as a surprise for my Mom. The third picture was of my BFF and I from my 40th birthday in 2021. I am in rare form in that picture. My BFF is looking beautiful, poised, and reserved as usual next to my gangster chic. Printing pictures is such a lost art. My stomach began to growl a bit. Walgreens is in the same parking lot as El Fenix. Chips and salsa, please! I treated myself to the chocolate caramel sopapilla and a tequila sunrise. I sent out a few reminders about tonight.

My neighbor came over, and we had girl chat while I finished putting on my makeup. She instructed me to put a gold shimmer in my tear duct. A tip that was the perfect addition to my nighttime look. We proceeded to drink a few shots of tequila. Well, she had shots, and I had coconut flavored tequila with water as my mixer. I arrived at Lena’s Ontechnology, and I saw my BFF already in the parking lot. She’s not known for being early for events. Her presence gave me a sense of calmness and familiarity that I needed tonight. I walked in, and there were already three more friends sitting on the barstools with huge smiles and comforting words. I felt so loved.

Yes! Let’s get this party started!!! 🎤🎶

Lesson: I do experience low vibrations from time to time. Job searching is emotionally draining. I need people. I’m energized by being around people.

Question: What energizes you? 

XOXO

-DDC

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About Me, Daddy, Mental Health, Therapy

Choose Happiness

I love my Daddy.

My Daddy played the role of mediator between my mother and me. He always knew the perfect words at the perfect moment.

One Thanksgiving, my mom and Daddy came to Texas. Loaded up the car with all the ingredients needed to make gumbo. My Mom and I decided that was the year I would finally learn how to cook her gumbo.

Well. My Mom’s teaching style didn’t quite match with my learning style. I typically cooked from recipes with precise measurements. Hello Fresh comes with pictures, you know. On the other hand, my Mom is skilled at eyeball method of measurement. Simply put. This led to a lot of frustration between my Mom and I. The tension was real real thick. my Daddy sensed it being his time to step in. He pleaded, “Come on now, y’all!” Lol. Since then I have developed my own way of cooking gumbo. It’s passable. Of course it doesn’t compare to my mom’s.

To my Mama, I love you! I love you just the way you are. You embody the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman. Just like her, you diligently take care of your responsibilities and prioritize them .. often placing them ahead of your own desires.

Mama, you have every right to prioritize your own well-being. I implore you to prioritize your own happiness. Each day, I hope you wake up and choose happiness despite the challenges. I recognize how tough it can be—it’s a going to be a difficult journey. But remember, YOU can do hard things. The key lies in your choices.

So, choose happiness.

XOXO

Lesson: Happiness is a choice.

Question: How are you prioritizing your happiness today?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Daddy

Thirteen.

I won’t move on until my Daddy’s memorial service.

I had a hearty cry in the Waffle House parking lot. My Daddy and I (plus Mason) loved to go to the Waffle House. Two pork chops. Eggs scrambled softly. Grits swimming in butter. Warm syrup. Chocolate chip waffle.

Grits and eggs were devoured before photo.

I poured one (orange juice) out for my dead homey while playing to Its So Hard To Say Goodbye from Cooley High Soundtrack.

Simply Orange

I spent an entire day in bed. Only getting up to occasionally use the restroom.

I’m ready to move on.

I need to celebrate my Daddy’s life before I can unapologetically live mine . . . again.

XOXO

Lesson: My Daddy transitioned Sunday, August 13. His memorial services are Saturday, August 26. Thirteen days in limbo.

Question: What comes after limbo?

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About Me, Chapter 2

Allen Iverson

Have you heard of AI? Not Allen Iverson. Artificial intelligence. ChatGPT is AI. Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of professional emails and I use ChatGPT on a daily basis. It’s become somewhat of a foundation. A rough draft, you know.

So today I asked ChatGPT to write an essay for me. I typed, “write an essay to be read at my Daddy’s funeral.”

Want to know how ChatGPT responded? It sent condolences. Seriously ChatGPT sent me condolences on the passing of my father. It wrote “I’m really sorry to hear about your loss.”

I received condolences from ChatGPT today.

XOXO

Lesson: AI has a heart:)

Question: How do you use Artificial Intelligence (AI)?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Where to?

Leo’s Roller Rink

I walked into the room. I didn’t know what to expect. My Daddy was laying in a hospital bed. His eyes opened with a slight smile. He was happy to have a visitor but unsure of who I was. He blinked a bit. He focused. Then he quickly arose beaming with pure joy. I knew the moment he recognized his visitor. “Badness!” My Daddy consistently made me feel like I was the most important person in his world.

I remember going to Leo’s Roller Rink on Saturday mornings.

Just me and my Daddy. I’ve always been a devoted Daddy’s girl. Saturday skating sessions would always close with a race. One lap around the rink with your age group. I was fast (in elementary school). I often won the free small cold drink. After each win I would sashay towards my Daddy. Biggest smile my face could hold. He would clap so loudly. I remember the commanding clap coming from his soul as if I won gold in the junior Olympics.

My Daddy is … was … my biggest fan.

XOXO

Lesson: In Loving Memory. Dean Renea Clark. June 6, 1948- August 13, 2023.

Question: Who does a Daddy’s girl become in Chapter Two?

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About Me, Chapter 2, Mental Health

Sadness

Sadness

Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? It’s a Pixar cartoon that I connect with …inside out.

The main character is a happy 11-year-old whose world turns upside-down when she and her parents move to San Francisco. Riley’s emotions try to guide her through this difficult, life-changing event. However, the stress of the move brings Sadness to the forefront.

Let me introduce you to Sadness. In a moment of extreme despair, Sadness kicks her leg up letting Joy know that if she wanted Sadness to move then Joy had to drag Sadness to the destination.

I know Sadness. I know her very well. She’s been with me these last few days. Lying on the floor with her leg kicked up demanding Joy to show up in a big way.

XOXO

Lesson: Leg in the air.

Question: When’s the last time you experienced Joy?

#ddcandthecity

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