Tag Archives: Dating

About Me, Humor, Love Life, Mental Health

Talking talking talking

Today was such a good day. Started my day in the office. I dressed like that girl and presented like a boss. I was late. That’s irrelevant:) Next was my biweekly meeting with my leader where we laughed at delusional candidates and discussed Amazon finds. What was next? A few administrative tasks. A little social media. A call with a candidate on the verge of an offer to discuss salary. Then, the best part of MY workday. My midday nap. I got up and got completed some professional productivity combined with some personal creativity. I signed up for a December workout program in Grand Prairie. Oh my! I do not like to drive long distances. However, I will do it for results. Pretty excited. I’ve seen some drastic results. Such a good day that when evening came I felt like talking, talking, talking. I get that from Funky Dineva. I love me some old school Funky Dineva.

I called my mom. What did we talk about? Let me think. An update on my dad. Made a decision about Christmas plans. So excited. I’ve made some great plans. I can’t wait to reveal the surprise to her. What else? Hair products! My mom has been having trouble finding the perfect products for her hair. It been fun playing with all of the different brands she has auditioned. We talked about watching HGTV. I love watching the different shows. Love it or List it is my current favorite.

Next I talked to my BFF. It was a quick update on the fantastic plans I have for my mom’s Christmas gift this year. We touched on a few other topics but nothing notable.

My married friend was next. My Godchild did not want to say “hello” to me. That’s cool. I’ve had that feeling so I’ll let it slide. Gave my friend an update on the specialists that my neurologist has referred me too. It is all exciting. My medical team is coming along beautifully. I had to make a note about my foot. It feels like there’s a grip holding it tight after I walk for a little while. It is a new “thing.” I don’t know what to call it. Maybe, symptom? Anyway. It is a new way that multiple sclerosis is presenting for me. She rushed me off the phone to have a good conversation with her husband. Cute.

Then I called…hmm. He needs a nickname. Let me think. OMG of course! He will be called AfroTech. We met at the very end of the last day of the Expo Hall at AfroTech . Witty conversation. Very flirtatious. Spoke of a potential future. We walked down Sixth Street in Austin and eventually stopped at a bar with live music. The generous bartender was a chatty young Becky. I loved how AfroTech was able to keep up the conversation. Points. I love personality. No wallflowers for me please. I called AfroTech and we talked a bit. I have an interview on Thursday morning. He had some insightful tips on interview preparation, words of encouragement, and then had to get off of the phone to finish with his homework. Points.

Parking Lot was next. A dude whose nickname has been declared as Parking Lot. There was minimal small talk. Random thoughts from a gummy. Insightful revelations on my part. Then let me tell you what this dude said! He told me that he doesn’t like small talk. He only wants to talk on the phone when there is critical information. Otherwise, he “would prefer to text and multitask.” Well, that was fun. Delete. No need to keep his number, I will not be using it again. Another one bites the dust.

XOXO

Lesson: I am a talker.

Question: Tell me about the last time you felt talking talking talking!

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Love Life

John Carl Williams

I met my original work friend at The Common Table for their Hip Hop Brunch one Sunday. I was hella cute with a black and white striped dress and some leopard wedges. I was ready to catch somebody’s son.

Legs. Legs. Legs.

My friend and I sat at the bar like single ladies should. My seat was next to a guy who was by himself. I smiled. We had some witty banter. He had a vibe. He wasn’t conventionally attractive. His personality made him attractive. His name is going to be John Carl Williams (JCW). I have a thing for saying full names. I can’t explain why because I really don’t know.

JCW was suave, witty and had a sense of humor. An excellent sense of humor. I’m smiling just thinking about him. His personality was cool enough to where all three of us were able to have a conversation. Lots of laughs. JCW and I exchanged numbers. Mission accomplished. I caught somebody’s son.

He was gazing at me and not the camera. Butterflies.

Our first date was to RA Sushi for all day happy hour. This was when I was heavy into fitness and healthy eating choices. My body looked so good. I wore these high waisted black leggings that made my legs look luscious and my belly look nonexistent. It turned out that RA didn’t have the happy hour so we ended up at Pluckers. I smile when I recall our first date. Our interaction was as if we had known each other for years. Easy conversation. We laughed. We drank. We took shots with his friends on FaceTime. It was a complete vibe. I immediately felt like he was my one. My one in a million.

