I met a guy on Coffee Meets Bagel a couple of weeks ago. I am doing something different to get something different. I started the chat by making my goals for online dating very clear and asked what did he desire. I no longer want to waste my time pursuing f*ck boys. Therefore, I need to know that a guy has some serious intentions with dating from the very beginning. Let’s call this one Coffee.
CMB
It has been a great two weeks. It is as if seeds are being planted. He plants the seeds and he waters them daily. We initially matched on February 13th. I started the chat. He responds in complete sentences (not just “k” or “that’s great” when I sent an essay). He doesn’t use text speak (i.e. wyd?) and I appreciate that. Reading complete sentences on dating apps is a huge turn on for me. Our first phone conversation was three hours. We talked about anything and everything. I felt like Alicia Keys singing, “Teenage Love Affair.” Coffee has an amazing sense of humor and he laughs at my jokes. He’s intelligent. He likes to go outside. He initiates outings. We have future plans to attend a wine festival after I get settled in my new place.
Spending time with him feels comfortable. We have easy conversation. I am able to be my natural weird self without judgement. I love that he laughs at my humor. Coffee is an introvert. Very different than my extrovert ways. He’s more reserved opposed to my outgoing, open and free spirit. He’s slim and I am thick. He only wants to sit in the front row at a concert while I do not mind touching the ceiling of the venue. They say opposites attract.
Since I started this blog I wondered how I would feel when a dating prospect read my words. Especially if I wanted to write about them! I mentioned my blog daily to Time Warner. I hoped at some point he would ask to see it. He never did. I want my mate to be an avid reader of my blog. He could give his honest opinions in response to the questions posed. I want him to quote a my words the way Dre quoted Sidney in Brown Sugar, “simplicity provides a fine line between elegance and plainness.”
Coffee read my blog today.
XOXO
Lesson: I like my Coffee, tall bright and handsome.
Question: How should a love interest demonstrate their interest for you to receive it?
Y’all! I made a platonic male friend! I’m so excited. He’s a cool professional dude. He is in the beginning stage of a divorce, so dating him isn’t an option. He’s cool to hang around and talk to. I love having access to a male opinion. We have some things in common. Interest in cigars, networking as a social activity and making decisions which bring peace of mind.
He and I met at a networking mixer, then connected over LinkedIn. Very informative conversations. He read the book that I’m currently working with, 12 Week Year. It is a real pleasure to have intellectual conversation with a male. Let’s give him a name. . . Buddy!
Buddy has connected me with his fraternity brother to speak on a panel to college students about the organization I work for. Speaking on a panel is on this year’s vision board! I’m nervous. I don’t know what I am going to say yet. I will work on an outline next week. The panel isn’t until March. I’ve got time to prepare thoroughly.
XOXO
Lesson: Maintain meaningful relationships with forward thinking individuals.
What are your thoughts on meditation? I used to think it was just a gimmick. It was silent breathing, sitting cross cross applesauce and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Shout out to Tina Turner and Angela Basset. Meditation was for people who were holistic, who use the word “chakra” and buy natural deodorants from Sprouts. That is not me. However, recently I started practicing meditation as a part of my morning routine and I can testify that meditation is a beneficial practice.
For the last 21 days I have been practicing morning meditations. Sometimes twice in a day using the Balance app. I like a mid day reset to conquer my afternoons. I feel mental clarity, increased relaxation and focus because of meditation. The ability to focus on the task at hand has been amazing. I am typically very easily distracted by shiny objects. My BFF calls me Squirrel. SQUIRREL!
I have tried to meditate several times in the past. I could not stop my mind from wondering to other random thoughts. I’d think about to do lists and what groceries I needed to restock. I would give up after 2-3 days. What a difference timing and motivation makes. Now I crave meditation. A mid day reset does the trick to get a renewed dose of focus for the second half of the workday. My new clarity has encouraged the desire to learn more about all of the benefits of meditation. Did you know that meditation can increase imagination and creativity?
