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A post shared by Jeff Guenther, LPC (@therapyjeff)

“You are falling head first into a relationship with someone you know nothing about and because you know nothing, you project a bunch of amazing qualities on them. You idealize them, put them onto a pedestal. You are basically fetishizing them.”

@therapyjeff knows my life. In one Instagram post he both diagnosed and gave me a roadmap for the future. I didn’t even have to give him a co-pay. I wonder how much is Patreon?

I have been seeing the same counselor, Hope, since I was working for the city and wanted to severely hurt my teammate. I still hate her. Yes, “hate” is a strong word. I mean it in this case. She made everyday miserable for me. I had to take two Xanax before every meeting we had together. An absolutely horrible individual. Just thinking about her makes my blood boil. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, the sad rollercoaster that is my love life.

Hope said that I “meet a guy and skip to step five before finishing steps two, three, and four.” There is no step six because I find out something crazy about him that I would have discovered at step two if I had taken my time.

For example, about a month ago, I met a guy on Facebook dating. Let’s call him “Dr. Phil.” I met Dr. Phil. We hung out once and then I proceeded to take a cue from the “Int’l Players Anthem.” I sent a text to my roster “sayin’ that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be.” I knew absolutely nothing about this man other the fact that he was incredibly nice, very into me, and was ready to give me al of his free time. I have a tendency to be clingy. I need to talk to Hope about that.

Words of affirmation is my love language. If a dude says two nice words to me in a row, then I am immediately in love. Of course it is not actual love. I am not even sure if it can be described as infatuation. I know nothing about the man. Can you love someone you don’t know? My brain responds to his attention like it is a love at first sight situation. Is that even a thing? I start planning our future, searching for white dresses on Amazon, and picking a venue for a wedding on Pinterest. Nothing too extravagant. Courthouse is my ideal. With a photographer because I have to post it all on my Instagram. Instagram is life. I have a board titled, “Happily Ever After” on Pinterest.

Dr. Phil wanted to be exclusive immediately. I agreed. However, I did not deactivate my dating account. Just in case the next match had more affirmations for me.

I found out that Dr. Phil lives with his brother, sleeps on a mattress with no bed frame, and did not have enough money to pay his cell phone bill. Ick! He’s been calling again. His phone is back on. I am definitely glad that I kept my profile open. I am not all the way out of my mind. Just a little.

Just as @therapyjeff said, I knew nothing about this man and put him on pedestal before he earned it. I was looking for a fairy tale. I dream about sitting on the porch with my grandchild telling her the story of how I met my love and we were inseparable from the start. I realize now that sh*t does not exist.

Maybe it does exist. But it is the exception, not the rule. I have to slow down.

XOXO

Lesson: “Slow down, I just wanna know ya” said Bobby V.

Question: What’s your love language? How do love languages show up in your life?