Easy Conversation – Jill Scott

I realize now it is completely outrageous for me to think he was my anything after a couple hours. I fall hard. I fall deep. And I fall quick. If there is a vibe and he shows a little bit of interest, then I get butterflies in my stomach and start fantasizing about the future. For the record, this is something that I am currently working on with Hope. I get so wrapped up in the fantasy. Instantaneously. I say things like, “love of my life,” and “this is the one” before I know their last name.

Red is my favorite color.

JCW and I met for drinks one Sunday evening at the Red Crab. They make crawfish that is almost as good as it is at home. Louisiana. I wore a black dress that fit as if it was made for my body. We sat at the bar, had friendly banter with the bartenders. He was outgoing like me. I had a 1942 tequila shot for the first and only time. I loved JCW’s presence. He was extremely witty with a touch of sarcasm. Like me. He consistently wore Air Max. I believe he had every color of the ‘97. The same ones that I have a few pairs of. A common interest. In my freshman year of college I would only date guys who wore Air Max. That shoe does something for me. His shoes made me think we had a magical connection. He drove a red Dodge Challenger. He wore a red sweatshirt when we met. My favorite color. Irrelevant common interests that meant something special to me. It was meant to be. I imagined telling our grandchildren we met by chance and were immediately inseparable. My happily ever after. Complete delusion.

He asked about my day. That afternoon I went to brunch at Kona Grill with a friend. He asked, “was it a date?” It wasn’t. I’d went to brunch with the same female friend I was with when we originally met. She and I have monthly brunches.

I responded by acting coy. Flustered. Like I didn’t want to say that I was with a guy earlier the same day. I excused myself and went to the restroom. Dramatic. It gave the impression that I had had a date with a man. I didn’t out right lie. But, I did at the same time.

What was I thinking?!? I felt he would be more interested. If I was seeing other people, then I’d look attractive. He would then stake his claim on me, say he didn’t want me to see other people, and we would become exclusive. If you read my first blog, then you’d know this is not the first time I made this stupid decision. I hadn’t learned the lesson.

As you can imagine he didn’t respond as I thought he would. He became cold towards me. Calls became infrequent. I did eventually tell him the truth. By that time, his opinion of me had already changed. I was an immature liar. Our interactions were no longer good vibes. Dates became nonexistent. Texts became one word responses. There was no happily ever after.

This was more than a year ago now. I feel sad when thinking about him, my stupid response and how he acted afterwards. Regretful and immature. To be honest, I think about him a lot. Still. The fantasy of our happily ever after. I want to call him. I really do. Thankfully, I deleted his information months ago. I knew I’d want to call. And I knew he wouldn’t answer if I did.

XOXO

Lesson: Saying that you are seeing other people does not make you irresistible.

Question: I have two levels, complete delusion or complete disinterest. Will I find my in between?

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Love Life

Stanley

My BFF and I were driving down 183 passing his exit. I asked if she was in a rush or not. No. We headed to Stanley’s.

Stanley

I knew Stanley for a while. I’d been to his place a few times and remembered the directions perfectly. Stanley and I had been situationshipping, but he hadn’t been responding to my calls lately. Which was extra weird considering that I was calling the phone that I gave him. Gosh, I was stupid. I am stupid. I used to be stupid. I won’t be stupid anymore.

BFF and I drove around the maze of the parking lot and parked Action Adventure* in the spot directly in front of his apartment. We were in her car. I figured he wouldn’t know the car. Smart, right?

I sat in the passenger seat of my BFF’s car and called Stanley thirty five times. In a row. Back to back. Why? To this day I have no Earthly idea what was my intention. What could dialing this man’s phone number, back to back, 35 times in a row accomplish? Did I think that these actions would end in a positive result? I couldn’t. Could I? Did I?

He answered.

I gasped. Shocked.

He said, “are you in front of my place?” I gasped, “huh?”

I’m sure you could imagine how that conversation went. What the hell was I thinking? What was the point? Why? Just why?!?!?! This has been 10+ years ago and I still do not know the answer.