The Balance app is great for meditation beginners. The app asks questions daily about my experience with meditation and uses the answers to tailor the days guided meditation. There are two choices for meditation coaches. I chose the Black male. His voice is calm and familiar. The app also has meditation plans designed for your specific need at the time I.e. relieve stress, find focus, ease loneliness, facing fear, and pain relief. I will be sure to practice the meditation that eases loneliness when neccessary.
XOXO
Lesson: Download the Balance app.
Question: What does meditation do for you?
Note: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is a Buddhist chant the enables chanters to embrace the entirety of the text and uncover their Buddhanature. It actually has nothing to do with meditation.
My dating life has been filled with heartbreak and disappointment. The trails that I have endured have lead me to ask God, “what are You trying to teach me?” What am I to learn from these trials? I am obviously not getting it. Whatever IT is. There has to be a reason for this heartbreak to keep coming one after another. What is it, God? Can You make the lesson clear to me?!? I must be doing something wrong to not have experienced the love that I long for. Does this mean I need to stop trying? Should I get a cat or two and settle into being a fine ass auntie (with no niece or nephew)?
Ironically, I do want a cat. I want to have something to talk to in my empty nest. I have been wanting one for a few years now. The stigma around single women and cats is the major reason I do not have a cat. Hmmm. On some level, I care about what other people think about me. I know I am not supposed to care, but I actually do. I don’t want to meet a guy and he shame me for having a cat. I do not want to have to pay for the boarding of a cat when I travel. My parent’s would never allow the cat in their home. My mom already told me that I would have to leave my cat in the garage when I came home.
I am going to put some thought into what I will do with the cat when I travel.
I met a man. Well, I rekindled a 15+ year old fling.
Have you ever been to Cigars International? Last Saturday, I felt like stepping out. Sent a text to a girlfriend and asked if she wanted to be seen as much as I did. She declined. It doesn’t bother me to go out solo solo. Actually, I enjoy it. I got dressed up real nice with my big ass black hoop earrings and headed to Cigars International.
Men love cigars. I love men. The mean at Cigars International always love me. I get chose every time I am there. I like going. A lot. It is nice sized, has a huge patio outside with a fire pit and ample seating. I need access to a seat in order to leave the house. Inside there are several big comfy leather chairs in the center.
I walked in and all I could see were men. Black handsome men. I love that place. Smile. I might go tonight. I walked around looking for a suitor and an empty chair. I walk by the big comfy chairs and I hear my name. “Danielle!” It was a familiar voice. I looked down and sitting there was (let’s call him) Time Warner looking damn good with a new to me beard with shades of gray. Mmmm. Well okay Time Warner. Time has been good to you.
Many moons ago I called Time Warner Cable. My cable had been turned off for nonpayment. Hehe. I think I called to negotiate and Time Warner was the customer service representative. His voice was so sexy that I got his information and we started seeing each other. I can remember chilling at Maxwell’s Lounge with Time Warner. He was always very nice and treated me good.
We sat at Cigars International together for the rest of night catching up. He’s still really nice. I enjoyed being with him again and then he asked me to be his girl friend. Just like that. I said yes. Me. A whole girlfriend!
We starting hanging out daily. It feels so good to have someone.
XOXO
Update: Time Warner and I are not equally yoked. I am a single woman.
Tara, my Program Therapist, asked if I had ever thought about becoming a life coach at the end of our last session. Look at God! It is wild that she would ask. Especially right now. Perfect timing. I put “life coach” all over this year’s vision board(s).
I love visioning. I have 4 pages of visions in my Day Designer planner, my laptop wallpaper is a vision board, my iPhone wallpaper is a vision board and I have recently started putting a vision board at the start of every week in my Savor planner.. . Yes, I have two planners.
Day Designer Vision
Thrive. Conscious spending. Weight loss. Reading. A beach with my boo. Mentorship. Professionalism. Intention. Affirmations. Contentment. Strength training. A trip to Jamaica. Execution. Pilates. Endless streams of income. Healthy living. Yoga. Deloitte. Love. Peace. Intimate moments. Savings. My tribe. Consistency. Mental health. Thrive.
