Tag Archives: MS

Multiple Sclerosis

Very Important Person

A letter.

To: My original handler, my confidant, my voice of reason, my BFF. I know you have your reasons. Here is mine.

MS sucks. Shorter walks don’t. I want a handicapped license. Can I?

The only advantage of having multiple sclerosis, a declared disability (that I can think of) is the ability to be VIP . . . in the parking lot. Let me use this advantage. Pretty pretty please.

I understand that I do not need it. I promise I do. I can walk. I can probably walk more and longer than I even think I can. That handicapped license is gold, platinum even! Always has been. I remember seeing others with it and immediately thinking, “man, I wish that I had one.” Now, because of this condition I can actually qualify. I want it! Real bad.

This weekend I had access to VIP while driving my dad’s car. I felt like royalty. I didn’t use it too much. In the hospital parking lot everyone is VIP.

Seriously, I want it for my apartment parking lot. I’ve always had an assigned spot. Originally, it was so that I would always have a spot. Then it was to have a closer spot. Now, it’s to always have the same spot. I struggle with my memory. I’m concerned that without an assigned spot I’ll have to park wherever is available meaning a different spot every day. Forgetting where I parked is an anxiety inducing experience. A panic attack waiting to happen.

At Target, I always park on the row matching the entrance. At Coffee’s, I park in the space all the way to the right (no one ever seems to use it). At the office, I park on the back row. Every single time. It takes longer to get to the entrance. However, I notice that if I park in a different spot, then I struggle to remember where my car is and sometimes I feel panicked by that. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Very uncomfortable to me actually.

So yes. I can walk the distance. But what happens when I don’t know where I’m going?

XOXO

Lesson: I’d like an accommodation.

Question: What is your favorite place to park? Do you have one? Or is this another thing to add to my list of “weird” qualities?

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Multiple Sclerosis

Grace

A multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis is considered a disability. I have a whole disability. Wow. Intellectually, I know that I have MS. However, I still forget that I need accommodations in certain instances because of my disability. I cannot do everything I used to do. I have limitations. Sad face.

My major limitation is that I have an intense bladder control issue. I accommodate for it 90% of the time. I have accepted it. I have had an issue controlling my bladder for 20+ years. It’s a part of my story. I pee. Often. In odd locations. I once pulled into the U-turn lane on highway 114. Opened my door and squatted right there!!! The urge comes immediately and at that minute everything stops until I am able to void. I know this. The people in my life all know this.

I’m currently on a plane headed back home to DFW reflecting on the events of the wellness weekend in Arizona to celebrate my dear friend’s milestone birthday. There were six absolutely dynamic women. Of the 6, I knew only one very well. The birthday girl. The vibe was relaxation, wellness and laughter. I truly loved every aspect of my trip. It was the perfect time getaway from all responsibility. Everything was planned perfectly. I didn’t have to think about anything. Ultimate bliss.

Strike a pose.

I only mentioned my condition in passing on the trip. Every single lady extended me grace to my limitations. We went on a two hour road trip to Sedona. I, of course, had to stop several times for restroom breaks. Not one person complained. Nobody said, “AGAIN?!?” They even would check with me to see if I needed to stop before I even had to think about. The Arizona heat was close to the temperature of hell. It was hot. MS tends to flare in the heat. They would tell me to get out of the direct sun. “Try sitting in this shaded area,” “stay out of the deep end (I am not a strong swimmer),” and “let me hold your hand as you get out of the van.” There was genuine concern for my well-being. I felt it. It felt like love. I greatly appreciate it. I felt welcomed just as I am, bladder and all. Grace is love.

The devil started talking to me. He said, “you are handicapped.” He laughed and said, “you cannot do everything that used to.” For a moment, I listened. That damn devil is here to steal, kill and destroy. I’d like to also add that he is here to isolate. For a moment, I put my head down. I felt the sadness rising in my gut. I needed a minute. Relax. Relate. Release.

But then I heard another voice. It was calm, comforting and reassuring. God is here. He said, “don’t focus on the few things that you cannot do. Instead, focus on all the other capabilities that I continue to give you.” Jesus.

I am a child of the Most High. He is my keeper, my confidant, my husband and my all. He chose me before parents knew I was coming. Praise Him! Hallelujah!! Thank you Lord. I feel so blessed right now that I could shout on this plane.

XOXO

Lesson: Jehovah Jireh. God provides.

Question: Has God talked you through a valley?

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