Fast forward. I had a Black male colleague on my team for the first time in a long time and we became friends. One day we were talking about our friends and some way some how I figured out that my colleague’s best friend since youth was Stanley. You have got to be kidding me!?! Nope. Best friends! I confessed to my 35 calls from the parking lot to my colleague. We laughed. We moved on.

My team from work went to The Hideaway for happy hour on pay day and guess who wanted to come? Yep. Stanley. By this time I had told the whole team about 35. I should probably be ashamed, but it is too funny for me to hide. So when Stanley walks up everyone had a good laugh at my story again.

Stanley and I reconnected. Laughed about 35. Exchanged information and have been in touch again. For a few years. We connect every now and then. Have a few laughs and then go our separate ways.

We laughed recently. It was fun. I wondered if I’d been missing out by not taking him seriously. Could I actually be with Stanley after all of this time?

Fuck no! Stanley is still Stanleying and I do not have the energy for his level of foolishness.

We can laugh. But I’ll never cry for him again.

XOXO

Lesson: Once ‘ain’t no good’. Always ‘ain’t no good.’

Question: Why do I still entertain Stanley knowing that he ‘ain’t no good?’

*Action Adventure is when you back into a parking spot just in case you have to leave expeditiously.

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Love Life

Part 2: Who pays?

Let me catch you up on Kramer.

We met online last Friday. We agreed to have a meet and greet at City Works in the Star for dessert that night. I arrived before him and ordered a Green Tea Shot to take the edge off. I also ordered an Angry Orchard. Kramer arrived. Cool. I ordered the Peanut Butter Snickers Pie. He ordered a water and no dessert. He already ate and doesn’t drink alcohol anymore. He showed me some pictures he just took of himself at the Star across the street before coming to City Works. Cool. I finished my very delicious dessert. The check came. Bartender placed the bill in the middle of us. Kramer immediately picked it up and looks at the bill and says, “wow, you’re expensive.” Hmmm. He paid. We went across the street to the Star and I took some post worthy pictures. Fun. We walked into the hotel lobby at the Star and sat in some cute chairs. We had more conversation. We talked about work, the struggle of the Black man, empty nests, and church homes. He said some things that were strange to me. He said he is a “leg guy” and how much he loved my legs. Repeatedly. He showed me pictures that he took of my legs while I wasn’t paying attention. Stalker. The way he went on about my legs was creepy. Yes, I have long and luscious legs. I know this. But he was borderline obsessed. It was extra creepy. I said that I had something to do and we parted ways. Kramer is a weird dude. Therefore, I am just not that into him.

A couple days went by and he asked me to go for drinks or to come over “chill” or play in the pool. I made excuses why I did not want to go a few times. He asked me if I was interested in him and I replied, “I have reservations.” He sent a few more texts and then a couple days later is when I he sent this essay…

He asked me to Cash App him the money that he spent at City Works. He thinks that I intentionally used him for the $27 bill.

First, I am not the kind of person who is looking for a sponsor. I have a career. I make money. I pay my own way. Second, if he could not afford the bill, then he should have let me know. He shouldn’t have asked to meet. He shouldn’t be dating at all for that matter.

His opinion of me should not matter to me. Unfortunately, it does anyway. I don’t want to be known as some dessert digging woman. I am considering sending him the money. Not the entire bill, just the money for the shot and cider. The original plan was dessert only, not drinks and dessert.

XOXO

Lesson: Find a man who uses autocorrect properly.

Question: Who should pay?

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Love Life

Do you block?

Block This Caller

Today I’m talking to the single people specifically!!

You meet a guy. You hit it off. You give him your phone number. He screws up. You no longer want to communicate with him. Do you use the Block feature? Or do you just stop calling and/or answering? That is the question!

I use Block for telemarketers. No hesitation. However, in my dating life I haven’t used it.

When I cut someone from the roster I just stop calling. Majority of the time when I’ve made the “do not call” decision I guess the dudes have made the same decision because I rarely have received any follow up communication.