My word for 2023 is THRIVE.
I am on a self love journey full of self care, establishing systems, and execution. It is a journey, not a destination. Thoughts of love and beauty come to mind in my day dreams. I am equipped with resources to find the answers to life’s questions. There is happiness in my life. Peace that surpasses all understanding. I have joy in my soul.
I want to share that happiness with others. I want them to look past their adverse circumstances and focus on the blessings in their lives. I want to walk them through the steps that I took (and others) to establish systems. I want to be there when they reach their goals.
Therefore, I have completed my certification in life coaching. As of this morning, I am officially a certified Happiness Life Coach.
XOXO
Lesson: You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.
In the words of Estelle, “thank you for making me a woman.”
I grew up today. I officially became an adult. An adult who cleans her stove on Tuesday nights.
What are your daily routines? Whether it be making your bed first thing in the morning, writing in a prayer journal at bedtime or cleaning the kitchen every Oven Cleaning Tuesday? I am proud to say I have began utilizing systems. James Clear would be so proud.
I have watched 500+ YouTube tutorials and pinned an infinite amount of images on various daily routines for entertainment purposes only until today. Check out my Pinterest. https://pin.it/6IhirV9
Pinterest has officially changed the trajectory of my life.
I am not sure who found it first. Nope. Yes. I do remember. I asked My Married Friend to look for daily cleaning routines and she understood the assignment.
It’s Tuesday night so I cleaned the kitchen. I am in the middle of cleaning the kitchen. I took a break to write this new beginning.
My official acceptance of adulthood.
Hear ye, hear ye, all who are listening! I, DDCandthecity, do declare from this day forward Tuesdays shall officially be known as Oven Cleaning Tuesday.
I have washed the dishes, sprayed Clorox All Purpose Cleaner on all the surfaces, and scrubbed the refrigerator. I also mopped. Turns out I should have left mopping as the last chore. It was not a good idea as I am not yet finished cleaning the kitchen but the floor is wet.
I am leaving my old identity and becoming Danielle 2.0 in 2023. Previously, I identified myself as lazy. I thought it was just who I was. I was lazy. I did not keep promises to myself. Promises of productivity. Whether it was to make my bed up or to wake up at 5am. I didn’t do it. Well, at least not consistently. So I am leaving “lazy Danielle” in 2022.
What else?
Stupid girl behavior. I am no longer running after these no good dudes who are not worth my time. This one may be a challenge for me. I have exhibited stupid girl behavior for so long that it is second nature to me. I will clean my phone out and block a few dudes that do not belong in 2023. They probably should have already been deleted. But hey, I have to start somewhere.
Confessions of a shopaholic. Have you seen the movie, Confessions of Shopaholic? The main character’s name is Rebecca Bloomwood. I named my car after her because I bought the car at a time when I definitely did not need a shiny new car, could not afford the car note and my credit rating made the interest rate incredibly high. I saw an advertisement for a similar car. Went to test drive it, then saw the car I bought and new I had to have it immediately. I am leaving impulsive shopping in 2022.
Unhealthy food choices. The human body is a beautiful thing. God made us in his image and therefore, I want to show appreciation for this vessel that HE has bestowed upon me in the way I choose to nourish it. Am I saying that I will give up sweets completely? Absolutely not! But do I need to order two cheesecakes from The Cheesecake Factory to be delivered to me at a bar that ran out of their desserts, no. Not anymore.
Ashy knees. Well ash is general. I am leaving ash in 2022. I bought a large Nivea recently and I will use it. Daily. Not only on the skin that is showing after I put my clothes on, the entire body.
XOXO
Lesson: I get to determine who I want to be. Danielle 2.0 is here.
Chapter 2 is what I am calling this season of my life. I have had some significant changes in the my life in these last two years (became an empty nester, landed a role with an organization that I only thought existed in fairy tales, health and wellness became a priority in my life, my role within my immediate family has shifted, and I was diagnosed with a significant health condition).Who I was two years ago no longer exists. I have decided that I will no longer simply go with the flow of life and instead be intentional with the direction that I flow. Being intentional is the new black.
