Tag Archives: Coffee

Chapter 2

IRL

I miss being held at night. It felt like home. I miss his consideration. He could be very thoughtful. I miss end of the day conversations. I miss feeling appreciated while preparing Hello Fresh. I miss someone else cleaning up afterwards. I miss having a handyman. I miss being in a couple. I miss having someone to do life with. I miss being an “us.”

What am I doing about it? I joined Hinge, an online dating site, a couple weeks ago. Potential matches are fewer than Tinder but more than Coffee Meets Bagel. Hinge advertises they are designed for you to get off the app with a match. I’d honestly rather meet someone in real life. IRL. Does that happen anymore? Why does dating have to be so complicated?

I’m ready for a life partner.

At least I’m ready to try.

XOXO

Lesson: I’m accepting life partner applications.

Question: Who do you know?

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Chapter 2, Daddy, Love Life

A Taste of Coffee

Coffee reached out after my Daddy’s memorial expressing his concern and offering his support. He has always been a thoughtful man. When he said, “if there’s anything that I can do to help support you, then let me know,” I’ve been offered support in the past, but I never know what I needed. I immediately knew what I needed when Coffee offered.

That night, I longed for friendly banter, companionship, and the comfort of being held. It reminded me of a line from “Waiting to Exhale” where Angela Bassett’s character, separated from her husband, admits, “I’m not like you, Gloria. I need to be held, even if it is a damn lie.” But what if it wasn’t a lie?

I eagerly awaited Coffee’s arrival, glancing through the peephole after he called from the parking lot. When he stood at my door, I sensed him collecting himself, preparing to interact with me, his ex. Encounters like these can be unpredictable. Our last phone conversation wasn’t pleasant, though not heated, just uncomfortable. Endings often carry that weight, but it wasn’t what I desired for us.

Coffee looked great, wearing a crisp white short-sleeve button-up and khaki cargo shorts, exuding a casual and classic vibe. We engaged in casual banter, catching up like old friends. He noticed that I had rearranged my furniture, making my apartment appear larger—a realization of the cute studio apartment I had always dreamed of. Chapter Two.

Have you ever experienced the realization you are living at least one of your dreams?

Coffee and I lay on top of the comforter, watching “Funny People” on Netflix. I chose the movie, as I adore Adam Sandler, and Seth Rogen’s humor always brings me joy. I needed a good laugh.

That night, Coffee held me close, and I reveled in being the little spoon. It felt incredibly comforting and pleasurable, as if the past had evaporated. It was as if he hadn’t ghosted me, as if he genuinely wanted to be with me, as if we were both at home in Chapter Two.

XOXO

Lesson: I had a taste for some Coffee this week.

Question: What’s your favorite Adam Sandler movie?

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Chapter 2

Reflections from August

1. Mason came to my infusion appointment for the first time.

2. Free burgers from Slutty Vegan w/ Mason. Tasty.

3. I love Oreo. I’m officially a dog Auntie.

4. My neighbor taught my BFF a cool way to squirt pool water.

5. Mason taught me how to skip.

6. My Aunties Mary, Gail, Karen and I sang karaoke and danced around the house. Titanium!

7. Bar Louie meetup w/ Ernest. Time for a hair cut.

8. Got my first tattoo, my Daddy’s birthday.

9. Experienced Rhythm and Bowl at Bowlero on Tuesday nights. Karaoke!

10. Had eggs and rice for breakfast in Louisiana. Delicious.

11. Discovered the neighborhood pool in Gonzales. Relaxation.

12. Edited the program at the daiquiri shop. Bellini.

13. Mason went back to school. Hello, empty nest:)

14. Posted a video of my Mom saying, “What’s that?”

15. My Daddy’s Memorial Service was beautiful. Closure.

16. My tribe showed up and out. Loved.

17. After Memorial karaoke with SuperRay at 24 hr karaoke bar. Fun.

18. Face to face counseling session w/ Hope. Release.

19. Coffee held me. Ahh.

20. Spent quality time with BFF. Understanding.

21. Mom gave words of affirmation several times. Love language.

22. Reconnected with Lalle Berry.

23. Gooden sent beautiful flowers.

24. Portable hookah from Amazon. Third time is the charm.

XOXO

Lesson: August had lots of highlights.

Question: Have you completed a monthly reset?

Monthly Reset Instructions:

Start by reflecting over the previous month. What were your highlights? Then set goals and intentions for the new month. What would you like to accomplish? How will you develop your mind? How are you going to challenge yourself this month?