In special circumstances, I will delete contact information and the text conversation from my phone. He no longer exists to me. This is when I know that in an inebriated state I would have a strong desire to contact him and if I have the access to their contact information then I would definitely use it. My guess is he probably wouldn’t answer. I would get sad that he didn’t answer and mad that I called in the first place. This set of events would then cause me to eat something sweet. I’d order an Oreo Madness AND a Cinnabon Caramel Pecan Cheesecake from TGIFridays through Door Dash. Yes. I am referring to actual events that have occurred. His name is. . . John Carl Williams. The name has been changed to protect me. In the past, I would refer to him by his full government name.

I’m currently considering blocking Kramer. He keeps texting paragraphs. I’m pretty sure that he wants to ask me to give him the money he spent on me since I do not like him. He wants to talk today after work. I’m curious to hear what he has to say. I definitely will not be sending him any money. I’ll block him afterwards. I am sure this chat will be great content.

XOXO

Lesson: Just block him.

Question: Who’s the last person that you blocked?

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Love Life

Strike Two?

Monday, Aug 8 Strike One asked that I keep my Saturday open for him. He said that he wanted to see me. Butterflies. Spontaneity is cool. However, a man stating his claim on your time in advance is automatically a turn on. What would we do on Saturday? I am a planner. Strike One stating that he wanted to spend his nearest off day with me made me feel special. Am I a priority to him? Not clear, but surely feels like it. Points.

A few days passed. Things felt off. Hmmm. Calls were few and far between. As a matter of fact, he only called when I was already asleep. Is this a sign? Did he intentionally call knowing that I’d be asleep just to check the box that he called. I’m thinking too deeply as usual. He called when he thought about me. Just breathe.

I am the pink Starburst and he is treating me like I’m a yellow.

Saturday came. We hadn’t touched base on the details of the evening. What’s the plan? I sent a text asking if we were still on. This was his response.

Thoughts?

He’s a flake. We were no longer hanging. PLUS I had to be the one to request the status update. Hmmm. I didn’t respond to the message. Annoyed. I put on my pajamas. Settled into my cozy corner of the sofa. Searched for some mindless programming. Ate something sweet. Then, I did the only thing I had the energy to do. Kick my leg up. *My BFF knows what that means.

Sadness from the movie Inside Out.

XOXO

Lesson: Words don’t mean anything without the actions to back it up.

Question: No questions, it’s definitely strike two.

Update: Strike One/Two and I had a conversation. He wanted to be honest with me. Hmmm. On Saturday after flaking on me, he decided to catch a movie “at the last minute.” Late that night, he felt like going to watch a movie. . . . with a woman. Da f*ck? I thought you felt like staying in!?! Why did he feel the need to tell me? What was I supposed to do with that information? Of course, I am seeing other guys. Friday, I met Kramer for dessert! I am the pink Starburst and he is treating me like I’m a yellow. We are not exclusive. Was he trying to make me jealous? Hmmm. DO I feel jealous? Shit. Yes, I do! I have to leave him alone. Damn it!! STRIKE THREE.

Lesson: Just words.

Question: Why do I keep falling for the same okie doke?

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Love Life

Waving The White Flag

I give up. I officially deleted my Facebook Dating profile. I have come to the overwhelming realization that online dating is not for me. I am still open to meeting someone special. However, I am no longer actively searching for him. I am replacing my deliberate pursuit of him with accomplishing big goals, making self care a priority and continuous personal development. I. Choose. Me.

I can visualize the future me. She’s happy. She’s intentional. She shines. Shine bright like a diamond!

XOXO

Lesson: With or without him, I am going to be alright.

Question: What is your favorite form of self care?

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Love Life

Who pays?

Let’s call this one Kramer. Kramer is 6’5. He’s 49. Has one 26 year old son. Has a full time job. Jovial personality. Friday we had our initial meet and greet at City Works in Frisco. The plan was to have dessert. My sweet tooth has been out of this world lately. City Works has a Peanut Butter Snickers Pie that is divine. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Should I go there this week?

I wasn’t in the mood to meet anyone new. I’ve been feeling blah lately. I was late to the venue. Kramer text saying that he had arrived. I text saying there was traffic but I would be there soon.

I arrived and landed a parking spot right in the front. I text I was walking in the restaurant. I looked around the restaurant and the only Black man was there with someone. Kramer was nowhere to be found. I immediately ordered a Green Tea shot, and a glass of Angry Orchard. A little something to get my nerves together. I went to the restroom to freshen up. He called. This time asking me for the name of the restaurant. He was across the street at the Star taking a million pictures. Funny, that’s something I would do.