Defining Chapter 2
I’d like to define my intentions for Chapter 2 in writing. Putting these thoughts on the world wide web will give me a new level of accountability that in past would have scared me. Today, however, it inspires me. An audience to my goals, a defined beginning, progress updates, and a concrete reference of my intentions when I need to be reminded. I am known in my friend group to be a planner. I love lists. My friend and I joked today that I am the type who would have a list of the lists that I want to make. But as much as I do love planning ironically the follow through is rare. What is the value of a plan without actions? Absolutely nothing! A waste of the time and effort expended to create the plan. Chapter 2 will be my period of setting a schedule, showing the work in progress, stumbles, and ultimately the outcome.
Introducing AbleTo
As a benefit to my health insurance, I have been offered with no additional copay a therapist and a certified health and wellness/ behavioral coach through an 8 week program called AbleTo. I have excellent insurance benefits with my fairy tale organization. I had my initial meeting with my assigned therapist today. She is a goal driven therapist. She emailed homework after our intake call. I have an assignment. In today’s session she went through a self care assessment to determine the goals of our 8 weeks together. The assessment was detailed with sections that covered physical self care, psychological/emotional self care, social self care, spiritual self care, and professional self care. I had to rate my current levels of self care with several questions in each section from 1-3. 1 meant needs a lot of work, 2 means there’s been effort but still needs improvement and 3 meant I am currently doing well in the area.
How would you rate your current self care routine?
Some of the questions under physical self care umbrella were “eat healthy foods,” “get enough sleep,” “exercise,” and “participate in fun activities.” Overall, I would rate my physical self care at a 2. I have pretty good physical self care. Sleep is my friend. I do enjoy when I complete a workout. However, I lacked structure and consistency. My goal in physical self care is to create a consistent exercise schedule and participate in more fun physical activities. The suggestions were walking, swimming, dancing and sports. I love dance as a workout. It is super entertaining with friends. I have been to a few classes when the opportunity has presented itself but I’d love to do them more frequently. I am thinking of looking for one fun physical activity monthly.
The second category is psychological/ emotional self care where some of the questions were “participates in hobbies,” “get away from distractions,” “express my feelings in a healthy way,” and “go on vacations or day trips.” Overall, I would rate myself at a 2 in this area. I do well, but need consistency. The goal is to consistently express my feelings through a weekly blog post on published every Thursday and to limit screen time to lunch time instead of throughout the work day.
Next up is social self care. I am definitely capable of being a social butterfly but there is still an opportunity to be more consistent. Are you noticing a pattern? I lacked consistency. The goals in this area are to schedule time to connect with friends and family who are long distant. Make a list of the people that I’d like to connect with and then call each one periodically. Sending Instagram posts and writing, “this is us” is not sufficient and doesn’t build meaningful connections.
I give myself a 1 in spiritual self care. There is a lot of room for improvement here. Improvement in my prayer life, consistent attendance in worship, mindfulness, and gratitude. The goals are to attend worship service regularly, write in a prayer journal nightly, and in a gratitude journal in the mornings. I love the Lord. I need to let Him know. Give Him my burdens listen to messages from Him.
Lastly, my professional self care is a 2. The questions here were “learn new things related to my profession,” “maintain balance between my professional and personal life,” “say no to excessive new responsibilities,” and keep a comfortable workspace that allows me to be successful.” The goal is to complete the Google Project Management Certificate. To work on an assignment Monday – Friday after my work day until completion and also to build a network with a new colleague once a month.
Watch this.
Chapter 2 has begun! Here are the goals. I am open to receiving accountability. I will be transparent with my progress. I appreciate you taking the journey with me.
XOXO
Lesson: Yesterday, I lacked structure and consistency, but today is a new day.
Question: What does your Chapter 2 entail? What goals do you want to accomplish? What defines your current chapter?
DDCANDTHECITY 