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Love Life

Point of No Return

We used to play around singing Loveeeee in Future’s voice. It was fun and funny. Playful energy. Giggles. Now, I listen to Rihanna’s verse and it hits differently. Art imitates life.

You started being stingy with your time. Wondering if I am on your mind. I wanted to be in your possession. I wanted to be the one you want. You didn’t want me. You can’t want me.

I’m glad you made your choice known. If I had meant anything to you, then you could have expressed your choice with words. Feelings change. It’s perfectly okay. Use your words. Instead you chose silence. The coward’s choice.

Your representative was outgoing. A concert go-er. A candle maker. A tent builder. A person who enjoyed quality time. He was generous. Thoughtful. Considerate of my physical limitations. He held me tight while we slept. He gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. He fit perfectly inside of me. He noticed the little things. Your representative made me feel content.

You are not your representative. Thank you for showing up as the coward you are before it all became too deep. Your representative and I had a beautiful moment. You and I have nothing.

XOXO

Lesson: You crossed the line. The point of no return.

Question: What is your favorite song from Future or Rihanna?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Lessons

Trust my intuition. I started to see changes in his behavior about two months ago. Our time together went from 5-6 days to once a week. I knew it then. He said it was work. My heart told me it wasn’t.

Ask more questions. There were a lot of unknowns about him. He didn’t volunteer details. I didn’t ask follow up questions.

I am changing. In the past, I would have given this my energy. In Chapter Two I know I am the prize!

I am secure in the fact that our demise had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My self love journey just collected a trophy.

XOXO

Question: What did you learn from your last relationship?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Farewell

I usually wake up before my 7am alarm. I rinse my mug from the night before. A birthday present from a friend. I love filling my mug from the filtered water spout of my side by side fridge. My new apartment comes with filtered water. It’s a first for me. Chapter Two. The little things mean so much to me. I put the cup in the microwave for 2 minutes then head the two to three steps to my dining table to take my meds. The microwave beeps, I add cinnamon dolce skinny syrup and three ice cubes and stir. I like stirring the ice until it melts. It has a calming effect to the moment. My soul is soothed by a cup of warm tea.

Coffee. It was a beautiful moment in time.

XOXO

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Chapter 2, Love Life

Tote & Carry

The gate attendant scanned my boarding pass and then asked me to wait while he then pushed another pre boarder down the ramp. I thought this whole interaction was a bit strange. Why did I need to stand for pre boarding holding my heavy cute duffle if he knew I would still be waiting. Annoyed. He comes back to the gate. This time he offered to carry my duffle. It’s a super cute pink duffle from Tote & Carry that I overstuffed and was definitely struggling to carry.

Note: I did a google search for a weekender bag a few years ago. Immediately Tote & Carry started popping up on all of my social media. Uber cute, slightly affordable and best of all black owned brand. Obviously, I added to cart and eventually I placed an order.

Once we walk to the plane he carefully hands me my duffle and a folded piece of white paper. I didn’t remember dropping my boarding pass or any papers. I said, thank you,” put the paper in my backpack and headed to find a good window seat.

Third row. Right side. Window seat. Bliss. Oh! Let me see what was on this paper I dropped.

He wrote on a piece or paper and old school slid his number in my hands and I didn’t even realize it. Blushing.

XOXO

Lesson: I’m even cute at 5am with only a little mascara and SPF. Good Molecules Dark Spot Serum is definitely decreasing the hyperpigmentation on my cheeks. #winning

Question: What’s something someone did that flattered you lately?

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Chapter 2, Love Life, Where to?

Camping? Who? Me!

I went camping. Not glamping. Let’s be clear. Real CAMPING. I am talking tents, sleeping bags, cast iron skillets and s’mores. I have come to the realization that I am in love with the outdoors minus mosquitoes.

Friday after work Coffee (my boo from Coffee Meets Bagel) and I loaded up the trunk, met up with two couples and then we caravanned to Lake Texoma, Oklahoma. Coffee drove. I slept the entire way. He’s a speed racer. Not sure what was the reason for the rush. It was best that I close my eyes. Lately, I have feelings of anxiety when other people are driving me. Which is very interesting considering I am not a great driver myself.

Once we arrived every couple worked together to put their tents up. Coffee and I had a regular tent. I assisted by handing him things. He’s so handy. Smile. The other two couples had matching penthouse tents. Their tents were one bedroom apartments bigger than some studio apartments I’ve seen on YouTube.