He finally arrived. The first thing that I noticed was his height. He’s very tall standing at 6’5. Nice. He had a belly. Not too big, but definitely noticeable. Interesting. He did not post any full body pictures on his Facebook Dating profile so it shocked me a bit. Not sure why it mattered considering I also have a belly. He leaned in to give me a hug. I gave him a side hug while still sitting on the barstool.

We chatted a bit. I ordered the Peanut Butter Snickers Pie that I came for. He ordered a water. No dessert. No drink. Hmmm. We talked about our children, our church home, or lack thereof, and a little about our jobs. He talked about the fact that it was hard for him to find employment so he settled for the job he was offered. Hmmm. I hadn’t really considered the struggle for a degreed Black man to find employment.

Talked a little more. He kept commenting on my looks, my legs, my feet and my body. He said that I am sexy several times. I do love compliments. However, there is a limit. I want a man that appreciates every inch of body… especially my brain. He almost seemed obsessed with my legs and feet. It was weird but I did not say anything. I finished my dessert. The waitress put the tab in the middle of both of us. He picked it up and made a comment stating that I was expensive. Hmmm. I am expensive. I had a shot, a glass of Angry Orchard, and the dessert. The plan was for dessert. He did not order anything. Is money an issue for him?

XOXO

Lesson: This one isn’t going to last.

Question: Was I supposed to pay the bill?

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Love Life

The Ick

“You are falling head first into a relationship with someone you know nothing about and because you know nothing, you project a bunch of amazing qualities on them. You idealize them, put them onto a pedestal. You are basically fetishizing them.”

@therapyjeff knows my life. In one Instagram post he both diagnosed and gave me a roadmap for the future. I didn’t even have to give him a co-pay. I wonder how much is Patreon?

I have been seeing the same counselor, Hope, since I was working for the city and wanted to severely hurt my teammate. I still hate her. Yes, “hate” is a strong word. I mean it in this case. She made everyday miserable for me. I had to take two Xanax before every meeting we had together. An absolutely horrible individual. Just thinking about her makes my blood boil. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, the sad rollercoaster that is my love life.

Hope said that I “meet a guy and skip to step five before finishing steps two, three, and four.” There is no step six because I find out something crazy about him that I would have discovered at step two if I had taken my time.

For example, about a month ago, I met a guy on Facebook dating. Let’s call him “Dr. Phil.” I met Dr. Phil. We hung out once and then I proceeded to take a cue from the “Int’l Players Anthem.” I sent a text to my roster “sayin’ that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be.” I knew absolutely nothing about this man other the fact that he was incredibly nice, very into me, and was ready to give me al of his free time. I have a tendency to be clingy. I need to talk to Hope about that.

Words of affirmation is my love language. If a dude says two nice words to me in a row, then I am immediately in love. Of course it is not actual love. I am not even sure if it can be described as infatuation. I know nothing about the man. Can you love someone you don’t know? My brain responds to his attention like it is a love at first sight situation. Is that even a thing? I start planning our future, searching for white dresses on Amazon, and picking a venue for a wedding on Pinterest. Nothing too extravagant. Courthouse is my ideal. With a photographer because I have to post it all on my Instagram. Instagram is life. I have a board titled, “Happily Ever After” on Pinterest.

Dr. Phil wanted to be exclusive immediately. I agreed. However, I did not deactivate my dating account. Just in case the next match had more affirmations for me.

I found out that Dr. Phil lives with his brother, sleeps on a mattress with no bed frame, and did not have enough money to pay his cell phone bill. Ick! He’s been calling again. His phone is back on. I am definitely glad that I kept my profile open. I am not all the way out of my mind. Just a little.

Just as @therapyjeff said, I knew nothing about this man and put him on pedestal before he earned it. I was looking for a fairy tale. I dream about sitting on the porch with my grandchild telling her the story of how I met my love and we were inseparable from the start. I realize now that sh*t does not exist.

Maybe it does exist. But it is the exception, not the rule. I have to slow down.

XOXO

Lesson: “Slow down, I just wanna know ya” said Bobby V.

Question: What’s your love language? How do love languages show up in your life?

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