Tent Sweet Tent

That evening we sat around with the most deliciously seasoned steaks on the fire thanks to my friend. She and her husband coordinated the weekend. She confirmed I have a plus one a couple weeks ago and then asked if we were interested in a camping adventure. Coffee agreed immediately. Smile. He’s been working very hard this season. A weekend away was perfect timing. We all sat around the fire laughing and talking, listening to mellow music and simply enjoying life. Good people. Good vibes. Great times.

Saturday we had scrambled eggs with a vegetable medley. So delicious. The campsite was a short walk to the most relaxing and beautiful beach. I’m still amazed this was a quick road trip to Oklahoma. Wow. I love water. I laid on the sand near the water’s edge listening to a podcast about the ability to be both classy and ratchet at the same time with the sounds of the waves in the background. Bliss.

Saturday evening we played a conversation starting game I found on Amazon. The questions were a mixture of light and thought provoking questions. We talked about what we learned about marriage from watching our parents. I remember one of the husbands saying how much he admired his father and the way his father expresses love for his mother. It was quite beautiful to hear. Reassuring. Long lasting love exists.

I woke up to wet campgrounds Sunday morning. I slept so hard through what I heard was a rough storm. Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. Coffee kept checking the tent making sure it didn’t leak while I snored. Thankfully, we stayed pretty dry. We got up, broke down the tents, cleaned up our site, packed the trunk once again and headed back to the real world.

I had the most amazing time. I loved seeing Coffee interact in a group setting. He’s more reserved than I am (well honestly everyone is more reserved than me). I was nervous he would sit in the lonely lunch corner while the rest of us enjoyed each other’s company. Fortunately, I had nothing to be nervous about. Coffee was magnificent in every way. I feel like we’re even closer now. It feels good.

XOXO

Lesson: Add an air mattress on the camping essentials list. It takes my body two days to recover after two days of sleeping on the ground.

Question: What did you learn about marriage by watching your parents?

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Multiple Sclerosis

Very Important Person

A letter.

To: My original handler, my confidant, my voice of reason, my BFF. I know you have your reasons. Here is mine.

MS sucks. Shorter walks don’t. I want a handicapped license. Can I?

The only advantage of having multiple sclerosis, a declared disability (that I can think of) is the ability to be VIP . . . in the parking lot. Let me use this advantage. Pretty pretty please.

I understand that I do not need it. I promise I do. I can walk. I can probably walk more and longer than I even think I can. That handicapped license is gold, platinum even! Always has been. I remember seeing others with it and immediately thinking, “man, I wish that I had one.” Now, because of this condition I can actually qualify. I want it! Real bad.

This weekend I had access to VIP while driving my dad’s car. I felt like royalty. I didn’t use it too much. In the hospital parking lot everyone is VIP.

Seriously, I want it for my apartment parking lot. I’ve always had an assigned spot. Originally, it was so that I would always have a spot. Then it was to have a closer spot. Now, it’s to always have the same spot. I struggle with my memory. I’m concerned that without an assigned spot I’ll have to park wherever is available meaning a different spot every day. Forgetting where I parked is an anxiety inducing experience. A panic attack waiting to happen.

At Target, I always park on the row matching the entrance. At Coffee’s, I park in the space all the way to the right (no one ever seems to use it). At the office, I park on the back row. Every single time. It takes longer to get to the entrance. However, I notice that if I park in a different spot, then I struggle to remember where my car is and sometimes I feel panicked by that. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Very uncomfortable to me actually.

So yes. I can walk the distance. But what happens when I don’t know where I’m going?

XOXO

Lesson: I’d like an accommodation.

Question: What is your favorite place to park? Do you have one? Or is this another thing to add to my list of “weird” qualities?

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Chapter 2, Love Life

ABV

I really like Coffee. I like him. Whether it’s putting my old clutter in the dumpster, eating a home cooked meal on the floor of my apartment (I sold my sofa) or dancing in my office/ dining area to a rap song. The little things. I enjoy being in his presence.

We’ve been doing life together. He came to my place and we worked together twice this week. I love having a coworker near. Candidates say the dumbest things and it is fun to get off the phone then immediately have a hearty laugh at them with a nearby ear.

He came with me to make a return at Target. A simple task but walking the aisles next to a tall handsome man discussing acceptable alcohol content of wines is a scene from a movie. A movie that I have not played on in a long while. I believe I found this new role at just the right time in my life.

Chapter Two.

Lesson: Cigars International won’t be seeing me for a little while.

Question: What’s your ideal ABV?

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